4 questions to ask yourself before you get romantically serious with someone.

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The partner that we choose to be with can have an effect on our daily lives: mentally, physically and spiritually. A lot of the times we think that we are just randomly going on a date with someone and then all of a sudden, things get serious without us having a say in why or how it happened.

I am a firm-believer in living  with intent, that includes romantically too.

Here are 4 questions that you must ask yourself before having a serious relationship with someone:

1. Am I ready?
I don’t mean ready like ‘I have everything together’ ready. I mean ready like, ‘Am I able to give my all, emotionally, to someone without purposefully hurting or projecting onto them?’ It’s a question that a lot of people don’t ask themselves but it is necessary. We underestimate the power of what a relationship can do for you. It can either set you up for your best life or be the reason why you are living your worst life. Asking yourself if you are ready allows you to be realistic with yourself so that you are aware of what you can handle in a relationship and if you are ready to handle it.

2. What are my intentions entering this?

Whether we realize it or not, we all have intentions when we start something. It might be subconsciously or consciously but our intentions often determine how we will act or behave in a relationship. For example, if you go into a relationship only wanting to have sex, you might spend most of your time having sex and then when the sex becomes boring, you are bored with the person or you fight with them because the fundamentals of a relationship were never there to begin with. This can be applied to a lot of things other than sex. Make sure that you ask yourself your intentions in a relationship so that you are clear on what you want from it and what you will give to it.

3. Have I grown since my last relationship?

About 6 years ago, I had one of the biggest epiphanies of my life. I realized that I was the common problem between all of my relationships. I had had three long-term relationships and continued to blame my exes for a lot that went wrong in my life until I realized that I was attracting the same man, who resembled my father, and that until I broke myself of this subconscious behaviour, I would continue to suffer. I decided to be single for the first time in years and focus on myself; it wasn’t easy. I spent time getting to know myself and loving myself so that I didn’t have to continue the cycle of men coming in-and-out of my life, leaving me empty and me allowing it to be that way because I didn’t know how to fill myself up. I learnt how to be there for myself so that, if another relationship didn’t work out, I wouldn’t have to take 10 steps back with a box of Kleenex and a glass of wine in my hand. I could take one step back to observe and then 3 steps forward with forgiveness, faith and hope for the future.

4. Am I able to trust?

Honestly, this is something that I am working on. I come from a history of men who cheated on their girlfriends and wives and later on in my life, my ‘husband-to-be’ cheated on me. It left me guarded and with the inability to trust men and trust myself. Trust men with my heart and trust myself to not go crazy on someone who hurts me. It’s a continuous journey and one that I will continue to work on because trust is necessary in every relationship. If we don’t trust people, they never really have our hearts and how can we know not to trust others if we haven’t given them a chance to be trusted in the first place? Once I trust myself enough to know that I will be okay regardless, it allows me to trust others more because people will be people. There are trustworthy and untrustworthy people, don’t lump them together just because someone did you wrong.

I have hope that you will find true love and respect.

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I have hope that you will find true love and respect. And, when you do, I hope that you treat her better than the way that you have treated me.

I have hope that you think highly enough of her to call her back. I have hope that you will respect her enough to be there for her, not when you want to be; but when she needs you to be.

I have hope that you will be kind enough to her to refrain from leaving her hanging, bothered or upset.

I have hope that you will find it in yourself to show up on time- not on the hour but at the point of consideration.

I have hope that your friends will get along with her and that they will not promote an un-necessary cycle of negativity that leads to her being confused and feeling unwanted.

I have hope that you will choose love over your Ego. I also have hope that you will tell her that you love her when you love her.

I have hope that you will treat her humanely because she, just like you, is human. She cries, she smiles and she remembers- just like you. When you will be upset, so shall she. When you are confused, so shall she be. And when you blame her, she too, shall blame herself.

That is why I have hope that you treat your future-love better than me. I have hope that both of us will be spared of this occurring again. I have hope because you, just like I, deserve love and respect.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect.

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I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He will be in the form of someone considerate. Someone who understands me. When he will be in my life, I will feel exactly how I feel now: full of joy and contention.

I will feel happy and not feel the need to conform because he will accept me the way that I accept myself. He will not demean me or fear communicating with me. Everything will come naturally. And, naturally we will live life. Not bound to papers that enforce commitment, but bound to the respect that is sincere for one another.

He will not allow anyone to mistreat me and be okay with it. Furthermore, he will not be the reason that I am ever hurt. We will have our issues, as we are people after all. However, when we do, we will come out stronger and full of victory that will be worn through our joy and love for one another.

I accept that I have not met this man because when I do, I will know. He will have no reason to continuously fight me or go out of his way to throw harmful words at me. He will have no reason to treat me any other way than human.

He will have no reason to leave me hanging, crying and he would be heartbroken at the thought that he could ever harm me. Because when he holds me in his arms, he will be reminded that he has done something good in his life. He will always find a way for me to want him in my life. 

