5 questions to ask yourself before you let go of a friendship.

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Recently I made a bold decision: I decided to discontinue two friendships in my life. I couldn't be friends with them any longer because I hadn't felt respected by them for a while. Before I decided to let go of these relationships, I asked myself the following questions:

1. Would you allow a romantic partner to treat you the same way that your friend treats you?

My partner at the time had stood me up once for a date. I was livid. He asked me why I had been so mad when a couple of friends of mine had stood me up, too, and I had been OK with it. He was right. I made a decision to set clear boundaries because it wouldn't be fair to have a different set of rules for people in my life. Respect is respect, regardless of the position that person holds in your life.

2. Is your friend supportive of your work and actions?

When I had previously gone through a lot of drama, my former friend would offer me food or wine to comfort me. However, I started to notice that as I began to accomplish things, her support dissipated. My friend was feeling unfulfilled in her life and, because of this, she was unable to celebrate my accomplishments. Everyone deserves friends who will celebrate their wins, not only support their weaknesses when they are feeling down.

3. Does your friend use your past against you?

Three years ago, I was in an unhealthy relationship. As a result, I did some unhealthy things to myself. One of the friends with whom that I decided to part ways would continuously remind me that I was "a mess" three years ago. She would say it in a judgemental tone. I'm not sure what her intentions were, all I know is that it hurt my feelings. If you've moved beyond your past and your friend hasn't, they are not being helpful in your growth and not helping you forgive yourself.

4. Do you and your friend engage in speaking negatively about others?

My former friend and I used to gossip about other friends, celebrities, and our neighbors. Eventually I found out that she had gossiped about me, too toward the end of our friendship. It hurt, but it wasn't surprising. Ask yourself if you and your friend spend time speaking negatively about other people. If so, remember that there may come a time when they'll gossip about you, too.

5. Do you and your friend give to one another from your hearts or your minds?

When I had mentioned to one of my friends that I wouldn't be spoken to in the manner in which she had spoken to me, she explained that she had done so much for me, which was reason enough for her to speak to me in a way that I found to be disrespectful. Over the years, we had done things for one another, and she had been keeping score. How much someone gives doesn't accumulate into friendship coupons that can be used against someone's feelings. When you give to get, what you give doesn't come from love—it comes from calculation. True friendships are based on love. Love doesn't keep score.

Izinto ezingu-4 engisebenza ngazo okwamanje

izithombe ngezithombe ze-Getty

Ngingumkholwa oqinile wokuthethelela ngoba uma sithethelela, singaphilisa. Futhi, uma siphilisa, singathuthuka. Kwangithatha isikhathi eside ukubona ukuthi kodwa ukuqhubekela phambili kuyisiqondiso engifuna ukuhlala kuso. Ngenkathi ngiqala ukukwenza ukuthethelela, ngacabanga ukuthi yilokho okwenzayo kanye futhi akudingeki uphinde uyenze. Kodwa, ngifunde futhi ngisafunda, ukuthi ukuthethelelwa akupheli. Nsuku zonke kunokuthile okuthethelela. Yilokhu engikusebenzela ekuxoleleni namuhla:

1. Mina ngokwami.

Konke kuqala futhi kuqala ngokwakho. Angikwazi ukuzibuza ukuthethelela abanye uma ngingakaze ngithethelele. Ngithole ukuthethelela kokubili okubuhlungu nokukhulula ngoba kufanele ngivume futhi ngihlale kulokho engikwenzile kimi nakwabanye okwangenza ngifuna ukuthethelela. Kodwa, lo msebenzi uyadingeka. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ngizithethelela ngokubiza amathanga ami amakhulu noma ukukhipha ukukhathazeka kwami  komunye, ukuzithethelela kungisiza ukuba ngiqhubeke.

