Izinto ezingu-3 ngazifunda cishe ekushadweni

Angikaze ngibe intombazane eyayifuna ukushada. Angizange ngikhulise umshado, umshado noma ingubo. Ngivela emndenini wabesifazane abanamandla abangashadile, ngokwabo-njengomkhiqizo woMkhulu wami njengomuntu wesifazane nowesifazane onamandla kakhulu.

Ukwengeza lokho, ngingumntwana wokuhlukanisa. Ngakho, umshado awuzange kubonakale njengomphumela wokuphela ngoba ngabona abantu, ikakhulukazi abesifazane, abajabula kakhulu ngaphandle komshado kunalokho. Ngakhula ngikholelwa ukuthi amadoda angaphumelela kakhulu emshadweni kunabesifazane. Futhi, njengoba ngingumhlubuki engiyikho, angikaze ngifune ukungena into ngenxa yomhlomulo wesilisa.

Ngakho-ke cishe eminyakeni eyishumi eyedlule, lapho ngineminyaka engu-20 ubudala futhi ngimemezela ukuthi ngishade, wonke umuntu wayesethukile futhi esaba kakhulu. Nginemibuzo eminingi kanye nokukhathazeka, ikakhulukazi abantu bezibuza ukuthi nginengqondo yini. Babengazi ukuthi nakuba indoda engangihlelwa ukuyoshada yayingumuntu engangikuthanda kakhulu, ngangingenalo uthando. Nganginezinye izizathu, okuzohlala ngasese ngenxa yakhe.

Ngokujabulisayo, akukho mthunzi, angizange ngishade. Kodwa ngafunda izinto ezimbalwa futhi lapha kukhona ezintathu zazo:

1. Umshado awufanani nenhlonipho.

Ngokwethembeka, noma ubani angashada. Nakuba kufanele uqhubeke nenqubo yokwahlulela eqinile lapho usuzoshada, isitifiketi somshado asidingi ukuba ube umuntu ongcono. Sivame ukudweba lesi sithombe ukuthi umshado ulingana nezinto eziningi futhi, inhlonipho ingenye yazo. Ngokuqinisekile, umshado isitifiketi esibopha abantu ababili ndawonye ngezifungo. Inhlonipho kufanele isungulwe, ngaphandle kwesitifiketi, ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ihlala.

2. Uma umuzwa ungekho, ungacindezeli.

Ngikholelwa lokhu ngezinto eziningi kodwa ikakhulukazi ngomshado. Ngezinye izikhathi, ngicabanga ukuthi ukuphila kwami  bekuyoba njani uma ngabe ngithuthele eYurophu (nginomyeni wami ngaleso sikhathi) futhi ngibonga ukuthi angizange ngihambe nazo. Ngichitha iningi lentsha yami ngokuphoqa ubudlelwane. Ngibheka ikhono lomlingani wami ngokumelene nobani ngenkathi nginabo. Ngangiphoqa ukuba ngikholelwe umqondo owawungewona wangempela. Kukhona umehluko omkhulu phakathi kokufuna okuthile okusebenzayo futhi ukuphoqa ukuba usebenze. Owokuqala uzokushiya ngokuthula futhi okulandelayo kuzokushiya ukuhlanekezela nokuphenduka ebusuku.

3. Yenzani wena, ngoba akekho omunye.

Lo mbono ubonakala ugovu kodwa ubheke njengalokhu: nguwe kuphela okufanele uphile nemiphumela yezenzo zakho. Udinga ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ujabule ngezinqumo ozenzayo. Ngenhlanhla kimi, akekho okholelwa ukuthi ngizoshada ngakho ngangingamvumeli muntu phansi lapho ngitshela ukuthi kwakungekho okwenzekayo. Ngisho noma uvumela abanye phansi, hamba ukuthi abantu babekwahlulela ngezinqumo zakho. Kungcono impilo yakho emva kwakho konke

3 things that I learnt from almost getting married.

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I’ve never been the girl who wanted to get married. I didn’t grow up idolizing marriage, the wedding or the dress. I come from a family of strong women who don’t get married, by their own accord- as a product of my Grandfather being a feminist and superb human being.

Adding to that, I am a child of divorce. So, marriage never seemed like the end result because I saw people, particularly women, who were happier without marriage than with it. I grew up believing that men would benefit more from marriage than women do. And, being the rebel that I am, I have never wanted to fall into something because of a male’s benefit.

So almost ten years ago, when I was 20-years-old and made the announcement that I was getting married, everyone was in shock and horror. I got a lot of questions and concerns, mostly people wondering if I was mentally okay. They didn’t know that although the man that I was set to marry was someone that I loved dearly, I was not doing it for love. I had other reasons, which will remain private for his sake.

Thankfully, no shade, I didn’t get married. But I learnt a few things and here are three of them:

1. Marriage does not equal respect.

Honestly, anyone can get married. Although you have to go through an intense judicial process when you are about to get married, a marriage certificate does not require you to be a better person. We often paint this image that marriage equals many things and, respect is one of them. Truthfully, marriage is a certificate that binds two people together by vows. Respect has to be established, aside from the certificate, to make sure that it lasts.

