3 Redefinitions of unconditional love.

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Like most of us, I was raised in a household of conditions disguised as discipline and claiming to want the best for me. After years of therapy, relationships and applying what I have learnt towards life, I have learnt how detrimental conditional love is to anyone. It’s the kind of love that if you do for me, I love you and if you don’t, I hate you. It’s the kind of love that holds onto secrets and withholds the truth because we are afraid that if we are honest, we won’t be loved anymore. 

I am grateful for every experience and I carry that same energy to my upbringing. I have been able to learn that love doesn’t start when I disagree with someone, that is when it begins. I haven’t always been the master of it and I am still learning this notion. But one quote about unconditional love by Maya Angelou has always stuck with me. It is, ‘Love liberates. It doesn’t hold. I love you whether you are in Tokyo or next to me.’ 

This doesn’t mean that I have to accept your behaviour or have you in my life to love you. Sometimes people are meant to be loved from afar. 

Here are 3 redefinitions of unconditional love: 

1. You are who you are meant to be, not by success standards but in creation. 

I am a woman and as one, I can see that we have a lot to work on. Particularly about the need to make others just like us, or else we will not accept it. I noticed that I did this with a long-term relationship I was in with someone who was going through a divorce. I felt like he had to be in my life and act exactly how I needed him to, or I wouldn’t love him. I was loving him with conditions. 

One day, I was crying in a park and wondering why he didn’t love me and having this deep need for him to love me. It hurt so much. I looked at a tree so peaceful and serene, and understood that I was creating my own suffering. I developed a thought in my mind that he will be who he is and I will always love him but I don’t have to hate him. It has taken years of practicing this about him but today I can say that I think so fondly of him and I wish him the best with his life. He doesn’t have to be in my life to love him. I love him anyway. 

2. I am not the authority on how someone should live their life. 

I have a secret fear of having children and raising them to think like me or I won’t love them, like I have been shown. I believe in individualism. I had a thought the other day that many parents run houses as the authority, which would appear to be correct. However, in that thinking, we can stifle a child’s potential. 

Being a parent is not easy and I think one of the most challenging things to accept is that your child appears to be an extension of you but isn’t. They are their own person. We can teach our children our own ideals but, ultimately, it is up to them to learn and grow for themself. When we want people to think and act like us for our love, that is conditional love. Unconditional love says you think the way you do, you act the way that you want and you do what you want to do but I still love you. I don’t have to force you to be like me because I might not know everything and you might not either. 

3. ‘Love is unconditional but relationships have conditions.’ 

I heard this quote this morning and I couldn’t agree more. I have recently decided to let go of some people in my life because I don’t feel like they are healthy for the growth and perpetuate the idea of one-sided communication. It is okay to have boundaries and once those are infringed upon, it is okay to no longer have that person if your life.’ But they deserve the benefit of the doubt beforehand and if you have tried and it doesn’t work, then free yourself of that situation. 

Love is not a contract based on what you think, what you like or how you behave. A lot of people that I love I have many differences with. Some people I love I haven’t spoken to in years but that doesn’t mean that we need to be close to one another and force a fake relationship. We can love people and say that they are not healthy or good for us. Just because conditions are not set on love does not mean that they are not set for relationships. There is no need to be in a situation with someone who doesn’t respect you but there is no need to hate them either. 

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3 Things that I am learning about dating in my 30s.

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When I was 21, 10 years ago, I had expected my life to be different. I was a bartender at a restaurant in Soho, NYC, and I thought that I had met the love of my life. At that time he was. And, so is anyone that I choose to spend my time, energy and life with. 

Little did I know that I would go on to almost get married again and be in a few long term relationships. I am grateful for every single things that I have learnt along the way because it has led me to who I am today. Yes, it also took work! But, I needed the experiences to be able to apply what I had learnt so that I could grow. 

I have previously been fully open about how I thought that I would be married and have kids by now. A life that I still sometimes mourn but I know that I am exactly where I am meant to be because I don’t see myself in a life-long partnership with anyone from past. 

As I date, I am learning a lot and it is an amazing experience to do in my 30s. Now that I have more confidence, boundaries and clarity. Here is what I am learning about dating in my 30s: 

1. I don’t owe anyone anything. 

Contrary to how a lot of us are raised, we think that we are owed something. This creates a sense of dependency. When I was younger, I felt like if someone paid for a date, bought me something or told me that they were committed to me that I had to stick around. I have learnt that this is not the case. Potential and reality are two different things. If someone wants a future with you, they need to work at it. Whatever that means for you and that person. 

I am now so comfortable with the notion that unless someone puts forward the necessary action to sustain a relationship, I would rather leave because nothing but them will make them do so- no matter how ‘great’ or ‘convincing’ I might be. 

2. No more fitting into what someone else wants me to be. 

I spent a lot of my 20s pretending to be who someone else wanted me to be. Whether it was for a job, a family member or a romantic partner. Those days are no longer. I know who I am and I am enough. I am exactly who I am meant to be. Which doesn’t mean that I don’t do work on myself but it means that I can be grateful for where I have been and for who I am because I have a lot to be proud of. 

I don’t need to be someone else to be liked or loved. I am worthy of love exactly as I am. 

3. Respect is essential. 

I have always believed that love wasn’t enough but it wasn’t until I dealt with men and situations that proved it to me. I don’t walk around jaded by the past but my previous experiences have allowed me to grow. I am grateful for all of them and for all the people who came into my life. 

I used to date a guy who was a Chef and wouldn’t reply to my text messages for a few days or ever, would look at other women while we were on dates and, was wishy-washy about our future. I saw his potential and was afraid to look at his behaviour to realize that it wasn’t for me. Because these little signs lead to a bigger one, it differs person-to-person but (in this case) he wasn’t ready to commit to someone else at that time. Which was later revealed to me. 

So now, I no longer look at potential but who is in front of me. Just because someone isn’t ready to commit to me, doesn’t make them bad or deceiving. It just means that they are not for me and I am not for them. There is no need for resentment or anger. 

The 3 Biggest mistakes that I have made about my Soulmate.

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Ever since I was a kid, I would watch movies about the girl or woman who was lost and a man would come in to her life and make her whole. Not sure if this has had an impact on how I view relationships or my subconscious already had this thinking but, I (too) have spent a lot of time hoping and waiting for someone else to complete me. I would fantasize about my Happily Ever After. 

I would dream of the day when the perfect man would come into my life and remind me of who I was, why I was on this Earth and I would do the same for them. So, while my friends in High School were dating guys my age and entering solid relationships, I was waiting on the day when I left school so that I could begin my search for the man who was going to be my everything. 

 I grew up mostly in South Africa and, before I left to The U.S.A., I would visualize this perfect guy. I dreamt of all American guy who was well-known, had a lot of money, who was kind, compassionate and done with that way of life. I have always dreamed big.