 2. Ukoloni.

Nakuba ukukoloni kwakunezici ezimbalwa ezinhle, kwakunezinkinga eziningi. Ikakhulukazi evela ezwekazini (i-Afrika) lapho ikholoni inakho, futhi kunjalo, ngokuba nemiphumela emibi emnothweni, kwezolimo kanye nabantu, kuyadambisa. I-Colonization iye yazama ukuhlukumeza ikoloni yenkambiso yabo futhi yaqinisekisa ukuthi iYurophu noma abantu base-European-desccent bangcono kunezinye. Uma ngibheke nxazonke futhi ngibona indlela le ndlela yokucabanga isishiyile ngayo, ingenza ngidabuke. Kodwa, njengoba nje ngishilo ngaphambili, ukuthethelelwa ngokuphathelene nokuqhubekela phambili. Ngiye ngafunda ukuthi ukusola akuxazulula izinkinga. Kuye kwadingeka ngithethelele okhokho bami baseYurophu ngokuxhaphaza nokusebenzisa ama-Afrika ami futhi ngamukele ukuthi lezi zici ezimbili zihlala ngaphakathi kimi. Uma ngiqhubeka ngithukuthele isiko laseYurophu, ngithukuthele ngenye ingxenye futhi ngithukuthele abangane bami abaningi. Ngakho-ke, ngiyikhulula leyo ntukuthelo futhi ngifaka leso sibindi ekuvuseleleni kabusha. Ngizakhele kabusha, Umndeni Wami nezwe. Ukuze ngikhulule ukucindezelwa futhi ngamukele uthando kubo bonke, ngendlela okufanele siyenze ngayo. Ngoba uthando lunikeza amandla futhi lusisiza sikhonyane.

3. Amadoda.

Ngivulekile kakhulu mayelana nobuhlobo enganginabo namadoda empilweni yami. Futhi, nje nje nje, ngithole ukuqonda ukuthi kungani amadoda amaningi engiwabona nxazonke angenalo ukuzimisela ukuxhuma. Isizathu, ngiyakholwa, kungenxa yokuthi silindele amadoda ukuba avikele ukuthi yibo ngempela abagqoke i-macho-mask. Ukushiya abaningi babo ekuphikeleni amandla abo ngokomzwelo. Lokhu ukuqonda kungisize ngithethelele. Muva nje, ngathola ukuthi indoda eyayikhiphe isithakazelo kimi, yayithandana nomunye wesifazane. Ngokwemvelo, ngathukuthele futhi ngavala noma yikuphi okulindelekile kuye. Ngisenkonzweni yokuthethelela ngoba ngiyazi ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe akuhlangene nami futhi ngifuna ukuzikhulula emgodini ukuze abe nami. Ngifanele ukuba nomuntu omuhle futhi angikumi ngendlela yalokhu ngokubamba umuntu ongakwazi ukungiqonda. Ngiqhubeka ngothando nokuthethelela.

4. Abantu abangakalungeli ukwamukela uthando lwami.

Kungithatha cishe impilo yami yonke ukuqonda ukuthi kufanele uthandeke, kufanele wamukele uthando. Ngifinyelele abantu abaningi engangibathande kakhulu futhi ngicabanga ukuthi nginamandla noma nginingi kakhulu, kuphela ukubona ukuthi babengakulungele. Manje, esikhundleni sokushintsha indlela engiyithandayo, ngiya kubantu abalungele ukwamukela uthando ezingeni lami. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngivumela ukuthi ngiyeke kulabo engikunike kakhulu futhi angabuyisanga ngoba ukubala ukuthi nginikele omunye futhi angabuyisanga kuyangikhathaza futhi kungiphatha kuphela. Ngishiya lobudlelwane ngiyazi ukuthi nginikele okungcono kakhulu futhi okwanele.

5 things that I wish I’d known before starting my first business.

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At the age of 27, I decided that I want to grow and broaden my horizons. I decided that I wanted to start my first business. I had worked with/for very talented, successful and accomplished people. I felt like it was time for me to become a part of that category.

I remember telling my friend that if I had known the amount of work that comes into owning a sold-out successful skincare line, I probably would not have done it. It may sound cynical but it was true. The challenges when owning a business can feel overwhelming.