4 things that I have accepted not being okay with as a woman.

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Although I do not 100% support the ‘Me too’ movement, I am a firm-believer in change. Change that was very much needed. Whether it affects your life or not, it is clear that women do not have the same privileges  as a man does because, in general, we get paid less, we are expected to look a certain way and our bodies never really belong to us. Our bodies are criticized, ogled over and stared at whether we like it or not.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a woman; however, we have to deal with some injustices that men do not have to. And, that can translate into our relationships.

Here are 4 things that I have learnt that I don’t have to be okay with, as a woman:

1. Being played games with.

I’m not sure where this idea developed that the man that plays games with us is the one that wants us the most. Because, in games, there is always a loser. The reason why healthy relationships do not start off with game-playing is because healthy relationships require both people to be equal. We all want to be included. So this idea of ‘If I really like someone, I don’t show them’ is something that destructs a relationship because you haven’t given the other person a chance before it has even started. Being in a relationship requires honesty, trust, vulnerability and love. None of those come from playing games with the other.

2. Being disappeared on.

This could fall into ‘the games’ section; however, I think it deserves it’s own paragraph. When I was younger, I thought it was okay for someone that I was seeing to come in &out of my life as they please. However, now I know better. When we allow people to come and go as they please, every time that they leave, they take a part of us with them which is not fair to us. Yes, unconditional love is beautiful but sometimes the best kind of love is saying no. No, I won’t let you talk to me like that. No, you cannot come and go as you please. And no, I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Ultimately, you are allowed to have boundaries in a relationship because boundaries mean that you are loving yourself and you are more able to love your partner when you have started with yourself. 

3. Staring at someone else (who is attractive)in front of my presence.

A glance and a stare are two different things. I used to date a guy who would blatantly stare at other women when I was talking to him and, it hurt my feelings. I was labeled as insecure, which hurt my feelings even more. It hurt my feelings because he wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying and he was going out of his way to make feel second. As women, we are expected to go with the flow and when we don’t, we are labeled all kinds of names- which is not fair. Obviously, I wasn’t expecting him to stop looking at other attractive women completely; however, being in a committed relationship requires presence. Now that I’m older, I expect respect. Respectful people listen and look at the other person when someone is talking to them because we all want to feel and be heard.

4. Dating many people at once.

I’ve never really been a dater. However, one thing that I know for sure is that I am only interested in giving people my time who know that my time is irreplaceable. We all have different approaches of dating and being in relationships but I see so many women being okay with the fact that the person they are seeing is seeing someone else too just so that they can have someone else’s company. Which leads to them losing themselves. They are willing to say anything to a potential romantic partner to have them stick around. The truth is that, when you settle, you only devalue yourself and it’s harder to get back up after everything is done and you know that you settled for a person or circumstance that wasn’t worth it, just so that you wouldn’t be alone. If you are running away from yourself, chances are that you need to face yourself. Take yourself out, get to know yourself and learn to love yourself. Because before you know it, you’ll regret not having done that and the relationship we have with ourselves is number 1.

3 reasons why you keep experiencing heartbreak

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Heartbreak sucks. And, it’s easy to get stuck in the monotony of life after each time it happens. However, getting stuck in this mode can set you back for life because the course of our romantic relationships can affect our mental and physical wellbeing.

If you have found yourself stuck after each heartbreak and not learning from each experience, this could be why:

1. You need to be single right now.

Iyanla Vanzant says, ‘If you can’t be with you, how can anyone be with you?’

Meaning, if you are not able to deal with yourself and all your problems, how can you expect someone else to? Unlike other people, if we don’t like ourselves, we can’t just leave. Time alone can empower you and help you grow, use it wisely!

2. You’re not connected.

Connection to The Higher Consciousness is important so that you understand the ability to surrender your pain, suffering and problems to the divine. Whether you call it God, Allah, The Universe, Jehovah or The Divine, knowing that there is something greater than you that wants the best for you helps you release and trust in the fact that you are being taken care of and then, you begin to understand that things like heartbreak happen for a reason.

3. You need boundaries.

I would love to walk around saying yes to everyone but it’s not possible. We are human and as much as there are kind and loving humans, there are humans who who are unkind and mean. If you do not have clear boundaries, people will walk all over you. Like my mom used to tell me growing up, ‘Every doormat says Welcome’. There is only so much that we can blame the person who has mis-treated us if we allowed them to do so in the first place.

10 inspiring quotes about love.

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It’s not easy but I think it’s important to us to choose love because love is the most powerful force in the world. And, by love, I don’t mean puppy love: I mean unconditional love, forgiving love, tough love and true love.