I was 19 when I moved to New York and my naïveté took a while to chip away at; regardless of what I went through. Yes, after every relationship, I would learn and grow but in the back of my head, I was waiting on someone else to come and relieve me. It was only until I ended a long-term relationship with an older man, in 2012, did I start to understand that I am the only one who can make me whole. 

8 years later and I am done searching for my soulmate. I understand and truly know that I am the only one who will make me whole and it is up to me to be my own saviour. 

Here are 3 big mistakes that I used to make about my soulmate: 

1. Romance and passion are the foundation for a perfect relationship. 

I used to think that being romantic, spontaneous and passionate were the perfect foundation for a healthy relationship. This thinking has created many memories, yes! However, it has caused a lot of heart ache and suppression of my intuition. 

Last Summer, I ended a relationship with the most romantic and passionate person that I know. He used this as a means to manipulate me, gaslight me and mentally abuse me. I learnt to listen to my intuition because I always knew that his intentions weren’t true even though he would tell me that he was my Soulmate. 

I am done with the idea that Soulmates manipulate us and make our lives hell because of a cosmic connection. The Universe wants us to be at peace and to love ourselves. So, if that means letting go of someone who claims to be my Soulmate but brings turmoil and toxicity into my life, then so be it. 

2. I am not a ride or die. I am a thrive and grow. 

I spent many years thinking that my Soulmate relationship should be tiring, use me up and not easy. So much so, that I would allow behaviour from men who I believed to be my Soulmate that I wouldn’t from others. 

An example of this is when my former partner would disappear and I wouldn’t hear from him for two weeks, only for him to return to me and project his behaviour onto me by saying things like, ‘What do you expect from me?’ Whenever I would end our relationship, he would follow me, stalk and apologize for his behaviour- so I felt obliged to stay because I was holding onto his potential. Which is not real. 

I know now that I don’t have to suffer in love. A Soulmate is a companion who wants the best for me as much as I do for them. Not someone who puts me through hell and then expects me to stick around. 

3. It’s not on me to make up someone else’s behaviour. 

As a child of divorce, I have lived with a burden to want to do everything that I can in relationships and have often done and given more 

than my partner so that we didn’t separate. It sounds desperate but I am a very loyal person with a big heart and often times, my personality tends to fall for those who need me because I like to feel needed. 

I have had to learn that there is a difference between a healthy relationship and doing charity. The two cannot exist in a relationship that is sustainable. I believe in devotion, kindness, loyalty and well-being; I can’t be the only one doing it in the relationship. It is not fair to me and the person that I am in a relationship with if I see them as less than me and allow to do less. 

My Soulmate is my equal. Not financially and physically but someone who is working just as hard as I am to be the best version of themself. Someone who is kind, respectful, grows, says sorry, let’s me in and reminds me of why we are together in the first place. 

3 Cosas más importantes que aprendí sobre las citas en mis 20 años.

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Acabo de cumplir 31 años y, al contrario de lo que pensaba cuando era más joven, mi vida ha resultado increíble y estoy eternamente agradecida. Anteriormente mencioné cómo pensé que tener hijos y ser esposa ha sido una prioridad; Sin embargo, el universo me ha enviado lecciones para enseñarme que no es mi éxito final.

Ser padre y pareja es maravilloso, sí. Pero, tuve que aprender que necesito realizarme a mí mismo en lugar de jugar un papel para demostrar mi valía. Desde que tenía 12 años o un poco más joven, siempre he sabido que quiero ser madre. Soñaba con tener 6 hijos y la gente bromeaba diciendo que debería casarme con un contador, lo tenía en mente y cuando comencé a salir, solo salía con hombres que tuvieron éxito para poder cumplir mi sueño.

Cuanto más mencioné mi deseo de tener un montón de hijos, más me cansaría de las proyecciones de otras personas sobre cómo debería ser mi futuro. Estas proyecciones nublaron mi vida amorosa porque en lugar de buscar una pareja, estaba buscando a alguien en mi vida que se viera bien en el papel, olvidando que la persona con la que quiero estar es una extensión de felicidad y alegría.

Aquí hay 3 cosas que las citas en mis 20 años me han enseñado:

1. No tengo que ser una esposa para ser feliz.

Vengo de una familia de divorciados y, aunque cada familia tiene sus problemas, hay algo que les sucede a los hijos del divorcio que es único. Pasé por dos fases para acercarme a la vida familiar: no necesito una pareja para tener hijos y necesito casarme con la persona perfecta para que mi matrimonio no se desmorone. Esta presión solía llevarla profundamente y buscaría socios que parecieran perfectos en el papel, incluso si no estuvieran disponibles emocional o físicamente porque había desarrollado la creencia de que el dinero y la estructura mantienen unida a la familia. Sí, la razón número uno para el divorcio es el dinero; sin embargo, no hay unión entre dos personas si no hay respeto, amabilidad y amor mutuo.

2. Yo me elijo.

Acabo de dejar ir una situación con un chico maravilloso. Es una persona hermosa por dentro y por fuera; sin embargo, él no está emocional o físicamente disponible para darme lo que quiero. Cuando era más joven, sentía que tenía que ser mártir y sacrificar mi sangre y sudor. Tenía la creencia de que una mujer debería dar más que un hombre y, para ser la esposa potencial perfecta, no debía expresar ni expresar mis preocupaciones. Podría pasar mi tiempo culpando a la sociedad y por qué desarrollé estos sistemas de creencias en primer lugar. Sin embargo, es mi vida y tengo que asumir la responsabilidad de lo que quiero en ella. Quiero y merezco un socio que esté listo y capaz de comprometerse, así que depende de mí crear límites para que esto sea factible.

3. Siempre puedo decir que no.

Honestamente, me he metido en algunas relaciones que duraron mucho más de lo que deberían porque tenía demasiado miedo de ser el único en decir que no. En el fondo de mi cabeza, siempre me preguntaría si me arrepiento de haber dicho que sí. Siempre he sentido la necesidad de ser optimista siempre, aunque sea a mi costa. Especialmente como profesora de yoga y profesional del bienestar, pasamos mucho tiempo enfocándonos en sí. Sin embargo, olvidamos enfatizar la importancia de decir a veces no.

Nada es blanco y negro y la experiencia de vida de cada persona es diferente. Sin embargo, ninguno de nosotros debería sentirse obligado a decir algo que sea falso por miedo a no obtener lo que queremos. He aprendido y creo firmemente que todo lo que es para mí, me encontrará. Si trabajo lo suficiente, amo lo suficiente y lo doy todo, he hecho todo lo que puedo. Se me permite crear límites y cuidar mi bienestar y, a veces, eso significa decir que no.

3 Important things that I learnt about dating in my 20s.

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I just turned 31 years old and contrary to what I had thought when I was younger, my life has turned out amazingly and I am forever grateful. I have previously mentioned how I thought that having kids and being a wife has been a priority; however, the universe has sent me lessons to teach me that it is not my ultimate success. Being a parent and partner is wonderful, yes. But, I had to learn that I need to fulfill myself instead of playing a role to prove my worthiness. 