2. If the feeling is not there, don’t force it.

I believe this about most things but particularly with marriage. Sometimes, I think about what my life would be like if I had moved to Europe (with my prospective husband at the time) and I am grateful that I didn’t go through with it. I spent a lot of my youth forcing relationships. Looking at my partner’s potential as opposed to who they were while I was with them. I forced myself to believe an idea that wasn’t real.  There is a huge difference between wanting something to work and forcing it to work out. The former will leave you at peace and the latter will leave you twisting and turning at night.


3. Do it for yourself, for no one else.

This idea seems selfish but look at it like this: you are the only one who has to live with the consequences of your actions. You need to make sure that you are happy with the decisions that you are making. Luckily for me, no one believed in my prospective marriage so I wasn’t letting anyone down when I told them that it wasn’t happening anymore. Even if it is letting others down, be okay with having people judge you for your decisions. It’s your life after all.

12 things that can not replace love.

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I am a firm-believer that love is the most powerful energy in the world. Sometimes, we want that energy so much that we replace it with others things. 

Like Maya Angelou said, ‘My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return. Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope’

Here are 12 things that can not replace love:

1. Sex

2. Money

3. Looks

4. Fame

5. Power

6. Manipulation

7. Co-ercement

8. Ego

9. Stability

10. Security

11. Routine

12. Judgement

3 things I learnt from having my fortune told to me.

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I’ve had my cards, palm and energy read a few times and all of them eluded that I would meet my soulmate once I moved to California.

Alas, I move here only to find that two more energy and tarot card readers tell me the same thing that I had heard before. None of them knew each other but all described this man in the same way and said that he would show up at my job. One of them even counted down the exact day that he would come.

And, when he showed up, I didn’t expect it to be so disappointing. In my head, it would be a fantasy. I would run into his arms, tell him that I had waited for him my whole life and that he could rest assure because I was here to take care of him.

It didn’t turn out like that. In fact, it has been the opposite. When I come into contact with him, I avoid him because I expected him to be more than what he is. It’s a never-ending journey but this is what I have and am still learning:

1. It’s out of my hands.

It’s difficult being told that you will end up with someone when you don’t believe that you will. I am learning not to force it or get in my own way because God has a divine order, it’s bigger than I am and I am learning to trust. Trust that I don’t know why it hasn’t happened today and might never happen. But trust that things are exactly the way that they are meant to be.

2. He will be who he is, and I accept that.

When I received all these signs that he could possibly be any soulmate, I did some research on him- out of curiosity and fear. I found out some things that I didn’t want to know, particularly about his treatment of women. In my mind, my soulmate is meant to be a gentleman and kind to women. In my mind, he has understood the struggle of women his whole life; not a part of women’s problems. I asked myself and God, ‘Why him?’, to which I still don’t have an answer. I can spend hours talking about how I dislike his behaviour towards women and spend more hours wondering why he acts through his Ego and isn’t a better person. But, all of that would be a waste of my time. Time that I don’t have or won’t get back if I give it.

3. It’s not up to him to make me happy.

Whoever sold us this idea that our happiness depends on finding ‘the one’ lied. After seeing him out with a woman, romantically, I was devastated. I wondered why God would play around with me like that. I felt stripped of the fantasy that I had been sold. There I was, back in the situation that I always found myself in where the man I chose was choosing someone else and it angered me. It angered me because despite how I feel about him, he was supposed to be the one. And then it dawned on me, I am the one. I am the only one who can make myself truly happy. I want to be so solid, strong and unshakable that when I am in a circumstance like that, I can say Thank you for reminding me to be selective instead of allowing you to have power over me. I’m almost there but until I am there, I will keep believing that that day will come.

I accept him for who he is

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I accept that he is not changing. 

I accept that it is not up to him to change.

I accept that it is not up to me to change him. 

I accept that he can be whoever he wants to be.

I accept that I can free myself of who I want him to be. 

I accept that I can clear myself of any fears. 

I accept that everything is finally so crystal clear

I accept that it was only meant to be what it was.

I accept that I don’t need to have control over him.

I accept that I can only control myself.

I accept that it is what it is and peace is number 1 over anything else.

4 questions à se poser avant de devenir sérieux avec quelqu'un romantique

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 Le partenaire avec lequel nous choisissons d'être peut avoir un effet sur notre vie quotidienne: mentalement, physiquement et spirituellement. Souvent, nous pensons que nous rencontrons quelqu'un au hasard, puis soudainement, les choses se gâtent sans que nous ayons notre mot à dire sur la raison ou la façon dont cela s'est passé. Je suis un partisan convaincu de la vie intentionnelle, qui inclut aussi le romantisme.

Voici 4 questions que vous devez vous poser avant d'avoir une relation sérieuse avec quelqu'un:

1. Suis-je prêt?

Je ne veux pas dire prêt comme "j'ai tout fait ensemble" prêt. Je veux dire prêt du genre: «Suis-je capable de tout donner émotionnellement à quelqu'un sans le blesser ni le projeter délibérément?» C’est une question que beaucoup de gens ne se posent pas, mais c’est nécessaire. Nous sous-estimons le pouvoir de ce qu'une relation peut faire pour vous. Cela peut soit vous préparer à votre meilleure vie, soit être la raison pour laquelle vous vivez votre pire vie. Vous demander si vous êtes prêt vous permet d'être réaliste avec vous-même, de sorte que vous sachiez ce que vous pouvez gérer dans une relation et si vous êtes prêt à le faire.