Here are 10 quotes to emphasize this:

1. ‘Now, more than ever, it is important to choose love. ’- Dr. Deepak’s Chopra

2. ‘Have enough courage to trust love one more time, always and forever.’-Maya Angelou

3. ‘Love takes of masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.’- James Baldwin

4. ‘The chance to live and be loved exists no matter where you are.’- Oprah Winfrey

5. ‘Fundamentally, love means to go beyond likes and dislikes.’- Sadhguru

6. ‘Eventually, you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.’- Gary Zukhav

7. ‘Reason is powerless in the expression of love.’- Rumi

8. ‘Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go.’ -Maya Angelou

9. ‘You can only give away what you have inside of you, become an instrument of love.’ Dr. Wayne Dyer

10. ‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." – Lao Tzu

Lo que aprendí al ver mi enamoramiento con otra mujer.

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Decepción. Trastornado. Humillación. Desesperación. Enfado. Confusión. Estas son las 6 emociones que seguían circulando por mi cuerpo cuando vi a la persona que estaba enamorada de ligar y amar a otra persona.

Verá, hasta ese momento, había recibido tantas señales de que ESTE y yo estábamos destinados a ser. Casi se sintió como una colaboración cósmica. Sentí que el Universo me enviaba señales: cuando nos reunimos hubo un intercambio de energía sincero y profundo, y algunos lectores psíquicos se habían referido (a quien yo creía) a este hombre como alguien con quien posiblemente podría tener un futuro. (Hay más detalles que elijo omitir para la privacidad de esta persona).

Entonces, cuando surgieron estas emociones, mi cuento de hadas se perdió. El futuro que había construido entre él y yo en mi cabeza, se hizo añicos. Mi alegría se convirtió en amargura, mi sonrisa se convirtió en desagrado, mi apertura se cerró, mi sinceridad se convirtió en duda y cuando sentí que el cuchillo atravesaba mi corazón, me sentí como un idiota por creer. Mi diálogo interno comenzó con la cantidad de mujeres con las que he oído que ha estado y me pregunté cómo pensé que sería diferente a la forma en que generalmente trata a las mujeres.

Pasé unos 20-30 minutos sintiéndome derrotado y luego me hice una simple pregunta: ¿quién es él para mí? Lo que me llevó a otra pregunta: ¿por qué tiene tanto poder sobre mí?

Las dos respuestas que mi intuición me dio fueron que él es un extraño y si pudiera darle a un extraño ese poder, tengo trabajo que hacer conmigo mismo. Podría pasarme la vida culpándolo o perdonándome a mí mismo, perdonarlo y seguir con mi vida.

No tengo que responder cómo solía hacerlo cuando era un niño; Puedo romper esa cadena y encarnar realmente lo que significa ser un adulto. Los adultos se elevan por encima; no se quedan revolcándose en sus emociones, culpando a la otra persona y manteniéndose en modo receptivo.

Esta situación también me devolvió a una pregunta que sigue llegando a mi cabeza: ¿soy suficiente? Primero respondí, 'SÍ' por enojo hacia él, pero seguí haciendo la misma pregunta y la respuesta se hizo más suave a medida que respondía. Aún sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Soy suficiente y siempre he sido suficiente!

Sentí una profunda aceptación de mí mismo y un conocimiento de que soy suficiente. Este conocimiento es algo que nadie puede quitarme de encima. Este conocimiento cuesta más que el dinero y no puede ser reemplazado por otra cosa que no sea verdaderamente encarnarlo y creerlo porque es verdad.

Él ha cumplido su propósito en mi vida y cuando lo veo o veo / escucho algo de su trabajo, estoy agradecido por el viaje que me llevó de regreso a algo que nadie puede quitarme.

What I learnt from seeing my crush with another woman.

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Disappointment. Upset. Humiliation. Despair. Anger. Confusion. These are the 6 emotions that kept circling through my body as I saw the person that I have a crush on flirt and love up with someone else.

You see, up until that point, I had received so many signs that THIS guy and I were meant to be. It almost felt like a cosmic collaboration. I felt like The Universe was sending me signs: when we met there was a deep and sincere energy exchange and a few psychic readers had all referenced (who I thought to be) this man as someone who I could possibly have a future with. (There are more details that I am choosing to leave out for this person’s privacy.)

So, as these emotions came up, my fairytale was lost. The future that I had built between him and I in my head, became shattered. My joy turned into bitterness, my smile turned into displeasure, my openness became closed off, my sincerity turned into doubt and as I felt the knife cut through my heart, I felt like an idiot for ever believing. My inner dialogue began of how many women I have heard that he has been with and I wondered how I thought that i would be any different to how he usually treats women.

I spent about 20-30 minutes feeling defeated and then I asked myself a simple question: Who is he to me? Which led me to another question: Why does he have so much power over me?

The two answers that my intuition gave me were that he is a stranger and if I could give a stranger that much power, I have work to do on myself. I could spend my life blaming him or forgive myself, forgive him and move on with my life.

I don’t have to respond how I used to when I was a kid; I can break that chain and truly embody what it means to be an adult. Adults rise above; they don’t stay wallowing in their emotions, blaming the other person and stay in responsive mode.