Since I was 12 or a little younger, I have always known that I want to be a Mother. I dreamt of having 6 kids and people would joke that I should marry an accountant, I kept that in the back of my mind and when I started dating, I only dated men who were successful so that I could fulfill my dream. The more that I mentioned my wish of having a bunch of children, the more that I would get jaded with other people’s projections about what my future should look like. 

These projections clouded my dating life because instead of looking for a partner, I was searching for someone in my life who looked good on paper- forgetting that the person that I want to be with, is an extension of happiness and joy. 

Here are 3 things that dating in my 20s has taught me: 

1. I don’t have to be a wife to be happy. 

I come from a family of divorce and, although every family has it’s issues, there is something that happens to children of divorce that is unique. I went through two phases of approaching family life:I don’t need a partner to have kids and, I need to marry the perfect person so that my marriage doesn’t crumble apart. This pressure I used to carry deeply and would seek out partners who seemed perfect on paper- even if they weren’t emotionally or physically available because I had developed a belief that money and structure keeps a family together. 

Yes, the number one reason for divorce is money; however, there is no union between two people if there is no respect, kindness and love for one another. 

2. I choose me. 

I just let go of a situation with a wonderful guy. He is a beautiful person inside and out; however, he is not emotionally or physically available to give me what I want. When I was younger, I felt like I had to be a martyr and to sacrifice my blood and sweat. I had these beliefs that a woman should give more than a man and, that to be the perfect potential wife, I shouldn’t voice or express my concerns. 

I could spend my time blaming society and why I developed these belief systems in the first place. However, it is my life and I need to take responsibility for what I want in it. I want and deserve a partner who is ready and able to commit so it is up to me to create boundaries so that this is is feasible. 

3. I can always say no. 

Honestly, I have gotten into some relationships that lasted way longer than they should have because I was too afraid of being the one to say no. In the back of my head, I would always wonder if I regret saying yes. I have felt a continual thread of needing to be optimistic always, even if it is at my expense.

Especially as a yoga teacher and wellness professional, we spend a lot of time focusing on yes. However, we forget to emphasize the importance of sometimes saying no. Nothing is black&white and, everyone’s life experience is different. However, none of us should feel forced to say something that is false for fear of not getting what we want. I have learnt and firmly believe that everything that is for me, will find me. If I work hard enough, love enough and give my all, I have done everything that I can. I am allowed to create boundaries and take care of my well-being and sometimes that means saying no. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect- 2/23/2020

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I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He is emotionally and physically available to be in a relationship with me. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He is upfront and honest with his feelings about me. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

I will not need to feel like a martyr and as though I am giving more than I receive. Our love is reciprocal. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

A bond where commitment and union takes precedent over anything else. 

I have hope that I will true love and respect. 

A partnership that I won’t have to guess how my partner feels, we assure one another. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

We choose each other daily without secrets and embrace honesty. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has used his past as a way to transform and enlighten himself and those around him. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He embraces me and lets me know when he is going through something that is challenging him because I can’t read minds and shouldn’t have to. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. We embrace one another with honesty, trust and commitment

Now that there is you, B.

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Now that there is you, 

I understand why I had to learn what I have learnt to have compassion and appreciation for you. 

You are a blessing that I would never want to change, alter or make into something or someone else. 

You have so much love and energy. I feel grateful to be in your presence and in your space. 

Your kindness, love and generosity influences me to want to embody these characteristics more. 

We’ve come a long way and I hope we have more to go because we are deeply connected. 

Now that there is you, 

I don’t need to pretend to be okay, pretend to have found the perfect one, act like I am happy when so much is missing. Because this is real and abundant with what I have always wanted.

Lo que desearía haber sabido antes de salir con un narcisista.

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Hace un mes, corté a mi ex novio. Había llegado al punto en que ya no podía tenerlo en mi vida. A pesar de que habíamos estado separados por casi seis meses y había dejado mi relación, estaba claro que él todavía quería volver a ser mi compañero. Y haría "cualquier cosa" (como lo expresó) para que esto suceda.

Una vez que corté los lazos con él, prometí no hablar más de él ni nada más que las muchas lecciones que aprendí de lo que tuvimos juntos. Ingenuamente pensé que él lo entendería, pero había olvidado que mi ex pareja tenía tendencias narcisistas. De hecho, creo que es un narcisista. * Consulte mi artículo sobre enamorarse de un narcisista en nuestra sección de amor.

A medida que avanzo con mi vida, él está haciendo todo lo que está en su poder para mantenerme involucrado en su vida y su paradero. Sin embargo, como un verdadero Acuario, cuando he pasado de una relación romántica, no hay vuelta atrás.

Sé que no puedo retroceder el reloj, no quisiera. Y prometí no hablar de eso. Sin embargo, creo que debo transmitir esta información a alguien que la necesita.

Aquí hay 3 cosas que desearía haber sabido antes de salir con un narcisista:

1. El amor no es una competencia o una pelea.

Soy una persona muy competitiva y creo en dar lo mejor de mí; Sin embargo, algunas situaciones no son sobre ganar o perder. Especialmente cuando se trata de amar. Cuando comencé a salir con mi ex pareja, él me dijo que me convencería. Pensé que era peculiar porque no estaba interesado en nadie más. Pero, pensó y creyó lo contrario. Si no estaba peleando con alguien que creía que estaba interesado en mí, me pelearía por mi libertad y me preguntaría agresivamente dónde había estado cuando no lo había visto en unas pocas horas. Noté un profundo deseo en él de ganar a toda costa, incluso si eso significaba pelear conmigo en el proceso. Hasta el día de hoy, él todavía está en guerra conmigo y la decisión que he tomado de no estar más con él. Pero eso no es amor verdadero. El amor puro comprende y reconoce que si alguien está hecho para ti, no tendrás que luchar por ello. Proponer esfuerzo y luchar son dos cosas diferentes.

2. Las acciones hablan más que las palabras.

Aunque he escuchado esto decir más de una docena de veces, es difícil comprender lo que realmente significa. En una cultura que pone el romance en un pedestal, es difícil entender si alguien está siendo auténtico en lo que dice o si es para mostrar. Pensé que mi ex estaba presentando acciones por sus gestos grandiosos: escribir canciones sobre mí, publicar carteles publicitarios y proclamar cómo no podría vivir sin mí. Poco sabía, no tenía intención de esforzarse porque eso significaría hacer algo que no giraba en torno a él. Y, con los narcisistas, su mundo se trata de ellos mismos.

Me cansé de escuchar la misma historia de cómo cambiaría, iría a terapia y seguiría adelante con su comportamiento egoísta. Al final, entendí que vale la pena para él y su éxito vivir la vida que él está viviendo. No tuvo nada que ver conmigo.