2. Quelles sont mes intentions en entrant dans cela?

Que nous le réalisions ou non, nous avons tous des intentions lorsque nous commençons quelque chose. Cela peut être inconsciemment ou consciemment, mais nos intentions déterminent souvent comment nous allons agir ou nous comporter dans une relation. Par exemple, si vous ne vivez que du sexe dans une relation, vous pourriez passer le plus clair de votre temps à avoir des relations sexuelles, puis lorsque le rapport sexuel devient ennuyeux, vous vous ennuyez avec la personne ou vous vous battez avec elle parce que les fondements d'une relation étaient: jamais là pour commencer. Cela peut être appliqué à beaucoup d'autres choses que le sexe. Assurez-vous de vous demander quelles sont vos intentions dans une relation afin de bien comprendre ce que vous voulez en faire et ce que vous allez lui donner.

3. Ai-je grandi depuis ma dernière relation?

Il y a environ 6 ans, j'ai eu l'une des plus grandes épiphanies de ma vie. J'ai réalisé que j'étais le problème commun à toutes mes relations. J'avais eu trois relations à long terme et continuais à blâmer mes ex. Pour beaucoup de choses qui avaient mal tourné dans ma vie jusqu'à ce que je réalise que j'attirais le même homme, qui ressemblait à mon père, et que, jusqu'à ce que je me sépare de ce comportement inconscient, Je continuerais à souffrir. J'ai décidé d'être célibataire pour la première fois depuis des années et de me concentrer sur moi-même; ce n’était pas facile. J'ai passé du temps à apprendre à me connaître et à m'aimer moi-même afin de ne pas devoir continuer le cycle d'hommes entrant et sortant de ma vie, me laissant vide et me permettant de le rester parce que je ne savais pas comment me remplir. J’ai appris à être là pour moi-même afin que, si une autre relation ne fonctionnait pas, je n’aurais pas à prendre 10 pas en arrière avec une boîte de kleenex et un verre de vin à la main. Je pourrais faire un pas en arrière pour observer, puis trois pas en avant avec pardon, foi et espoir en l'avenir.

4. Suis-je capable de faire confiance? Honnêtement, c'est quelque chose sur lequel je travaille. Je viens d’une histoire d’hommes qui ont trompé leurs amies et leurs épouses et plus tard dans ma vie, mon «futur mari» m'a trompé. Cela m'a laissé sur mes gardes et avec l'incapacité de faire confiance aux hommes et de me faire confiance. Fais confiance aux hommes avec mon coeur et fais moi confiance pour ne pas devenir fou avec quelqu'un qui me fait mal. C’est un voyage continu sur lequel je vais continuer à travailler car la confiance est nécessaire dans chaque relation. Si nous ne faisons pas confiance aux gens, ils n’ont jamais vraiment notre cœur et comment pouvons-nous savoir de ne pas faire confiance aux autres si nous ne leur avons pas donné la chance de se faire confiance? Une fois que j'ai suffisamment confiance en moi pour savoir que tout ira bien, cela me permet de faire davantage confiance aux autres parce que les gens seront les gens. Il y a des gens dignes de confiance et indignes de confiance, ne les rassemblez pas simplement parce que quelqu'un vous a fait du

4 questions to ask yourself before you get romantically serious with someone.

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The partner that we choose to be with can have an effect on our daily lives: mentally, physically and spiritually. A lot of the times we think that we are just randomly going on a date with someone and then all of a sudden, things get serious without us having a say in why or how it happened.

I am a firm-believer in living  with intent, that includes romantically too.

Here are 4 questions that you must ask yourself before having a serious relationship with someone:

1. Am I ready?
I don’t mean ready like ‘I have everything together’ ready. I mean ready like, ‘Am I able to give my all, emotionally, to someone without purposefully hurting or projecting onto them?’ It’s a question that a lot of people don’t ask themselves but it is necessary. We underestimate the power of what a relationship can do for you. It can either set you up for your best life or be the reason why you are living your worst life. Asking yourself if you are ready allows you to be realistic with yourself so that you are aware of what you can handle in a relationship and if you are ready to handle it.

2. What are my intentions entering this?

Whether we realize it or not, we all have intentions when we start something. It might be subconsciously or consciously but our intentions often determine how we will act or behave in a relationship. For example, if you go into a relationship only wanting to have sex, you might spend most of your time having sex and then when the sex becomes boring, you are bored with the person or you fight with them because the fundamentals of a relationship were never there to begin with. This can be applied to a lot of things other than sex. Make sure that you ask yourself your intentions in a relationship so that you are clear on what you want from it and what you will give to it.