This situation also brought me back to a question that keeps finding its way into my head: Am I enough? I first replied, ‘YES’ out of anger towards him but kept asking the same question with the answer becoming more soft as I answered it. Still Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I am enough and have always been enough!

I had a feeling of deep acceptance of myself and a knowing that I am enough. This knowing is something that no one can take that away from me. This knowing costs more than money and is not able to be replaced by anything other than truly embodying and believing it because it is true.

He has served his purpose in my life and when I see him or see/hear some of his work, I am grateful for the journey that led me back to something that no one can take away from me.

6 things that I learnt from taking back my ex.

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When I got back together with a romantic partner I'd broken up with, I felt a lot of judgement from people around me. They asked me why I would do such a thing when there are so many fish in the sea.

The truth is that there's no real reason I got back together with him. I could ask myself why I did it, and I could label myself or try to turn back the clock. But it happened, and I believe that there was a reason.

Our relationship eventually fell apart, but I learned a lot from it, and for that I am grateful.

Here are six lessons that taking my ex back taught me:

1. Love is not enough.

Don't get me wrong, love is magnificent. Love can make amazing things happen. Love is the foundation of a healthy relationship. However, if your future, happiness or health are at stake, it's not enough. When a relationship is going through a difficult time, love by itself won't keep the relationship intact. Respect and considerate behavior also do.

2. When someone says that they understand you, they will try their best not to make you cry.

We often say that the person we love understands us like no one else does. If your partner really understands you, they have no reason to make you feel badly about yourself. People who understand you are aware of how they can impact your life, and for that reason won't intentionally bring pain and agony upon you.

3. Just because you miss something doesn't mean it's good for you.

We all have that feeling of emptiness when we decide to eliminate something (or someone) from our lives. That doesn't mean that what we let go of was healthy for us. We're creatures of habit, so it only makes sense that we will miss something that we've become used to. Missing someone isn't an indicator of whether you should give someone a second chance; how they treat you is.

4. Everything in life changes and evolves, including people and relationships.

I'm a sucker for nostalgia, and I often find myself getting stuck in the past and wanting things to be the way they used to be. The truth is that things will never be how they once were. It isn't possible to recreate the past in the present. Things change, and in that process, people grow together or they grow apart. The energy spent forcing things to be how they used to be can be spent on more significant and progressive aspects of your life.

5. All of your friends and family can't all be wrong about one person.

Sometimes our desire for things to go our way distorts the truth. Your family and friends have your best interests at heart. If they all disapprove of your relationship, that's a red flag. It might be phrased through judgement and command, but their concern is something to listen to. They want you to be loved the way you deserve to be loved.

6. Someone's love is not owed to you by the amount of time you've invested in your relationship.

You may have given many years and invested a lot of time into a relationship, but that doesn't mean that you're owed someone's love. Mutual love is easy. Sometimes it requires work, but constant work is exhausting. A relationship shouldn't be a burden; it's a beautiful blessing that two people want to give to one another.

There is something so beautiful about you.

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There is something beautiful about you

And it makes me want to hide

You see, before there was ever a ‘you’

I had a lot of pride.

I promised myself that next time jealousy would not take over me

So when it arises, I run

And when I run, I leave you behind

I see you. I see you trying to pull me in.

But I don’t know what you are pulling me in to.

A healthy relationship or a game?

It’s hard to tell because I am not good at winning.

I’m used to giving my all and having it being taken from me.

Right under my feet.

I’m used to crying next to a bottle of wine

and wondering how any of it could’ve been.

So, I find myself questioning if this is different?

Could you be the one that they say you are?

It could all make sense until one day...

It doesn’t.

I’ve felt the jealousy, anger, betrayal, rage, passion and good sex.

Show me how we can rise above this time

So that you don’t become just another ex.

Show me that they were right about you.

And, that it was always meant to be you.

Because on my end I have no idea what to do.

Maybe I’ll keep running every time that we make eye contact, out of fear.

Or, maybe one day, I will pull you near.

Ce que j'aurais aimé savoir avant ma première rupture

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Lors de ma première rupture, je me rappelle avoir eu l'impression d'avoir échoué. Se sentir confus par le fait que j'aimais tellement quelqu'un, mais que rien de bon n'était sorti de nous ensemble pendant un moment. Je me sentais épuisé par le drame et le chagrin.

Je ne pense pas que j'aurais résisté au changement inévitable si j'avais entendu ce qui suit avant ma première rupture:

1. Vous serez OK.

Au milieu de chagrin d'amour, il est très facile de penser que la vie sans la personne que vous aimez ne vaut pas la peine d'être vécue, mais c'est complètement faux. Vous étiez en vie avant de rencontrer cette personne et vous serez en vie après que cette personne ait quitté votre vie. Parfois, les émotions que l'amour peut vous faire passer semblent écrasantes, mais elles passent et un jour elles seront un souvenir.