However, if I had known the following, it would’ve changed the ballgame:

1. Boss up!
Nothing in life should ever stop you from doing what you need to, including a person. I have had many partnerships and business ventures and recently, is the first time that I had to let go of someone on my team. I knew immediately after hiring him that he was not a good fit but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I could go on-and-on for hours about the issues that we had but, that is unbecoming. I learnt two lessons that some people have issues taking direction by a woman and that being a boss will sometimes bring out backlash from others. Be a boss anyway because there is a goal bigger than one person, their inadequacy and their Ego.

2. At some point, people will push you. You must be able to handle it.
The last point has lead me to this one. Being a leader doesn’t mean sitting back and watching people work, it means that I work the hardest. When I started KINDGIRLCO., I was up till 4am filling hundreds of bottles with oil. I was and am always pushed to be better than I was before so that people working for me can see and understand my progress, drive and purpose.

3. Know your numbers!
Before I started my business, I took an accounting course. I took it so that I could understand my financial standpoint. I had heard that the number one reason businesses fail is because they don’t know how to handle money. Thankfully, KindGirlco. broke even in it’s first year. It is so important to know how much you are able to produce without giving up your name and credit for something that might not sell.

4. You attract what you put out there.
After letting go of my former team member, I asked myself how did I get into that situation? And the answer that I got was that I didn’t trust the big picture. I chose him to be a part of the team because I was afraid that the sales would not be where I wanted them to be. Well, in this Universe, we live on vibrations and fearful vibrations attract fearful vibrations. I attracted someone who was the epitome of fear. Someone who feared his greatness and who blamed everyone else for things that he was doing or not doing. It brought me back to why I am in wellness, it is not to spread negativity; it is to rise above it. Feeling fear is okay but wallowing in it is a problem.

5. Rise after a setback and move forward.
Business is just like life, you will come across many obstacles and challenges. However, how you approach them is what really matters. If you let one challenge defeat you, you are not ready to be a business owner. A successful business-owner uses problems as messages. There is always room to grow and setbacks, challenges, obstacles and problems only remind us of that.

4 things that I am currently working on forgiving.

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I am a firm-believer of forgiveness because once we forgive, we can heal. And, once we heal, we can progress. It took me a long time to realize but progression is the direction that I want to remain in.

When I truly started practicing forgiveness, I thought that it was the kind of thing that you do once and never have to do again. But, I have learnt and am still learning, that forgiveness never ends. Everyday there is something to forgive.

This is what I am working on forgiving today:

1. Myself.
Everything starts and begins with the self. I cannot ask myself to forgive others when I haven’t forgiven myself. I have found self-forgiveness to be both painful and liberating because I have to acknowledge and sit with what I have done to myself and others that has made me want to forgive. But, this work is necessary. Whether I am forgiving myself for calling my thighs big or for taking out my frustration on another, self-forgiveness helps me to move forward.

2. Colonization.

Although colonization had a few positive aspects to it, there were many more negatives. Especially coming from a continent (Africa) where colonization has, and still is, having negative effects on the economy, agriculture and people, it is dis-heartening. Colonization has tried to strip the colonized of their own culture and enforced an ideal that Europe or people of European-descent are better than others. When I look around me and see how this way of thinking has left us, it makes me sad. But, just like I mentioned before, forgiveness is about moving forward. I have learnt that blame doesn’t solve problems. I have had to forgive my European ancestors for exploiting and taking advantage of my African ones and accept that these two aspects live within me. If I continue to be angry at European culture, I am being angry at a part of me and angry at a lot of my friends. So, I release that anger and put that passion into re-building. Re-building Myself, My Family and The World. So that I release oppression and embrace love for everyone, the way that we are supposed to. Because love empowers and helps us lift each other up. 

3. Men.

I am very open about the relationship that I have had with men in my life. And, only recently, did I get to understand why many men that I see around me lack the willingness to connect. The reason, I believe, is because we expect men to shield who they really are by wearing a macho-mask. Leaving a lot of them in denial of their emotional capacity. This understanding has helped me forgive. Recently, I found out that a man who had expressed interest in me, was romantically with another woman. Naturally, I became upset and I closed off any prospects with him. I am in the process of forgiveness because I know that his behaviour has nothing to do with me and I want to release myself of the hold that he might have on me. I deserve to be with someone who is great and I am not standing in the way of that by holding onto someone who is not able to appreciate me. I move on with love and forgiveness.