3. Have I grown since my last relationship?

About 6 years ago, I had one of the biggest epiphanies of my life. I realized that I was the common problem between all of my relationships. I had had three long-term relationships and continued to blame my exes for a lot that went wrong in my life until I realized that I was attracting the same man, who resembled my father, and that until I broke myself of this subconscious behaviour, I would continue to suffer. I decided to be single for the first time in years and focus on myself; it wasn’t easy. I spent time getting to know myself and loving myself so that I didn’t have to continue the cycle of men coming in-and-out of my life, leaving me empty and me allowing it to be that way because I didn’t know how to fill myself up. I learnt how to be there for myself so that, if another relationship didn’t work out, I wouldn’t have to take 10 steps back with a box of Kleenex and a glass of wine in my hand. I could take one step back to observe and then 3 steps forward with forgiveness, faith and hope for the future.

4. Am I able to trust?

Honestly, this is something that I am working on. I come from a history of men who cheated on their girlfriends and wives and later on in my life, my ‘husband-to-be’ cheated on me. It left me guarded and with the inability to trust men and trust myself. Trust men with my heart and trust myself to not go crazy on someone who hurts me. It’s a continuous journey and one that I will continue to work on because trust is necessary in every relationship. If we don’t trust people, they never really have our hearts and how can we know not to trust others if we haven’t given them a chance to be trusted in the first place? Once I trust myself enough to know that I will be okay regardless, it allows me to trust others more because people will be people. There are trustworthy and untrustworthy people, don’t lump them together just because someone did you wrong.

I have hope that you will find true love and respect.

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I have hope that you will find true love and respect. And, when you do, I hope that you treat her better than the way that you have treated me.

I have hope that you think highly enough of her to call her back. I have hope that you will respect her enough to be there for her, not when you want to be; but when she needs you to be.

I have hope that you will be kind enough to her to refrain from leaving her hanging, bothered or upset.

I have hope that you will find it in yourself to show up on time- not on the hour but at the point of consideration.

I have hope that your friends will get along with her and that they will not promote an un-necessary cycle of negativity that leads to her being confused and feeling unwanted.

I have hope that you will choose love over your Ego. I also have hope that you will tell her that you love her when you love her.

I have hope that you will treat her humanely because she, just like you, is human. She cries, she smiles and she remembers- just like you. When you will be upset, so shall she. When you are confused, so shall she be. And when you blame her, she too, shall blame herself.

That is why I have hope that you treat your future-love better than me. I have hope that both of us will be spared of this occurring again. I have hope because you, just like I, deserve love and respect.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect.

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I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He will be in the form of someone considerate. Someone who understands me. When he will be in my life, I will feel exactly how I feel now: full of joy and contention.

I will feel happy and not feel the need to conform because he will accept me the way that I accept myself. He will not demean me or fear communicating with me. Everything will come naturally. And, naturally we will live life. Not bound to papers that enforce commitment, but bound to the respect that is sincere for one another.

He will not allow anyone to mistreat me and be okay with it. Furthermore, he will not be the reason that I am ever hurt. We will have our issues, as we are people after all. However, when we do, we will come out stronger and full of victory that will be worn through our joy and love for one another.

I accept that I have not met this man because when I do, I will know. He will have no reason to continuously fight me or go out of his way to throw harmful words at me. He will have no reason to treat me any other way than human.

He will have no reason to leave me hanging, crying and he would be heartbroken at the thought that he could ever harm me. Because when he holds me in his arms, he will be reminded that he has done something good in his life. He will always find a way for me to want him in my life. 

4 things that I have accepted not being okay with as a woman.

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Although I do not 100% support the ‘Me too’ movement, I am a firm-believer in change. Change that was very much needed. Whether it affects your life or not, it is clear that women do not have the same privileges  as a man does because, in general, we get paid less, we are expected to look a certain way and our bodies never really belong to us. Our bodies are criticized, ogled over and stared at whether we like it or not.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a woman; however, we have to deal with some injustices that men do not have to. And, that can translate into our relationships.

Here are 4 things that I have learnt that I don’t have to be okay with, as a woman:

1. Being played games with.

I’m not sure where this idea developed that the man that plays games with us is the one that wants us the most. Because, in games, there is always a loser. The reason why healthy relationships do not start off with game-playing is because healthy relationships require both people to be equal. We all want to be included. So this idea of ‘If I really like someone, I don’t show them’ is something that destructs a relationship because you haven’t given the other person a chance before it has even started. Being in a relationship requires honesty, trust, vulnerability and love. None of those come from playing games with the other.

2. Being disappeared on.

This could fall into ‘the games’ section; however, I think it deserves it’s own paragraph. When I was younger, I thought it was okay for someone that I was seeing to come in &out of my life as they please. However, now I know better. When we allow people to come and go as they please, every time that they leave, they take a part of us with them which is not fair to us. Yes, unconditional love is beautiful but sometimes the best kind of love is saying no. No, I won’t let you talk to me like that. No, you cannot come and go as you please. And no, I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Ultimately, you are allowed to have boundaries in a relationship because boundaries mean that you are loving yourself and you are more able to love your partner when you have started with yourself. 

3. Staring at someone else (who is attractive)in front of my presence.

A glance and a stare are two different things. I used to date a guy who would blatantly stare at other women when I was talking to him and, it hurt my feelings. I was labeled as insecure, which hurt my feelings even more. It hurt my feelings because he wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying and he was going out of his way to make feel second. As women, we are expected to go with the flow and when we don’t, we are labeled all kinds of names- which is not fair. Obviously, I wasn’t expecting him to stop looking at other attractive women completely; however, being in a committed relationship requires presence. Now that I’m older, I expect respect. Respectful people listen and look at the other person when someone is talking to them because we all want to feel and be heard.