2. Il y a trop de personnes en vie pour être coincées avec quelqu'un qui n'est pas sur la même page.

Une fois que vous avez donné à quelqu'un beaucoup d'efforts et d'amour, il semble difficile de s'en aller. On pourrait avoir l'impression que tout ce temps était un gaspillage. Cependant, ce qui est un véritable gaspillage est de donner à quelqu'un votre amour et vos efforts qui ne le veulent pas. Il y a quelqu'un, parmi des milliards de personnes en vie, qui veut et qui acceptera votre amour.

3. Si cela est censé être, ce sera.

Forcer les choses à travailler ne les rendra pas. Combattre et nier la vérité autour de vous ne vous épuise et vous laisse déçu. Vous serez plus content si vous acceptez des choses pour ce qu'elles sont. Travailler contre les forces de la réalité ne vous aidera pas à réaliser quelque chose de progressif.

4. L'autre personne a aussi son mot à dire.

Deux personnes forment une relation, pas une! Si votre partenaire veut sortir, il veut sortir. Vous ne pouvez pas changer sa décision. Parfois, cela peut nuire à votre ego quand quelqu'un décide de partir ou de rompre avec vous, mais il y a tellement de fois que vous pouvez convaincre quelqu'un d'aimer sans que vous ayez l'air fou.

5. "Derrière le rejet est la protection de Dieu."

C'est l'un de mes dictons préférés car c'est tellement vrai! Le plus tôt quelqu'un vous dit que vous n'êtes pas ce qu'il veut, plus vite vous pouvez aller de l'avant et trouver quelqu'un qui vous dira que vous êtes.

6. Le drame ne dure que tant que vous le permettez.

Oui, les ruptures peuvent être désordonnées et dramatiques, mais seulement si vous leur permettez d'être ainsi. Vous êtes le seul à pouvoir laisser le petit drame derrière vous si vous voulez le laisser derrière vous. Si vous voulez le drame, restez-y! Si vous ne le faites pas, laissez tomber! Cela peut sembler difficile à laisser aller, mais ce qui est plus difficile, c'est de se laisser abattre par des drames inutiles qui ne mènent à rien de positif.

What I wish I knew before my first break-up

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During my first breakup, I remember feeling like I'd failed. Feeling confused by the fact that I loved someone so much but nothing good had come out of us being together for a while. I felt exhausted by drama and heartache.

I don't think I would have resisted the change that was inevitable if I had heard the following before my first breakup:

1. You'll be OK.

In the midst of heartache, it is very easy to think that life without the person you love is not worth living but that is completely untrue. You were alive before you met that person, and you'll be alive after that person leaves your life. Sometimes the emotions that love can put you through seem overwhelming, but they do pass, and one day they'll be a memory.

2. There are too many people alive to be stuck with someone that isn't on the same page.

Once you've given someone a lot of effort and love, it seems hard to walk away. It may feel like all of that time was all a waste. However, what is a true waste is giving someone your love and effort that doesn't want it. There's someone, out of billions of people alive, who wants and who will accept your love.

3. If it's meant to be, it will be.

Forcing things to work won't make them. Fighting and denying the truth around you only exhausts you and leaves you feeling disappointed. You'll be more content if you accept things for what they are. Working against the forces of reality won't help you achieve anything progressive.

4. The other person has a say too.

Two people make up a relationship, not one! If your partner wants out, he wants out. You can't change his decision. Sometimes it may hurt your ego when someone decides to leave or break up with you, but there are only so many times you can convince someone to love without you looking crazy.

5. "Behind rejection is God's protection."

This is one of my favorite sayings because it is so true! The sooner someone tells you that you aren't what he wants, the quicker you can move on and find someone who will tell you that you are.

6. The drama only goes on for as long as you allow it to go on.

Yes, breakups can be messy and dramatic, but only if you allow them to be that way. You're the only one who can leave the petty drama behind if you want to leave it behind. If you want the drama, stay in it! If you don't, let it go! It may seem hard to let it go, but what's harder is being run down by unnecessary drama that doesn't lead to anything positive.

5 cosas que le diría a todos mis Exes

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Cada vez que escucho una canción que solía escuchar cuando estaba en una relación, me lleva de vuelta. Y, a veces, la emoción me abruma. Muchas veces, me encuentro con ganas de llegar sabiendo que no es una buena idea. Entonces, en lugar de tender la mano, canalicé toda mi energía en este artículo. Poniendo mis pensamientos al papel y esperando nada a cambio. Esto es lo que le diría a todos mis ex novios:

1. Te amo

Sí todavía te quiero. El amor ha estado y siempre estará allí, se acaba de transformar. Si no fuéramos o estuviéramos destinados a serlo, es irrelevante para mí porque tuvimos nuestro tiempo. Aunque las relaciones no son eternas; amor es. Acepto nuestro espacio y siempre tendremos amor por ti.