3. No es personal.

Algunos amigos me han enviado una ruptura muy pública que tuvo con su ex novia hace una década. Anteriormente había evitado leerlo porque no me gusta juzgar a las personas en función de su pasado; Sin embargo, mucho de lo que ella dice que le sucedió es lo que él está tratando de hacerme actualmente. Está difundiendo palabras negativas sobre mi personaje, lo que le hice e incluso me ha deseado la muerte. ¡Suena dramático, lo sé! Porque los narcisistas no pueden manejar el rechazo. He decidido tomar lo bueno y seguir adelante independientemente. Su comportamiento no se trata de mí y si se lo devuelvo, pareceré más loco que él. Desafortunadamente, vivimos en una sociedad en la que cuando una mujer dice su verdad, es horrible, pero cuando un hombre hace lo mismo, es su verdad. No siempre, pero la mayoría del tiempo.

He aprendido que no hay necesidad de alimentar el fuego. Él puede pensar y decirle a la gente que soy la peor persona viva, pero sé en mi corazón que soy un alma amable. Saber quién soy y lo que defiendo es protección contra cualquier forma de negatividad innecesaria.

Il m'a fallu admettre que je suis humain pour arriver jusqu'à moi.

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Il m'a fallu admettre que je suis humain pour arriver jusqu'à moi.

Il m'a fallu posséder mes regrets pour arriver jusqu'à moi.

Il m'a fallu me pardonner pour me rejoindre.

Il m'a fallu pardonner aux autres pour me rejoindre.

Il m'a fallu accepter que tout le monde n'a pas de bonnes intentions pour moi, pour arriver jusqu'à moi.

Il m'a fallu fixer des limites saines pour me rejoindre.

Il m'a fallu accepter que la chute fait partie du processus pour arriver jusqu'à moi.

Il m'a fallu me relever (encore et encore) pour me rejoindre.

Il m'a fallu choisir de croire en moi pour me rejoindre.

Il m'a fallu lâcher prise sur les gens et les choses qui correspondent à mon objectif, pour arriver jusqu'à moi.

Il m'a fallu admettre que je ne suis pas un ange pour me rejoindre.

Il m'a fallu réaliser que dans ce corps humain, mes imperfections sont une chance de grandir - de m'atteindre.

What I wish I’d known before I dated a narcissist.

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A month ago, I cut off my ex-boyfriend. It had gotten to the point where I could no longer have him in my life. Even though, we had been broken up for almost six months and I had moved on from our relationship, it was clear that he still wanted to be my partner again. And, would do ‘anything’ (as he phrased) to make it happen.

Once I severed ties with him, I promised to no longer speak about him or anything other than the many lessons that I learnt from what we had together. I naïvely thought that he would understand but, I had forgotten that my ex-partner had narcissistic tendencies. In fact, I believe that he is a narcissist. *Please refer to my article about falling in love with a narcissist in our love section.

As I move on with my life, he is doing everything in his power to keep me engaged in his life and whereabouts. However, as a true Aquarius, when I have moved on from a romantic relationship, there is no turning back.

I know that I can’t turn back the clock, I wouldn’t want to. And, I promised not to speak about it. However, I believe that I am meant to pass on this information to someone who needs it.

Here are 3 things that I wish I’d known before I dated a narcissist:

1. Love is not a competition or a fight.

I’m a very competitive person and believe in doing my best; however, some situations are not about winning or losing. Especially when it comes to love. When I first started dating my former partner, he told me that he would win me over. I thought that it was peculiar because I wasn’t interested in anyone else. But, he thought and believed otherwise. If he wasn’t fighting someone else who he believed to be interested in me, he would fight me about my freedom and aggressively ask me where I had been when I hadn't seen him for a few hours. I noticed a deep desire in him to win at all costs, even if it meant fighting me in the process. To this day, he is still at war with me and the decision that I have made to no longer be with him. But, that is not true love. Pure love understands and acknowledges that if someone is meant for you, you won’t have to fight for it. Putting forward effort and fighting are two different things.

2. Actions speak louder than words.

Even though I have heard this saying over a dozen times, it is hard to fathom what it truly means. In a culture that puts romance on a pedestal, it is hard to understand if someone is being authentic in what they say or it is for show. I thought that my ex was putting forward actions by his grandiose gestures: writing songs about me, posting billboards and proclaiming how he couldn’t live without me. Little did I know, he had no intention of putting in effort because that would mean doing something that wasn’t revolved around him. And, with narcissists, their World is all about themselves.

I got tired of hearing the same story of how he would change, go to therapy and move forward from his selfish behaviour. At the end of it, I understood that it is worth it for him and his success to live the life that he is living. It had nothing to do with me.

3. It’s not personal.

A few friends have sent me a very public break-up that he had with his ex-girlfriend a decade ago. I had previously avoided reading it because I don’t like to judge people based on their past; however, a lot of what she claims happened to her is what he is currently trying to do to me. He is spreading negative words about my character, what I did to him and has even wished death upon me. Sounds dramatic, I know! Because narcissists can’t handle rejection. I have decided to take the good and move forward regardless. His behaviour is not about me and if I reciprocate it back to him, I will look crazier than he does. Unfortunately, we live in a society that when a woman speaks her truth, she is awful but when a man does the same, it is his truth. Not always, but most of the time.

I have learnt that there is no need to fuel fire. He can think and tell people that I am the worst person alive but I know in my heart that I am a kind soul. Knowing who I am and what I stand for is protection against any form of un-necessary negativity.

What it took to get to me-part 4.

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It took me admitting that I am human to get to me.

It took me owning my regrets, to get to me.

It took me forgiving myself to get to me.

It took me forgiving others to get to me.

It took me accepting that not everyone has good intentions for me, to get to me.

It took me setting healthy boundaries to get to me.

It took me accepting that falling is a part of the process, to get to me.

It took me picking myself up (over and over) to get to me.

It took me choosing to believe in myself to get to me.

It took me letting go of people and things that are in alignment with my purpose, to get to me.

It took me admitting that I am no angel to get to me.

It took me realizing that in this human body, my imperfections are a chance to grow- to get to me.

4 raisons pour lesquelles je ne détesterai pas mon ex.

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J’ai été assez ouvert sur mon bonheur d’être célibataire et sans mon ancien partenaire. Parfois, cependant, nous pouvons confondre de telles déclarations en tant que raison de haïr quelqu'un ou quelqu'un de ce monde. Mais personne ne mérite autant d’énergie et d’efforts, surtout si c’est négatif.

J'ai appris beaucoup de choses sur les relations en étant en eux et avec les gens autour de moi. Et l’une des principales choses que j’ai apprises, c’est que lorsque vous détestez quelqu'un, il contrôle votre vie. C'est certainement beaucoup plus facile à dire qu'à faire. Mais, je crois que si on me demande d’être une personne plus forte, je peux et je saurai me montrer à la hauteur de la situation.