4. Dating many people at once.

I’ve never really been a dater. However, one thing that I know for sure is that I am only interested in giving people my time who know that my time is irreplaceable. We all have different approaches of dating and being in relationships but I see so many women being okay with the fact that the person they are seeing is seeing someone else too just so that they can have someone else’s company. Which leads to them losing themselves. They are willing to say anything to a potential romantic partner to have them stick around. The truth is that, when you settle, you only devalue yourself and it’s harder to get back up after everything is done and you know that you settled for a person or circumstance that wasn’t worth it, just so that you wouldn’t be alone. If you are running away from yourself, chances are that you need to face yourself. Take yourself out, get to know yourself and learn to love yourself. Because before you know it, you’ll regret not having done that and the relationship we have with ourselves is number 1.

3 reasons why you keep experiencing heartbreak

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Heartbreak sucks. And, it’s easy to get stuck in the monotony of life after each time it happens. However, getting stuck in this mode can set you back for life because the course of our romantic relationships can affect our mental and physical wellbeing.

If you have found yourself stuck after each heartbreak and not learning from each experience, this could be why:

1. You need to be single right now.

Iyanla Vanzant says, ‘If you can’t be with you, how can anyone be with you?’

Meaning, if you are not able to deal with yourself and all your problems, how can you expect someone else to? Unlike other people, if we don’t like ourselves, we can’t just leave. Time alone can empower you and help you grow, use it wisely!

2. You’re not connected.

Connection to The Higher Consciousness is important so that you understand the ability to surrender your pain, suffering and problems to the divine. Whether you call it God, Allah, The Universe, Jehovah or The Divine, knowing that there is something greater than you that wants the best for you helps you release and trust in the fact that you are being taken care of and then, you begin to understand that things like heartbreak happen for a reason.

3. You need boundaries.

I would love to walk around saying yes to everyone but it’s not possible. We are human and as much as there are kind and loving humans, there are humans who who are unkind and mean. If you do not have clear boundaries, people will walk all over you. Like my mom used to tell me growing up, ‘Every doormat says Welcome’. There is only so much that we can blame the person who has mis-treated us if we allowed them to do so in the first place.

10 inspiring quotes about love.

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It’s not easy but I think it’s important to us to choose love because love is the most powerful force in the world. And, by love, I don’t mean puppy love: I mean unconditional love, forgiving love, tough love and true love.

Here are 10 quotes to emphasize this:

1. ‘Now, more than ever, it is important to choose love. ’- Dr. Deepak’s Chopra

2. ‘Have enough courage to trust love one more time, always and forever.’-Maya Angelou

3. ‘Love takes of masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.’- James Baldwin

4. ‘The chance to live and be loved exists no matter where you are.’- Oprah Winfrey

5. ‘Fundamentally, love means to go beyond likes and dislikes.’- Sadhguru

6. ‘Eventually, you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.’- Gary Zukhav

7. ‘Reason is powerless in the expression of love.’- Rumi

8. ‘Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go.’ -Maya Angelou

9. ‘You can only give away what you have inside of you, become an instrument of love.’ Dr. Wayne Dyer

10. ‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." – Lao Tzu

Lo que aprendí al ver mi enamoramiento con otra mujer.

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Decepción. Trastornado. Humillación. Desesperación. Enfado. Confusión. Estas son las 6 emociones que seguían circulando por mi cuerpo cuando vi a la persona que estaba enamorada de ligar y amar a otra persona.

Verá, hasta ese momento, había recibido tantas señales de que ESTE y yo estábamos destinados a ser. Casi se sintió como una colaboración cósmica. Sentí que el Universo me enviaba señales: cuando nos reunimos hubo un intercambio de energía sincero y profundo, y algunos lectores psíquicos se habían referido (a quien yo creía) a este hombre como alguien con quien posiblemente podría tener un futuro. (Hay más detalles que elijo omitir para la privacidad de esta persona).

Entonces, cuando surgieron estas emociones, mi cuento de hadas se perdió. El futuro que había construido entre él y yo en mi cabeza, se hizo añicos. Mi alegría se convirtió en amargura, mi sonrisa se convirtió en desagrado, mi apertura se cerró, mi sinceridad se convirtió en duda y cuando sentí que el cuchillo atravesaba mi corazón, me sentí como un idiota por creer. Mi diálogo interno comenzó con la cantidad de mujeres con las que he oído que ha estado y me pregunté cómo pensé que sería diferente a la forma en que generalmente trata a las mujeres.

Pasé unos 20-30 minutos sintiéndome derrotado y luego me hice una simple pregunta: ¿quién es él para mí? Lo que me llevó a otra pregunta: ¿por qué tiene tanto poder sobre mí?

Las dos respuestas que mi intuición me dio fueron que él es un extraño y si pudiera darle a un extraño ese poder, tengo trabajo que hacer conmigo mismo. Podría pasarme la vida culpándolo o perdonándome a mí mismo, perdonarlo y seguir con mi vida.