2. Nadie ganó o perdió.

Pasé tanto tiempo enojado contigo y queriendo contarte uno sobre ti, solo para darme cuenta de que estaba perdiendo. Cuando no estamos en nuestro mejor momento, estamos perdiendo. El hecho de que hayamos decidido no estar juntos, no significa que una persona haya ganado o perdido, simplemente significa que ya era

tiempo.

3. Te deseo la vida más feliz que puedas tener.

Experimenté una serie de emociones contigo: de la tristeza a la felicidad y la alegría a la ira. Pero finalmente, estoy agradecido de poder haberlo hecho alguna vez. La mejor parte de mí reconoce la mejor parte de ti y la peor parte de mí envía la peor parte de tu amor. Eres luz y amor. Y, espero que estés viviendo en tu luz.

4. Lo siento.

Puedo ser muchas cosas, pero perfecto no es una de ellas. Mirando hacia atrás, me podría haber comportado mejor en muchas circunstancias y ahora que lo sé mejor, (con suerte) lo haré mejor. Lamento haber sido cruel, desconfiado, ruin y rencoroso por los tiempos que fui.

5. Estás perdonado.

Juré que nunca te diría estas palabras, pero el perdón es más para mí de lo que es para ti. Al igual que Nelson Mandela, dijo: "La falta de perdón es como beber veneno y esperar que la otra persona muera". Al no perdonarte, estaba bebiendo el veneno. Aprendí que si quiero progresar en la vida, no puedo seguir reviviendo el pasado y culpándote. Entonces, te perdono.

5 things that I wish I could tell all of my Ex’s.

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Whenever I hear a song that I used to listen to when I was in a relationship, it takes me right back. And, sometimes the emotion overwhelms me. Often times, I find myself wanting to reach out knowing that it is not a good idea. So, instead of reaching out, I channeled all my energy into this article.

Putting my thoughts to paper and expecting nothing in return.

This is what I would tell all of my ex-boyfriends:

1. I love you.

Yes, I still love you. The love has and will always be there, it has just transformed. If we weren’t or were meant to be, is irrelevant to me because we had our time. Although relationships are not eternal; love is. I accept our space and will always have love for you.

2. No one won or lost.

I spent so much time being angry at you and wanting to have one up on you, only to figure out that I was losing. Whenever we aren’t at our prime, we are losing. Just because we have decided not to be together, doesn’t mean that one person won or lost, it just means that it was time.

3. I wish you the happiest life you could ever have.

I experienced an array of emotions with you: from sadness to happiness and joy to anger. But ultimately, I am grateful that I ever could.

The best part of me acknowledges the best part of you and the worst part of me sends the worst part of you love. You are light and love. And, I hope you are living in your light.

4. I am sorry.
I may be many things but perfect is not one of them. Looking back, I could’ve behaved better in many circumstances and now that I know better, I (hopefully) will do better. I’m sorry for being unkind, untrusting, mean and spiteful for the times that I was.

5. You are forgiven.
I swore that I would never say these words to you but forgiveness is more for me than it is for you. Like Nelson Mandela said, ‘Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die’. By not forgiving you, I was drinking the poison. I learnt that if I want to progress in life, I cannot keep reliving the past and blaming you. So, I forgive you.

10 reasons why I will choose love, over and over.

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It’s difficult to stay open to love and believe in love but we have to. We have to because love is electricity that we ignited our veins. And, like Maya Angelou says, ‘Have enough courage to trust love one more time always and always.’

These are reason why I will always give love a chance:

1. Because love is fuel.

2. Because love is power.

3. Because love is connection.

4. Because nothing compares to true love.

5. Because love unites us.

6. Because love opens doors.

7. Because although loving can be hurtful, at least we have the memories.

8. Because love is freedom.

9. Because what is life without love?

10. Because love keeps us alive.

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5 things I wish I’d known before my first relationship

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I would describe my first long-term relationship as a mixture of these adjectives: wonderful, powerful, dysfunctional and volatile.

I'm content with how things have turned out in my life but I often wonder how things would've turned out if I knew the following:

1. Just because someone loves you doesn't mean they belong to you.

Your partner was alive before you met him. It doesn't diminish your love to remember and acknowledge that the two of you have separate lives and different accomplishments. Being in love with someone doesn't mean having to spend every single minute with your partner; it means making the most of the time you want to spend together.

2. You can't force your partner to change

Your partner is either who you want him to be, or he isn't. We often lie about who people are or what they tell us because we see what we want the situation to look like, not how it really is. The truth will eventually come out, whether it's on the first date or on your tenth anniversary.

3. Only you can complete yourself.

We're often told that two halves equal a whole. Mathematically that's correct, but in a relationship this rule doesn't apply. Depending on someone else to complete you sets your relationship up for failure because you expect another, imperfect person to make up for your imperfections. Of course, love that's healthy will help you improve yourself; however, there's no need to burden your love with expectations that probably won't be met.