Voici 4 raisons pour lesquelles je ne détesterai jamais mon ex:

1. La haine est le pouvoir négatif à son apogée.

C’est facile à détester. Je le sais parce que j'ai passé beaucoup de temps dans ma vie à haïr les gens pour m'avoir traité d'une certaine manière, en pensant d'une manière particulière ou juste pour être différent. Mais ce que j’ai compris à ce sujet, c’est que la seule personne qu’elle affecte vraiment est The Hater. La haine construit des murs, crée de l'animosité et de la tension. Ce que je vivrais si je décidais de le haïr. Si je crois vraiment qu'il est important d'améliorer le monde, il est de ma responsabilité de m'assurer de faire de mon mieux. Cela implique de libérer de la haine pour des personnes qui, je pense, m'ont fait du tort.

2. Il est humain.

Je crois en la transparence et mentirais si je disais que son comportement ne me gêne parfois pas. Même si ses actions envers moi sont actuellement vengeantes et en colère; Je vois encore un humain. Oui, j’ai choisi de ne pas être avec lui, mais je n’ai pas besoin de le diffamer comme il essaie de me faire mal. Son chemin est le sien; le mien est à moi. Si je réagis à son comportement avec la même énergie, je le nourris. Alors, je préférerais que ça aille de l'avant et que je continue ma vie.

3. Je suis humain.

Lorsque nous avons rompu, nous avons essayé si fort de le faire de manière pacifique parce que j'avais peur d'être considéré comme méchant ou méchant, en particulier en tant que femme. Je n’ai jamais été capable d’être ami avec aucun de mes ex et cela m’a affecté. J'avais le fardeau profond de devoir être ami avec mes anciens partenaires parce que beaucoup de personnes que je connais peuvent le faire. En l'honneur de cela, je me suis plié en quatre pour essayer d'apaiser mon récent ex parce que j'avais peur d'être mal vu. Je ne voulais pas que quelqu'un me qualifie de personne qui ne peut pas garder une relation ou rester cordiale avec la personne avec laquelle elle a passé tant de temps. Il le savait et s'en servait contre moi. C'est de l'eau sous le pont. Cependant, je comprends tout à fait que je suis humain et que je ne dois pas toujours être vu sous le meilleur jour. Je dois prendre la bonne décision pour moi et pour ma santé, que cela plaise ou non. Je suis d'accord avec les gens qui me jugent parce que je ne suis qu'un humain et que je ne vivrai pas selon les normes des autres, je ne suis pas censé le faire.

4. La haine c'est créer des liens.

Si j'en ai vraiment fini avec mon ancienne relation, il n'y a plus de raison de la conserver. Ce n’est pas tous les jours que l’on pense à la pêche et au rose lorsque je pense à lui, surtout quand on voit combien il a pour moi de négativité à l’heure actuelle parce que j’entends des chansons qu’il a écrites sur moi et qui jouent fréquemment. Je ne suis pas une victime; Je peux ressentir ce que j'ai besoin de ressentir et avancer ensuite dans la paix car lorsque nous nous sentons extrêmement passionnés (de manière positive ou négative), nous restons liés à cette personne. J'ai choisi de le relâcher quoi qu'il puisse dire ou faire, car le passé ne vaut pas la peine d'être lié.

4 Reasons why I will never hate my Ex.

I’ve been pretty open about how happy I am being single and without my former partner. Sometimes, however, we can confuse statements like this as a reason to hate someone or anyone in this World. But, no one deserves that much energy and effort- especially if it’s negative.

I’ve learnt many things about relationships from being in them and from people around me. And, one of the major things that I have learnt is that when you hate someone, they control your life. It is definitely much easier said than done. But, I believe that if I am being asked to be a stronger person, I can and will rise to the occasion.

Here are 4 reasons why I will never hate my ex:

1. Hate is negative power at its height.

It’s easy to hate. I know because I’ve spent a lot of my life hating people for treating me a certain way, thinking a particular way or for just for being different. But, what I have understood about this is that the only person it really affects is The Hater. Hate builds walls, creates animosity and tension. All of which, I would be experiencing if I choose to hate him. If I truly believe in making The World a better place, then it is my responsibility to ensure that I do the best that I can. That involves releasing hate for people who I believe to have done me wrong.

2. He is human.

I believe in transparency and would be lying if I said that his behaviour doesn’t sometimes bother me. Even though his actions towards me are currently vengeful and angry; I still see a human. Yes, I have chosen to not be with him but I don’t have to vilify him like he is trying to do to me. His path is his; mine is my own. If I respond to his behaviour with the same energy, I am fueling it. So, I would rather let it go and move on with my life.

3. I am human.

When we first broke up, I tried so hard to do it in a peaceful way because I was afraid of being seen as mean or evil- especially as a woman. I’ve never been able to be friends with any of my exes and that has affected me. I carried a deep burden that I need to be friends with my former partners because a lot of people that I know can. In honour of this, I bent over backwards trying to appease my recent ex because I was afraid to be seen in a bad light. I didn’t want anyone to label me as the one who can’t keep a relationship or stay cordial with the person that she spent so much time with. He knew this and used it against me. It is water under the bridge. However, I understand fully that I am human and that I don’t have to always be seen in the best light. I have to make the right decision for me and my health, whether anyone else likes it or not. I am okay with people judging me because I am only human and I will not live according to other people’s standards- I am not meant to.

4. Hate is bonding.

If I am truly done with my former relationship then there is no reason to hold on to it anymore. Not everyday is peachy and rosy when I think about him, particularly when it is visible how much negativity he has for me right now because I hear songs that he wrote about me that play frequently. I am not a victim; I can feel what I need to feel and then move on with peace because when we feel extremely passionate (in a good or bad way) we stay tied to that person. I have chosen to release him no matter what he might say or do to me because the past is not worth being tied down to.

Lo que se necesitó para llegar a mí, parte 3.

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Me tomó la sobriedad con claridad llegar a mí.



Me tomó admitir lo que había hecho mal para llegar a mí.



Me tomó perdonarme para llegar a mí.



Me tomó perdonar a las personas a mi alrededor para llegar a mí.



Me tomó soltar lo que no puedo controlar para llegar a mí.



Me llevó mirarme al espejo para llegar a mí.



Me tomó liberar la venganza para llegar a mí.



Me tomó permitirme brillar, llegar a mí.



Me llevó soltar a las personas amenazadas por mí para llegar a mí.



Me llevó estar agradecido por cada cosa (incluidas las cosas que me han lastimado) en mi vida para llegar a mí.



Me tomó cambiar mi mentalidad para llegar a mí.



Me llevó reconocer lo que es saludable para mí, llegar a mí.



Me llevó elegir salud y bienestar para llegar a mí.

I fell in love with a narcissist and these are 3 things that I learnt from my experience.