No tengo que responder cómo solía hacerlo cuando era un niño; Puedo romper esa cadena y encarnar realmente lo que significa ser un adulto. Los adultos se elevan por encima; no se quedan revolcándose en sus emociones, culpando a la otra persona y manteniéndose en modo receptivo.

Esta situación también me devolvió a una pregunta que sigue llegando a mi cabeza: ¿soy suficiente? Primero respondí, 'SÍ' por enojo hacia él, pero seguí haciendo la misma pregunta y la respuesta se hizo más suave a medida que respondía. Aún sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Soy suficiente y siempre he sido suficiente!

Sentí una profunda aceptación de mí mismo y un conocimiento de que soy suficiente. Este conocimiento es algo que nadie puede quitarme de encima. Este conocimiento cuesta más que el dinero y no puede ser reemplazado por otra cosa que no sea verdaderamente encarnarlo y creerlo porque es verdad.

Él ha cumplido su propósito en mi vida y cuando lo veo o veo / escucho algo de su trabajo, estoy agradecido por el viaje que me llevó de regreso a algo que nadie puede quitarme.

What I learnt from seeing my crush with another woman.

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Disappointment. Upset. Humiliation. Despair. Anger. Confusion. These are the 6 emotions that kept circling through my body as I saw the person that I have a crush on flirt and love up with someone else.

You see, up until that point, I had received so many signs that THIS guy and I were meant to be. It almost felt like a cosmic collaboration. I felt like The Universe was sending me signs: when we met there was a deep and sincere energy exchange and a few psychic readers had all referenced (who I thought to be) this man as someone who I could possibly have a future with. (There are more details that I am choosing to leave out for this person’s privacy.)

So, as these emotions came up, my fairytale was lost. The future that I had built between him and I in my head, became shattered. My joy turned into bitterness, my smile turned into displeasure, my openness became closed off, my sincerity turned into doubt and as I felt the knife cut through my heart, I felt like an idiot for ever believing. My inner dialogue began of how many women I have heard that he has been with and I wondered how I thought that i would be any different to how he usually treats women.

I spent about 20-30 minutes feeling defeated and then I asked myself a simple question: Who is he to me? Which led me to another question: Why does he have so much power over me?

The two answers that my intuition gave me were that he is a stranger and if I could give a stranger that much power, I have work to do on myself. I could spend my life blaming him or forgive myself, forgive him and move on with my life.

I don’t have to respond how I used to when I was a kid; I can break that chain and truly embody what it means to be an adult. Adults rise above; they don’t stay wallowing in their emotions, blaming the other person and stay in responsive mode.

This situation also brought me back to a question that keeps finding its way into my head: Am I enough? I first replied, ‘YES’ out of anger towards him but kept asking the same question with the answer becoming more soft as I answered it. Still Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I am enough and have always been enough!

I had a feeling of deep acceptance of myself and a knowing that I am enough. This knowing is something that no one can take that away from me. This knowing costs more than money and is not able to be replaced by anything other than truly embodying and believing it because it is true.

He has served his purpose in my life and when I see him or see/hear some of his work, I am grateful for the journey that led me back to something that no one can take away from me.

6 things that I learnt from taking back my ex.

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When I got back together with a romantic partner I'd broken up with, I felt a lot of judgement from people around me. They asked me why I would do such a thing when there are so many fish in the sea.

The truth is that there's no real reason I got back together with him. I could ask myself why I did it, and I could label myself or try to turn back the clock. But it happened, and I believe that there was a reason.

Our relationship eventually fell apart, but I learned a lot from it, and for that I am grateful.

Here are six lessons that taking my ex back taught me:

1. Love is not enough.

Don't get me wrong, love is magnificent. Love can make amazing things happen. Love is the foundation of a healthy relationship. However, if your future, happiness or health are at stake, it's not enough. When a relationship is going through a difficult time, love by itself won't keep the relationship intact. Respect and considerate behavior also do.

2. When someone says that they understand you, they will try their best not to make you cry.

We often say that the person we love understands us like no one else does. If your partner really understands you, they have no reason to make you feel badly about yourself. People who understand you are aware of how they can impact your life, and for that reason won't intentionally bring pain and agony upon you.

3. Just because you miss something doesn't mean it's good for you.

We all have that feeling of emptiness when we decide to eliminate something (or someone) from our lives. That doesn't mean that what we let go of was healthy for us. We're creatures of habit, so it only makes sense that we will miss something that we've become used to. Missing someone isn't an indicator of whether you should give someone a second chance; how they treat you is.

4. Everything in life changes and evolves, including people and relationships.

I'm a sucker for nostalgia, and I often find myself getting stuck in the past and wanting things to be the way they used to be. The truth is that things will never be how they once were. It isn't possible to recreate the past in the present. Things change, and in that process, people grow together or they grow apart. The energy spent forcing things to be how they used to be can be spent on more significant and progressive aspects of your life.

5. All of your friends and family can't all be wrong about one person.

Sometimes our desire for things to go our way distorts the truth. Your family and friends have your best interests at heart. If they all disapprove of your relationship, that's a red flag. It might be phrased through judgement and command, but their concern is something to listen to. They want you to be loved the way you deserve to be loved.