4. Your friends and family remember what you've told them about your relationship.

If you're constantly complaining about your partner to your friends and family, don't be surprised when they aren't rooting for your relationship. They probably want the best for you, and if they only hear what's going wrong, don't be upset with them when they don't support what you've described to them as problematic.

5. "We" and "us" aren't only used for the good times.

We have a tendency to be welcoming to our partners when things are going well in a relationship, but when things aren't going well, we seclude ourselves. Relationships will go through tough times; it's how you deal with them that makes a difference in the overall outcome. Division between the two of you won't provide clarity — communicationwill. Communication only happens when you are willing to involve your partner in a dialogue of what has happened. You will only be able to work through difficulty by facing obstacles together.

Je pourrais être célibataire pendant un certain temps et ce sont les 3 raisons pour lesquelles.

Le mot célibataire me terrifiait. Je sautais de la relation à la relation, évitant de traiter et d'être avec moi-même. Seulement pour découvrir que pour entrer dans une relation, j'ai besoin d'avoir passé du temps avec moi parce que avant que je ne sois quelqu'un d'autre, je dois être à moi.

Donc, si mon partenaire vient pour le voyage, je suis ouvert à cela. Cependant, s'il ne le fait pas, je suis heureux et content d'être seul. C'est pourquoi:

1. J'ai fini de courir après l'amour.

Poursuivre l'amour ou une personne est un travail à temps plein. Dans ma dernière relation, j'ai commencé à voir des signes. J'ai vu des signes qu'il n'était pas mentalement prêt à être dans une relation et j'ai choisi d'ignorer les signes. Je me suis retrouvé à envoyer des SMS et à l'appeler, quand j'ai senti que ce n'était pas réciproque. J'ai chassé l'idée de ce que nous pourrions être et, à travers cela, j'ai appris que si je dois les chasser, ce n'est pas réel. Comme le dit le Cours en Miracles: «Rien de réel ne peut être menacé», et si je dois chasser une personne ou un partenaire pour savoir où ils sont, ce qu'ils font ou avec qui ils sont, alors ce n'est pas pour être.

2. La paix est le pouvoir.

La paix est plus puissante que le bonheur. J'aime penser au début d'une relation comme si vous laissiez quelqu'un dans votre maison paisible. Comment entrent-ils? Sont-ils humbles? Sont-ils gentils? Ou sont-ils irrespectueux et ne tiennent pas compte de vos règles? Si vous laissez quelqu'un dans votre vie et qu'ils ne sont pas pacifiques, ils ne valent pas la peine d'avoir dans votre vie parce que le début est quand les gens montrent leur «meilleur moi». Alors, imaginez quoi d'autre attend le long de la route s'ils ne sont pas respectueux au début? Protège toi! Faites attention à la façon dont quelqu'un entre dans votre vie et ne vous sentez pas obligé de vous engager envers quelqu'un juste parce qu'il est entré. Vous pouvez toujours leur demander de partir!

3. J'ai fini de régler.

Je n'ai aucun manque de respect envers mes ex, mais, à vrai dire, je me suis installé dans toutes les relations que j'ai eues auparavant. Je me suis installé parce que j'étais seul, je me suis installé parce que je voulais m'intégrer, je me suis installé parce que je voulais avoir des enfants et je me suis installé parce que je vieillis. Mais j'ai fini de m'installer! Après ma dernière relation, j'ai fait une promesse à Dieu que, soit j'ai une relation fondée sur le respect, la bonté et l'amour avec un homme qui me rapproche de Dieu, soit je serai célibataire aussi longtemps que cela prendra pour nous. se trouver. Et je suis un fervent partisan de cela. Le règlement ne profite pas à mon partenaire ou à moi parce que les deux personnes dans une relation méritent mieux que de dévaluer leur valeur. Nous méritons tous ce que nous voulons dans une relation.

I might be single for a long time and these are the 3 reasons why.

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The word single used to terrify me. I would jump from relationship to relationship, avoiding dealing and being with myself. Only to find out that in order to enter a relationship, I need to have spent solid time with myself because before I am anybody else’s, I need to be mine.

So, if my partner comes along for the journey, I am open to it. However, if he doesn’t, I am happy and content being alone. This is why:

1. I’m done chasing love.

Chasing love or a person is a full-time job. In my last relationship, I started to see signs. I saw signs that he wasn’t mentally ready to be in a relationship and I chose to ignore the signs. I found myself texting and calling him, when I felt it wasn’t reciprocated. I chased down the idea of what we could be and, through that, I have learnt that if I have to chase them, it isn’t real. Like the Course in Miracles says, ‘Nothing real can be threatened’, and if I have to chase down a person or a partner to find out where they are, what they are doing or who they are with, then it is not meant to be.

2. Peace is power.

Peace is more powerful than happiness. I like to think about the beginning of a relationship as though you are letting someone into your peaceful house. How do they enter? Are they humble? Are they kind? Or, are they disrespectful and disregard your rules? If you let someone into your life and they are not peaceful, they are not worth having in your life because the beginning is when people show their ‘best selves’. So, imagine what else is waiting along the road if they are not respectful in the beginning? Protect yourself! Pay attention to how someone enters your life and don’t feel obliged to commit to someone just because they have entered. You can always ask them to leave!