4. People who are not ready to accept my love.

It’s taken me almost my whole life to understand that to be loved, you have to accept love. I’ve come across many people who I have loved immensely and thought that I was overbearing or too much, only to realize that they were not ready for it. Now, instead of changing how I love, I move on to people who are ready to accept love on my level. In addition, I let go of those that I have given a lot to and didn’t get back from because counting how much I have given to another and didn’t get back is exhausting and only holds ME back. I leave the relationship knowing that I have given my best and that was enough.

10 inspirational quotes by Maya Angelou

Poet, Novelist, Humanitarian and Mentor, Maya Angelou, was born on The 4th of April in 1928.  

She has, in some way or form, had an impact on someone in their lifetime. Her quotes embody her wisdom. Which is why I have chosen 10 quotes of hers to be inspired by: 

1. ‘If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be’.’

2. ‘ Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.’

3. ‘You may not control all the events that happen to you but you can decide not to be reduced by them’ 

4. ‘If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.‘

5. ‘ When you learn, teach, when you get, give.’

6. ‘We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.’

7. ‘I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.’

8. ‘We need much less than we think we need.’

9. ‘A wise woman wishes to be no one's enemy; a wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim.’

10. ‘You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.’

10 encouraging quotes by Trevor Noah

When I first saw Trevor Noah live at a comedy show in Melville, Johannesburg in South Africa, a light shon on him. This was thirteen years ago and I can’t believe how time flies. 

Trevor has grown to be a kind, humble and smart man. As a fellow South African, I am so honoured to share these quotes with you by him. That will, hopefully, encourage and inspire you: 

1.  ‘I know that I cannot change the world, but I’ve always believed I can at least affect change in the world.’

2.  ‘I've come to learn as an adult that love is a hell of a drug. It's one of the most dangerous things that human beings can have. It's also one of the most beautiful things that human beings can possess because love, on one hand, gives you the ability to care for a human being sometimes more than you would care for yourself. Love, unfortunately, sometimes gives you the ability to forgive somebody and blind yourself to the truth.’

3.  ‘In my world, a woman was the most powerful thing that I knew. Still is. A woman made the money in my house; a woman made my food. A woman beat my ass when I wasn't a good kid. Women were behind a lot of what spurred South Africa toward democracy.’

4.  ‘We get angry about the small things sometimes, I feel, so that we feel like we're doing something, so that we don't have to tackle the big things. And it's fine; let people do that. But I'm not gonna now change because of that. You know? Like, the worst thing that happens to me is you don't like me. And then what?’

5.  ‘Africa's not a color. It’s a place.’

6.  ‘I've never been afraid to fall in love, nor impatient to find it.’

7.  ‘I don't think I have thick skin, but I heal fast. It's easy to break through, but I heal fast.’

8.  ‘Nobody owns comedy. Nobody owns a premise. Nobody owns an idea.’

9.  ‘Progression, in my opinion, is often identifying shortcomings - whether it's views or the things you're doing in your life, your relationships - and trying to find the places where you improve on those.‘

10.  ‘I often feel like the woman in your life is your driving force. She's your muse. She plays a big role in determining how confident you feel when you walk out the door. She can add 1,000 kilowatts of energy - or drain that out of you. She said, "No, you're not that funny." I thought, She knows better than anyone.’

3 izizathu zokuthi ungadonsela abantu abangalungile empilweni yakho

isithombe ngemifanekiso ye-getty

Ngezinye izikhathi ezimpilweni zethu, kufanele sibukeze ukuziphatha kwethu nokuziphatha kwabantu emiphakathini yethu.

Kungase kwenzeke ngokucindezela okungase kufike ngendlela yokukhaphela noma ukungathembi. Noma, kungase kufike esikhathini esithile ekuphileni kwethu lapho sizizwa singaphelele noma sizizwa sengathi asikho ukuxhumana kwangempela nabantu ezimpilweni zethu.

Ngingumqine-okholwayo ekutholeni i-detoxing. Ukuxosha ingqondo yakho, umzimba nomphefumulo wakho. Futhi, ngezinye izikhathi uvumela ukuhamba kubangane, izinto nabantu abakulimazayo. Uma sesiyi-detox, kubalulekile ukuthi sicabange ukuthi kungani sakha umuntu noma isimo ukuze siqale.