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If someone had told me that I would’ve fallen in love with a narcissist, I would tell them that it was not possible and refuse to believe them. So, when I did fall in love with one, it felt like I was going crazy.

*According to the traditional dictionary, a narcissist is a person who is overly self-involved, often vain and selfish.

All the red flags were there; however, I ignored them because I didn’t want to believe that I was dumb enough or someone else could be manipulative enough to have the characteristics that he had. And, the worst part is that the class narcissistic traits didn’t show up in the beginning, they unfolded during our relationship. Until, I mustered every ounce of strength within me to move on from him and his toxic behaviour.
Now that I have let that relationship go, it is clear to me what happened and I can see that I was in love with a narcissist.

Here are 3 Things that I learnt from the experience:

1. The real thing is worth waiting for.

As a classic narcissist, this man would tell me everything that I wanted to hear. When we met, I had just moved to Los Angeles and had admired his music. I manifested meeting him and when we met, he made it known that he wanted to be with me. I was apprehensive because I didn’t want to be with another person who was famous (I had dated a well-known person before), and I also had a lot of issues with how he treated women. His music videos were bombarded with naked women and I became embarrassed of what my family would think if I dated (or even) married him.

I resisted being in a relationship with him and as a result, he would follow me and make sure that his presence was known. He put up billboards near where I frequented, got people to play songs that he had written about me around me and would mimic my behaviour about wellness so that I would think he was a person who was evolving and working on himself. He portrayed an image to me of someone who I would consider giving a chance to have in my life. As his mask began to crumble, I noticed his inauthenticity and that he was putting on a façade so that I wouldn’t leave our relationship. The only problem is that he wasn’t being authentic. Who he presented himself to me as was a different person to who he actually was, I started to figure this out.

This taught me that the person who is worthy of being with will take time. If someone wants to shower you with love and what you want to hear, they might be avoiding revealing a big part of themselves to you: their true selves.

2. Our intuition is power.

This was the biggest lesson that I took from this relationship. There is a reason why it took me so long to go on a date with him in the first place because I was never really into him. I knew that there was something he was hiding and I had a feeling that he wasn’t being true or honest with me and mostly, with himself. I have always been intuitive; however, where people who take advantage of me get me is by trying to make me believe that I am not a good person because I aim to be kind and considerate to everyone until you have proven to me that my kindness will go to waste. Which, is what he did.

I started dating him out of compassion, then I started to see that I was sacrificing a part of myself. Once I noticed that I was losing myself, I would try and end things. Which is when the manipulation would start. He would tell me that his life would be nothing without me or that he couldn’t live without me. After we broke up, I became his friend because he was doing badly and I felt remorse for him and his kids. He used this as a way to ask for my hand in marriage. He asked me to marry him almost everyday for two weeks. I was so exhausted, I almost said ‘Yes’ to get him off my back but then I remembered the pain that he had caused me that led me to break up with him in the first place.

I knew in the beginning that the outcome would be as is, before anything happened because my intuition knew that he was not in alignment with being authentic or coming from a good place. Now, I listen to that voice because that nudge is a gift from God that could save me from experiences that are avoidable.

3. Asking to be with someone kind is not asking for too much.

During The Summer, I initially broke up with him because I had found something that disturbed me on his Instagram story. He was on a yacht with two women and he was pressed up against a woman from behind. No man who is in a monogamous relationship with a woman should be doing this with another woman. We had had discussions of how this behaviour had previously upset me, so the fact that he continued to do it pushed me to my edge. He spent some time trying to get me back while I was going through one of the hardest times of my life.

I had discovered that I had an unknown stalker who I woke up to on my dining room floor professing his love for me. Most people that I told this story to were upset and concerned but, not him. In fact, he didn’t even care. He didn’t ask how I was doing or was even bothered because he (ultimately) had no respect for me as a person. This was a huge sign and I distanced myself from him even more after this because I realized that not all company is good company. I didn’t want to just keep him around for the sake of having an extra body in my life. I want people in my life who genuinely care about me and are kind enough to ask if I am okay when something horrific happens. Asking to be around kind and considerate people isn’t asking for too much.

Since we have broken up, he has said the most vile things about me and has sent hate and negative vibes my way. But, I am not bothered or affected. I learnt what I needed to learn from the situation. I still love him but from a distance and through a different lens. I see with clarity that people who abuse me, speak badly of me, are disloyal and unkind do not deserve me.

Dear Future Husband,

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Dear Future Husband,

I feel you near and I look forward to you’re very arrival because I want to give to you what I have found within myself: stability, love and nurture.

I know what you have been through and I will never shame you for it. Everything that you went through you had to, to be the person you are and you are magic! You are beautiful in every way.

I can feel our love beyond surfaces and what meets the eye. It electrifies me and fills me with joy and excitement.

Now I know why I went through everything that I went through, it was to get to me and then, to get to you. Your courage, your knowledge, your voice, your smile, your respect for women and your understanding of life. The list goes and-on-and-on of things that make you lovable.

I’ve learnt that waiting causes pain and suffering so I will live my life with joy, happiness and love and, hope that you do the same. You deserve love, happiness, stability and joy. If I am not the one to provide to you, I hope you align yourself with someone who is worthy of your time and affection.

I love you,

Hali

Izindima ezi-4 engizenzile ngidlala ebudlelwaneni.

Bengingashadi ezinyangeni eziyisithupha ezedlule futhi ngithole ithuba lokungena shí emiqondweni yami, engikuthandayo kanye nenjongo yami yempilo. Ukungasho ukuthi lokhu akwenzeki uma usebudlelwaneni; nokho, uhlobo lobambiswano ebengikade nginalo ngaphambili, ngabanikeza okungaphezu kwalokho engangikuthola emuva.

Anginayo inzondo maqondana nanoma yikuphi ukukhululwa kwami. Ngibathanda kakhulu futhi ngibafisela okuhle. Bangabantu abahle futhi bangisizile ukwakheka kwami ​​ukuthi ngibe namuhla. Angixhumani neningi lazo, kwesinye isikhathi engidabukisayo ngalo ngoba ngikholelwa ukuthi uma wabelane ngohambo oluhle nomunye umuntu, asikho isidingo sokuphatha kabi noma ukubacasukela. Bonke ubuhlobo bunosuku lokuphelelwa isikhathi.

Ubudlelwano bami bokugcina, obuphela ngoJuni, buqinisa ezinye zezifundo ezinkulu kakhulu engake ngazithinta ngaphambili. Ingxenye yesizathu sokuthi yenzeka kungenxa yokuthi umlingani wami wangaphambili wayaziwa kakhulu futhi kwesinye isikhathi, ngodumo kuza nokungahambi kahle, ubuthi futhi abantu bakhangwa umbono we-facade. Yize ngisamthanda lo mlisa, kuyacaca impela ukuthi asihloselwe ukuba ndawonye ekubambeni isikhathi eside, kodwa kulungile. Akuyona yonke into ebalulekile futhi eshintsha impilo edinga ukuzibophezela isikhathi eside. Kwesinye isikhathi abantu nezinto beza ezimpilweni zethu ukusifundisa okuthile noma ezimbili bese sihlukana ngezindlela.