3. I am done settling.

No disrespect to any of my exes but, truth be told, I have settled in every single relationship that I have had before. I settled because I was lonely, I settled because I wanted to fit in, I settled because I wanted to have kids and I settled because I am getting older. But I am done settling! After my last relationship, I made a promise to God that, either I have a relationship that is founded on respect, kindness and love with a man who brings me closer to God or I will be single for as long as it takes for us to find each other. And, I am a firm-believer in that. Settling doesn’t benefit my partner or me because both people in a relationship deserve better than to devalue their worth. We all deserve what we want in a relationship.

5 quotes to help you through a break-up

It was over. And I had no idea what to do. I had come to the realization that I had been in a relationship with someone I didn't like. And therefore, I had come to dislike myself. Facing the truth was one of the most painful things that I've ever had to do because I had lied to myself for so long about the relationship, about the fact that we had very different understandings of love and respect. But in this darkness, I found light. It came in the form of these five quotes, here they are:

1. "When people show who they are believe them" — Dr. Maya Angelou.

My dear friend, Pearl, told me this when I was confused about whether or not I had asked him to give too much. This quote helped me realize that many of us excuse people's behavior. But if someone hasn't shown up for you in the way you'd hoped they would, they simply haven't shown up for you. Making excuses for them won't help; it will do the opposite. Acknowledging and accepting someone's behavior brings clarity.

2. "Don't take it personally" — Don Miguel Ruiz.

During a break-up, we can get caught up in our thoughts. We can become obsessed with what the other person has done wrong to us, promoting a victim mentality. The truth is that many people have decided to be whoever they are before they consider how it will affect you. Someone who is inconsiderate or disrespectful to you will be disrespectful or inconsiderate to someone else, too. It's part of their character, don't take it personally.

3. "When you hold onto your history you did it at the expense of your history." — T.D Jakes

The day after I decided to leave the relationship, I wanted to leave it differently compared to how I had left previous relationships. I didn't want to dwell. So I started a 30-day yoga challenge of forgiveness. Everyday I forgave him for a reason that he had hurt me. I was actively choosing which beliefs and feelings moved forward with me and which ones I could discard, so that I could become the person I wanted to be.

4. "Peace is power" — Joyce Meyers.

I had spent enough time being angry, frustrated and disappointed, that I could no longer do it anymore. I left a relationship that wasn't serving me and after that, I decided to let go of emotions that weren't serving me, either. I let them go because the only way that I could fully move forward was if I was at peace with myself and the past.

5. "I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter but my flesh gets weak.... I know it's about forgiveness even if you don't love me anymore." — India Arie from 'Heart of the Matter'

I played this song every day for a few months after the break-up. It helped me acknowledge that at some point my former partner will move on. While that might hurt, I also have a life to live, and, I want him to have a life. Holding onto the progression of my former partner's romantic life only brings negative emotions and energy into my life. Forgiveness helps me let go of any competition with him about who finds love first. After all, it is my life. He was just a part of it and fortunately, life goes on.

4 things that I want in a relationship

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I’m definitely happy being single; however, at some point in my life, I would like to be matched with my partner.

It’s been difficult to not allow my difficult past with ex-partners to affect. But, it is important to move forward and choose love. I still believe there is hope for me, despite my past.

This is the kind of relationship that I want:

1. A relationship where peace wins.

Sure, partners fight. However, peace should always win over ego and personality-clashing. A relationship should be a place of love and happiness ; not of war and unhappiness.

2. A relationship built on honesty and trust.

I hear a lot of women say, ‘All men cheat’, ‘men are like dogs’ and, ‘all men are the same’. When I hear these words, a part of me gets angry because every person is different and has different things happen to them. Another thing that I hear some women say is, ‘As long as I don’t find out, he can do whatever he wants’. I’m not going to tell you that you should be in a monogamous and faithful relationship. However, if you have committed to that, then that is how it should remain; unless both parties decide to change things. Trust is not an easy thing to restore because the person whose trust was broken, will always be thinking about what the other person did for the trust to be broken and wondering if it will happen again.

3. A relationship where both people are committed.

I was in a relationship with someone for 5 years who continuously made me feel as though I was alone in the relationship. It’s not a good feeling. A relationship cannot survive if only one person acknowledges it and recognizes it. In order for a relationship to thrive, both people need to be in it or there is no point.

4. A relationship where respect is number first on the priority list.

If there is respect in a relationship, the fundamentals fall into place. There is no need to worry about your partner straying, being cheated on or being abused if you generally feel respected and heard in a relationship. Yes, there are the exceptions. However, if you respect yourself and your partner respects you, you leave little-to-no room for people to take advantage of you and you leave a whole lot of space for trust and love to flourish.