Kungenzeka kube yilezi ezilandelayo:

1. Wena, wena ngokwakho, unomkhuba wokuba ungahambi kahle.

Nganginomthengi owelele ekutheni abe nombi, okuvamile. Ngaphawula ukuthi uzokwenzela abanye ukunganaki futhi ngakho-ke, uzodonsela ukungabi nalutho. Ngamtshela, futhi manje nginitshela ukuthi kubalulekile ukuqaphela imikhuba yakho njengoba sivame ukuheha ukuziphatha okufanayo njengoba sesisetshenzisiwe. Wayengazi ukuthi udale leli phethini. Lokhu kwakuneminyaka emibili eyedlule futhi manje usezindaweni ezijabulisayo futhi ezungezwe abantu abahle nabathintekayo. Uma ngihlala naye, uyambonga kakhulu iseluleko engamnika sona njengoba engazi. Abanye benu bangase babe nomqondo, ngakho-ke banakekele abantu abakuzungezile.

2. Ungabeki ubungane ngokuhleba nokukhuluma okubi.

Lokhu into engikufundile, futhi! Ngesikhathi sasebusika, ngazithola ngikhathazekile ngomsebenzi wokuthi nganquma ukushiya futhi phakathi naleso sikhathi sokukhungatheka, ngangibe umngane nomunye umuntu engisebenza naye. Sichitha isikhathi sethu sikhuluma kabi ngaleyo ndawo nezimo zethu. Lokhu kubangela isisekelo sobuhlobo esakhiwe phezu kokungabi nandaba. Njengabo bonke ubudlelwane, badinga ukuba nesisekelo seqiniso, uthando nokuzwela - hhayi ngenkulumo enenzondo noma edumazayo. Ubuhlobo obufana nalokhu abuyaphila. Kungaba okuhlukile uma sisekela ngesikhathi esiyinkimbinkimbi ngokuqinisekisa futhi sibe nethemba ngekusasa; Nokho, sichitha isikhathi esiningi sokuhlala kulokho okwenziwe kithi.

3. Imingcele engcolile

Imingcele ibaluleke kakhulu, ibaluleke kakhulu. Angikwazi ukuphindaphinda lokhu okwanele. Ngithanda ukusebenzisa isifaniso lapho umuntu engena endlini yakho, athanda i-intercom, bese ehamba ngesango / emnyango lapho omunye umnyango ongena endlini yakho / indlu, kulungile? Lokhu kufanele kube okufanayo empilweni yakho. Uma uhlangana nomuntu, akufanele bakwazi ukwazi konke ngawe futhi ukwazi ukubizwa ngokuthi umngane ngesikhathi esheshayo. Njengoba kunabantu abesabekayo nabakhuthazayo, kukhona abantu ababi abangakuhlehlisa futhi. Thatha isikhathi sakho nabangane abasha bese uqala ukuqaphela ukuthi ngabe umuntu ufanele yini ukuthembela futhi ufanele ukuba nomngane wakhe.Sivame ukuvumela abantu empilweni yethu ngokushesha ukuba babone ukuthi bangobani baze bahambe. Qaphela ngokuqaphela ukuthi ubani ovumela impilo yakho ngokuyithatha kancane futhi ungesabi ukubona ukuthi omunye umuntu akahle yini kuwe.

4 magical things that happened when I let go of needing to control everything.

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I had always believed that I had to be in control of everything in my life. It sounds impossible when put into words, but that's how I used to live my life until recently.

Just four years ago, a few things were falling out of place and I had no idea what to do. I left one job to escape a problematic situation and started another job only to find myself facing an exaggeration of the same problem. I was in a relationship that felt like we were at war with one another because both of us wanted to be in control, and I had left a living situation with friends to live with a stranger in an arrangement filled with drama and turmoil.