Ngalobu budlelwano obudlule, ngifunde izinto eziningi. In iningi labo, ngadlala indima. Noma yisiphi isihloko engisidlalile size nomhlatshelo, wami. Bengihlala ngikholelwa ukuthi ngidinga ukuncela ingxenye yokuthi ngingubani / ukuthi ngithandwe- okuyinto engamanga amakhulu.

Uthando lweqiniso luqala ngokwamukela futhi manje njengoba sengithole lolo hlobo lothando lwami, ngingahlonishwa ukuluhlanganyela nolunye.

Nazi izindima ezi-4 engizenziwe ngidlala ebudlelwaneni:

1. I-'iphelele '.

Kwakuwusuku lwami lweshumi nanhlanu lokuzalwa lapho ubaba angifonela khona ezongitshela ukuthi usendleleni futhi akazange abuye. Akagcinanga lapho kodwa akazange abonakale kodwa angikaze ngimbone. Unqume ukuthi akafuni ukuba yingxenye yomndeni wethu. Lobuhlungu engabufihla iminyaka eminingi ngesimo sokudinga ukupheleliswa ngoba, ngokuzithoba, ngangicabanga ukuthi yisona sizathu esenza ashiye. Ngigcinile imfihlo eyayivela kubangane bami abaseduze ngoba izimpilo zabo zazibonakala zilungile futhi ngesaba ukuthi uma ngiphula isikhunta 'esihle', ngeke ngithandeke kunoma ngubani. Le nkolelo yilokho engabambelela kuyo kuze kube muva nje. Bengikholelwa ukuthi uma ngikhombisa noma ngubani izinyembezi zami noma ngiqaphe imizwa yami yangempela nobuhlungu, bayogijima. Ngokuphikisana nalokho engangikukholelwe, kwenza okuphambene.

Ukudala isikhunta sokuphelela kwengingubani, umuntu okufanele ngibe naye futhi nokuthi kufanele sibukeke kanjani kubo bonke abanye ngamanga. Eyodwa engakufanelekeli ukuyiphila ngoba ngenkathi sakha ama-facade, siyazidela, ubudlelwano nabantu esibathandayo.

2. 'Umfel' ukholo.

Mhlawumbe lokhu kunguphawu lwabantwana abaphakathi noma ukuba ngumntwana wesehlukaniso; kodwa-ke, bengizizwa njalo ngathi yimi umuntu okumele ancike kuye. Le ndlela yokucabanga ukholo yaheha futhi yangena ebudlelwaneni nabantu ababenethezekile ngokulahla umthwalo wabo kimi ngoba ngangizowuthatha. Ngangiyehliswa, ngibe ngiphinda ngiphoxekile, kuze kube yilapho sengishiya noma ngihlukane nomlingani wami.

Bengihlala ngikholelwa ukuthi uthando lweqiniso lusho ukuba ngumsindisi womunye umuntu; kodwa-ke, sengize ngaqonda futhi ngafunda ukuthi yithi kuphela esingazisindisa. Ngiyakwazi ukusekela, ukukhuthaza, ukuthonya kanye nokushiya umbono komunye umuntu. Kepha, uma lowo muntu engafuni ukuguquka, angikwazi ukubaphoqa.

3. I-'ipholile 'eyodwa.

Noma ngingowesifazane impela, bengilokhu ngithambekele emisebenzini eqhutshwa ngabesilisa futhi yokuncintisana. Ngenxa yalokho, ngaba nabangane abaningi besilisa, abaningi babo engangizokugcina bethandana nabo. Ngoba sasingabangani bangaphambili, babezizwa bekhululekile nami. Kwesinye isikhathi, babenethezekile nami ukuthi bangasho izinto ezingafanele kimi ngendlela omunye umuntu wesifazane akhange ngayo futhi nemingcele yethu ivele ibe mfushane ngoba senze abangane abaningi njengabalingani. Ubungani bubalulekile ekubambisaneni; nokho, abalingani nabangane behlukile. Sikhetha abalingani esizophila nabo, ukuthi mhlawumbe sibe nezingane futhi, sikhule sindawonye- lokhu akuvamile ukuba ngomphumela nabangane.

Ukubambisana okunempilo kudinga imingcele futhi sengiqedile ukudlala indima yokuthi ngilungile ngomngcele ophukile noma ngingahloniphi lapho ngingekho. Ukudlala ndawonye nokungakhulumi kuholela kuphela kumunyu nasentukuthelweni phansi.

4. I-'amisa- eyodwa '.

Mhlawumbe kungenxa yokuthi ngiyi-Aquarius kepha ngikholelwa enkululekweni futhi nokuba nomuntu othokozela ukuba kwami, hhayi umuntu engiphoqe ukuba nami. Ngiyavuma ngokuphelele ukuthi ngake ngawela emgomweni wokuthi uthando lunomhawu, luyasho futhi alunamusa lapho umuzwa wami ubuhlale ungitshela ngenye indlela.

Njengabantu besifazane, sikhuliswa ngamazwi anjengokuthi, 'Udinga ukumgcina ehlola', 'Angabuka kepha aqiniseke ukuthi uyazi ukuthi ukuphi ekhaya 'noma,' Uyindoda, uzokopela '. Ukukholelwa lezi zinkulumo kungibangele ubuhlungu obukhulu nokuhlupheka ngoba baqinisekisa ukuthi abesifazane kufanele bazinze okuncane futhi balindele okuncane kubantu besilisa. Angiqiniseki ukuthi kungani ngawakholelwa la mazwi ngoba ngakhuliswa abesifazane abaqinile abakholelwa okuhlukile kulokhu. Ngenkathi ngisebenzisa la mazwi angamanga empilweni yami, ngangihlala ngizisola ngokudela ukuzithemba kwami nobuqotho bami ngoba ngibe nobudlelwano nomuntu engingafanele ngabe ngibe naye ekuqaleni.

Lapho sengithole uthando lwangempela ngami, ngakhipha isidingo sokuba nomunye umuntu. Ikakhulu uma lowo muntu engangihloniphi, amanani ami, isiko lami nalokho engikholelwa kukho.

4 Things that my Twin-Flame connection has taught me.

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In my last article, I wrote about the journey that I have been on with my twin-flame, or what some people refer to as soulmate. Following this article, I have received many questions about my journey.