6. Someone's love is not owed to you by the amount of time you've invested in your relationship.

You may have given many years and invested a lot of time into a relationship, but that doesn't mean that you're owed someone's love. Mutual love is easy. Sometimes it requires work, but constant work is exhausting. A relationship shouldn't be a burden; it's a beautiful blessing that two people want to give to one another.

There is something so beautiful about you.

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There is something beautiful about you

And it makes me want to hide

You see, before there was ever a ‘you’

I had a lot of pride.

I promised myself that next time jealousy would not take over me

So when it arises, I run

And when I run, I leave you behind

I see you. I see you trying to pull me in.

But I don’t know what you are pulling me in to.

A healthy relationship or a game?

It’s hard to tell because I am not good at winning.

I’m used to giving my all and having it being taken from me.

Right under my feet.

I’m used to crying next to a bottle of wine

and wondering how any of it could’ve been.

So, I find myself questioning if this is different?

Could you be the one that they say you are?

It could all make sense until one day...

It doesn’t.

I’ve felt the jealousy, anger, betrayal, rage, passion and good sex.

Show me how we can rise above this time

So that you don’t become just another ex.

Show me that they were right about you.

And, that it was always meant to be you.

Because on my end I have no idea what to do.

Maybe I’ll keep running every time that we make eye contact, out of fear.

Or, maybe one day, I will pull you near.

Ce que j'aurais aimé savoir avant ma première rupture

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Lors de ma première rupture, je me rappelle avoir eu l'impression d'avoir échoué. Se sentir confus par le fait que j'aimais tellement quelqu'un, mais que rien de bon n'était sorti de nous ensemble pendant un moment. Je me sentais épuisé par le drame et le chagrin.

Je ne pense pas que j'aurais résisté au changement inévitable si j'avais entendu ce qui suit avant ma première rupture:

1. Vous serez OK.

Au milieu de chagrin d'amour, il est très facile de penser que la vie sans la personne que vous aimez ne vaut pas la peine d'être vécue, mais c'est complètement faux. Vous étiez en vie avant de rencontrer cette personne et vous serez en vie après que cette personne ait quitté votre vie. Parfois, les émotions que l'amour peut vous faire passer semblent écrasantes, mais elles passent et un jour elles seront un souvenir.

2. Il y a trop de personnes en vie pour être coincées avec quelqu'un qui n'est pas sur la même page.

Une fois que vous avez donné à quelqu'un beaucoup d'efforts et d'amour, il semble difficile de s'en aller. On pourrait avoir l'impression que tout ce temps était un gaspillage. Cependant, ce qui est un véritable gaspillage est de donner à quelqu'un votre amour et vos efforts qui ne le veulent pas. Il y a quelqu'un, parmi des milliards de personnes en vie, qui veut et qui acceptera votre amour.

3. Si cela est censé être, ce sera.

Forcer les choses à travailler ne les rendra pas. Combattre et nier la vérité autour de vous ne vous épuise et vous laisse déçu. Vous serez plus content si vous acceptez des choses pour ce qu'elles sont. Travailler contre les forces de la réalité ne vous aidera pas à réaliser quelque chose de progressif.

4. L'autre personne a aussi son mot à dire.

Deux personnes forment une relation, pas une! Si votre partenaire veut sortir, il veut sortir. Vous ne pouvez pas changer sa décision. Parfois, cela peut nuire à votre ego quand quelqu'un décide de partir ou de rompre avec vous, mais il y a tellement de fois que vous pouvez convaincre quelqu'un d'aimer sans que vous ayez l'air fou.

5. "Derrière le rejet est la protection de Dieu."

C'est l'un de mes dictons préférés car c'est tellement vrai! Le plus tôt quelqu'un vous dit que vous n'êtes pas ce qu'il veut, plus vite vous pouvez aller de l'avant et trouver quelqu'un qui vous dira que vous êtes.

6. Le drame ne dure que tant que vous le permettez.

Oui, les ruptures peuvent être désordonnées et dramatiques, mais seulement si vous leur permettez d'être ainsi. Vous êtes le seul à pouvoir laisser le petit drame derrière vous si vous voulez le laisser derrière vous. Si vous voulez le drame, restez-y! Si vous ne le faites pas, laissez tomber! Cela peut sembler difficile à laisser aller, mais ce qui est plus difficile, c'est de se laisser abattre par des drames inutiles qui ne mènent à rien de positif.

What I wish I knew before my first break-up

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During my first breakup, I remember feeling like I'd failed. Feeling confused by the fact that I loved someone so much but nothing good had come out of us being together for a while. I felt exhausted by drama and heartache.

I don't think I would have resisted the change that was inevitable if I had heard the following before my first breakup:

1. You'll be OK.

In the midst of heartache, it is very easy to think that life without the person you love is not worth living but that is completely untrue. You were alive before you met that person, and you'll be alive after that person leaves your life. Sometimes the emotions that love can put you through seem overwhelming, but they do pass, and one day they'll be a memory.

2. There are too many people alive to be stuck with someone that isn't on the same page.

Once you've given someone a lot of effort and love, it seems hard to walk away. It may feel like all of that time was all a waste. However, what is a true waste is giving someone your love and effort that doesn't want it. There's someone, out of billions of people alive, who wants and who will accept your love.