One of the main questions was, what is the point of this connection between two people? It is believed that the main reason for this connection is to elevate both people in this connection so that they elevate the level of consciousness in The World. Therefore, a lot of growth needs to happen within both people for them to re-unite otherwise it is destructive.
So, I only found it fitting that I write about the four main things that I have learnt about myself through this journey:

1. Insecurity begins from within.
After I met my twin-flame, he came into my workplace with another woman and I swore that I would never speak to him again. I blocked him on social media and asked myself how rude it is for someone who is interested in me to show up with another woman? Looking back, I was projecting my insecurities onto him. I never even asked who she was to him. I was so hurt by my past that I assumed what had happened to me would happen again. In the past, I have had relationships where the person that I was with felt insecure and projected that into me, by telling me that I wasn’t worthy or making me feel that way. So, when I saw my twin-flame asking for things for another woman, my old story came up. The story that says that I am not enough. I found myself resenting him for it until one day, I broke free of this story and freed myself of the need to carry baggage and insecurities from my past. I created a new story: I am love, I am light and I am enough, whether someone else thinks so or not.

2. Hate is attachment too.
During my angry phase with my twin-flame, I swore that I would never speak to him again. I received signs from The Universe: See his name on billboards, people would mention him around me and I would come into contact with people who knew him. I was running away from him and what he came with, only to be followed by messages of him. I woke up one day, crying as I asked myself why him? I had developed so much hate from him that it was affecting me. I would hope that I never saw him again and when I did, I would act like he didn’t exist or that I didn’t know him. After my fits of rage and upset out of disappointment, I had a realization that hate is attachment. The kind kind of attachment that breeds hostility and negativity. It was weighing me down. I decided to move forward towards forgiveness and love. I did so by meditating and accepting him for who he is while releasing any need for him to act and be the way that I want him to be.

3. Forgiveness is the foundation of any relationship.
As I mentioned in the last article, I had trouble accepting his past- sometimes I still do. You see, I have spent a lot of my adulthood, seeking peace and health. And, I had always thought that my twin-flame was somewhere on this Earth doing the same. So, when I found out that he was a producer in the music industry, I was disappointed because that industry comes from what I have spent my life running away from: drugs, exploitation of women and toxic people. I was on a bus in Colorado when it dawned on me that, his past has brought him to this point. Whatever has led him to this point, I need to be grateful for and through gratitude, I found forgiveness. Through forgiveness, I can appreciate him for who he is. He is a wonderful person with a past and I can’t hold my past against him because if I do, I block the love that we can give to each other whole-heartedly.

4. Let love in.
A part of me was afraid to love him because I was holding onto what has happened before. I found myself speaking (during a class that I was teaching) about being open and trusting love. The thought came to my mind, have I? Have I been open? The answer was no. Then I thought, why? Another thought came to me saying that the past might happen again. I began an inward battle of the devil vs. the angel. The devil being the one that wanted me to stay in resentment and hold onto the past and anger; the angel wanted me to progress, to forgive and to let my twin flame’s love in. From that moment on, I chose to let his love in. Everyday, I choose to let his love in because his love makes me feel safe, helps me break boundaries & limitations that I have placed on myself and, reminds me that we deserve love.

Dear God, did I give up too soon?

Image from Unsplash

Dear God,

Please guide me. I need your direction.

You gave me all these signs and lead me to someone who seems so broken and in pain. And, we all know about people who are broken and in pain, they replicate it onto others. I have dealt out my share of pain onto others and received a fair hand enough to know that that is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

I have done too much work on myself to be lead backwards. I only want to move forward. God, guide me to light. I’m tired of being on the journey of light alone. You promised me a partner.

A partner who is kind, loving and supportive. I can do it alone but I would prefer this journey to be with another and with the person that you lead me to. However, his actions have shown me that he is not prepared for the light. He chases light but once he has it, sabotages it. I don’t have the energy or time to hold someone accountable for their own guidance to light, that has to come from him. Because I will only become more resentful if I stay and he continues to behave like this.

I am worth respect, kindness, compassion and a healthy form of love. God, a part of me is afraid that if I walk from this man then I will never be with my soulmate. The one who you told me was my true love. So, I am not sure what to do. I choose to be with someone who puts me first and will not settle for anything else.

God, please guide me? You know what is best. You’ve shown me before, please show me again? I want to stand up for myself and what I believe in and also be with my soulmate. Is this possible? I am done with my Ego. I am done with facades; I just want to be true. True in love, true in self, true in wealth and true in presence.

I know that this is possible, please guide me? I am patient. I trust you. You have never let me down.

Sincerely,

4 More ways that I have applied The Laws of Karma to a recent break-up.

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If you are not up to speed with the latest article that I wrote before this, please check it out? It will enlighten you about what I am about to elaborate on.

I recently went through a break-up and I have found The 12 Laws of Karma really helpful.

Here are 4 more ways that I have applied these laws to what I am going through:

1. I participated, too.

Since hearing these twelve laws again, I have become obsessed with them as we can apply them to everything in life. When I first read over them after hearing them in that yoga class, I landed on The Law of Creation- Life doesn’t just happen. It requires our participation.

As I mentioned beforehand, my Ex courted me by chasing me for a few months. During those months, I made myself out to be the victim as though there was nowhere to run but into his arms. Being reminded that I have participated in this, is empowering. I can/ will say no moving forward, no matter what gift he sends me, billboard he puts up or song he writes for me.

2. It’s time to practice what I’ve been preaching.

I had a lightbulb moment during a SoulCycle class: I am a beautiful, strong and kind women; I deserve to be treated accordingly. Then I read The Law of Giving and Hospitality- If you believe something to be true, then sometime in your life you will be called to demonstrate it.

If I truly believe that I am worthy of genuine respect and kindness. Then, now is the time to practice it. Not when someone is treating me well but when I have to walk away from someone who has treated me the opposite of how I should be treated. Standing firm in how I think I should be treated is demonstrating that I deserve to be treated like a strong and beautiful woman.

3. Forgiveness is the ultimate peace.

As I mentioned in the last article, when I was hurt by his actions, I declared war. I swore that I would prove to him that he was wrong and I wanted to get even. I started plotting and scheming, feeling like the opposite of a Yogi. I had developed so much hate that nothing else but revenge would suffice.

Forgiveness seemed like a fallacy until I was in that same yoga class and the teacher read The Great Law- As you sow, so shall you reap. I began to envision how much hate I could inflict on him and realized that all that hate would hurt me more than him because I would have to think of the revenge, inflict it and then remember what I had done. Is life worth putting out all that negative energy? After this thought, I decided to choose forgiveness. Forgiveness so that I can clearly cut the chord between him and I.

4. It takes enough times that it takes to move forward.

I’m not sure why I feel such a strong connection to him but one day, I will understand. However, a connection to a relationship that is toxic is a negative one.

Reading The Law of Change- history repeats itself until we learn the lessons that we need to change, reminded me that I may not have been able to successfully keep a distance from him before. But, hopefully I will be able to now. Otherwise I will keep experiencing the pain that I felt in that relationship. Being in this relationship has been a major lesson of my life and I had to learn these lessons so that I could see the change that I needed to make before I moved on. Lessons that I am still learning and reflecting on.