3. If it's meant to be, it will be.

Forcing things to work won't make them. Fighting and denying the truth around you only exhausts you and leaves you feeling disappointed. You'll be more content if you accept things for what they are. Working against the forces of reality won't help you achieve anything progressive.

4. The other person has a say too.

Two people make up a relationship, not one! If your partner wants out, he wants out. You can't change his decision. Sometimes it may hurt your ego when someone decides to leave or break up with you, but there are only so many times you can convince someone to love without you looking crazy.

5. "Behind rejection is God's protection."

This is one of my favorite sayings because it is so true! The sooner someone tells you that you aren't what he wants, the quicker you can move on and find someone who will tell you that you are.

6. The drama only goes on for as long as you allow it to go on.

Yes, breakups can be messy and dramatic, but only if you allow them to be that way. You're the only one who can leave the petty drama behind if you want to leave it behind. If you want the drama, stay in it! If you don't, let it go! It may seem hard to let it go, but what's harder is being run down by unnecessary drama that doesn't lead to anything positive.

5 cosas que le diría a todos mis Exes

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Cada vez que escucho una canción que solía escuchar cuando estaba en una relación, me lleva de vuelta. Y, a veces, la emoción me abruma. Muchas veces, me encuentro con ganas de llegar sabiendo que no es una buena idea. Entonces, en lugar de tender la mano, canalicé toda mi energía en este artículo. Poniendo mis pensamientos al papel y esperando nada a cambio. Esto es lo que le diría a todos mis ex novios:

1. Te amo

Sí todavía te quiero. El amor ha estado y siempre estará allí, se acaba de transformar. Si no fuéramos o estuviéramos destinados a serlo, es irrelevante para mí porque tuvimos nuestro tiempo. Aunque las relaciones no son eternas; amor es. Acepto nuestro espacio y siempre tendremos amor por ti.

2. Nadie ganó o perdió.

Pasé tanto tiempo enojado contigo y queriendo contarte uno sobre ti, solo para darme cuenta de que estaba perdiendo. Cuando no estamos en nuestro mejor momento, estamos perdiendo. El hecho de que hayamos decidido no estar juntos, no significa que una persona haya ganado o perdido, simplemente significa que ya era

tiempo.

3. Te deseo la vida más feliz que puedas tener.

Experimenté una serie de emociones contigo: de la tristeza a la felicidad y la alegría a la ira. Pero finalmente, estoy agradecido de poder haberlo hecho alguna vez. La mejor parte de mí reconoce la mejor parte de ti y la peor parte de mí envía la peor parte de tu amor. Eres luz y amor. Y, espero que estés viviendo en tu luz.

4. Lo siento.

Puedo ser muchas cosas, pero perfecto no es una de ellas. Mirando hacia atrás, me podría haber comportado mejor en muchas circunstancias y ahora que lo sé mejor, (con suerte) lo haré mejor. Lamento haber sido cruel, desconfiado, ruin y rencoroso por los tiempos que fui.

5. Estás perdonado.

Juré que nunca te diría estas palabras, pero el perdón es más para mí de lo que es para ti. Al igual que Nelson Mandela, dijo: "La falta de perdón es como beber veneno y esperar que la otra persona muera". Al no perdonarte, estaba bebiendo el veneno. Aprendí que si quiero progresar en la vida, no puedo seguir reviviendo el pasado y culpándote. Entonces, te perdono.

5 things that I wish I could tell all of my Ex’s.

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Whenever I hear a song that I used to listen to when I was in a relationship, it takes me right back. And, sometimes the emotion overwhelms me. Often times, I find myself wanting to reach out knowing that it is not a good idea. So, instead of reaching out, I channeled all my energy into this article.

Putting my thoughts to paper and expecting nothing in return.

This is what I would tell all of my ex-boyfriends:

1. I love you.

Yes, I still love you. The love has and will always be there, it has just transformed. If we weren’t or were meant to be, is irrelevant to me because we had our time. Although relationships are not eternal; love is. I accept our space and will always have love for you.

2. No one won or lost.

I spent so much time being angry at you and wanting to have one up on you, only to figure out that I was losing. Whenever we aren’t at our prime, we are losing. Just because we have decided not to be together, doesn’t mean that one person won or lost, it just means that it was time.

3. I wish you the happiest life you could ever have.

I experienced an array of emotions with you: from sadness to happiness and joy to anger. But ultimately, I am grateful that I ever could.

The best part of me acknowledges the best part of you and the worst part of me sends the worst part of you love. You are light and love. And, I hope you are living in your light.

4. I am sorry.
I may be many things but perfect is not one of them. Looking back, I could’ve behaved better in many circumstances and now that I know better, I (hopefully) will do better. I’m sorry for being unkind, untrusting, mean and spiteful for the times that I was.

5. You are forgiven.
I swore that I would never say these words to you but forgiveness is more for me than it is for you. Like Nelson Mandela said, ‘Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die’. By not forgiving you, I was drinking the poison. I learnt that if I want to progress in life, I cannot keep reliving the past and blaming you. So, I forgive you.