It sounds clichéd, but one day I gave in. I found myself exhausted from trying to control everything when I was clearly unable to. This is what happened when I did decide to let go and let things take their course:

1. I stopped living in "when" and started living in "now."

I used to always say that I would be content when things would go my way. When I lose that weight or When I get that job or When I get that raise. I learned that living with expectance was not allowing me to appreciate the moment because I constantly wanted more. This created a cycle of my being unable to appreciate anything I had because I was so focused on wanting things to be the way that I wanted them to be.

Once I let go of the desire to have everything my way, I freed myself. I stopped driving myself crazy with wanting things to be different.

2. I started truly appreciating people.

When I let go of wanting people to respond or think the way that I had expected them to, it allowed me to appreciate the positive aspect of how diverse and unique we all are. People are allowed to be who they are. People will do things they want to; not how I want them to.

3. I learned a lesson from Nature.

The weather changes for a reason. It won't always be sunny; sometimes it will rain and if I love the sunshine as much as I do, I can appreciate the rain. It's helping me appreciate the sunshine because it reminds me that the Sun won't always be around. Just like life, there are some situations that may seem uncomfortable—sometimes even painful. However, these situations help us appreciate the situations that are joyful. When the joyful times come around, I remember when it wasn't joyful, which helps me appreciate it more.

4. I cried for a day and then got up the next day.

It was only natural for me to be sad or emotional when things weren't going my way; however, emotions don't lead to success—progressive actions do. I sobbed like a toddler who'd had a toy taken away from her, but then I got up and focused my energy on how to deal with the situation. I made a decision to take action because my emotions wouldn't get me as far as my actions would.

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4 reasons why I don’t care if someone calls me fat anymore.

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After years of being at war with my body, I am finally at peace with it. After years of calling myself fat, throwing up my food, starving myself and being on every fad-diet that you could think of, I am finally at peace with this marvelous machine that God has blessed me with.

It took a while to get here but I am here. And, these are the reasons why I don’t care if people call me fat anymore:

1. Someone’s opinion of me is just an opinion.

This can be applied to anything; however, it resonates deeply with me about my weight. Growing up, I was a dancer and model. Two careers that depended on my weight. People’s opinions about my weight was so important to me because whether I was able to progress or not, depended on how much I weighed. Unfortunately, when I was done with being a model and dancer, that mindset stayed with me and I gave people’s opinions about my body power. Today, I have learnt to accept that the only opinion that matters about my body is my own and other people’s words are a projection of their minds onto me.

2. My body is doing great things that someone else’s eye can’t see.

We judge each other so heavily on what we look like, not really acknowledging the power that our bodies hold internally. The external overpowers the internal. When I was bulimic, I was so obsessed with looking great from the outside that the internal didn’t matter, which is a shame! Because I risked my health just to look good. When someone comments about my weight, I think about the torture that I put my body through and refuse to do it again. If I am healthy and strong, it is more than enough for me.

3. Health is first.

In October 2015, I was diagnosed with severe anemia and I was told that I would need a blood transfusion if my iron levels didn’t increase within a month otherwise my life was at risk. I was put on prescription pills and told to eat meat after being vegan, on-and-off, for over a year. I was distraught because being vegan was so important to me but I was on the verge of death. I reintroduced small amounts of meat into my diet and, as a result, I gained a lot of weight. Even my neighbour made a point to let me know. In the beginning, it saddened me that I was still being defined by my looks as a woman. But, then I remembered that I almost died and my body’s weight gain was a reminder of my strength. I decided to wear my weight as a trophy and rid myself of the societal pressures that I had previously conformed to.

4. I am light and love; not fat.

Recently I found out that an extended family member of mine had seen a picture of me on social media and told some people that I had gained weight. It astounds me that we are still stuck on casting judgements on others based on their appearances, when there are so many other positive things that we can say about each other. I reminded myself that I am light and I am love. And, no label is going to pull me down into negativity. No matter what anyone else says about me, I will continue to believe in my greatness.

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10 inspiring quotes from Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer was born in Detroit, Michigan. Although he sadly passed away in 2015, he left behind a legacy of ways to live your most authentic, peaceful and God-serving life. He has had an impact on my life.

And, I hope that he can do the same for you.

Here are 10 inspiring quotes from him:

1. ‘Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.’

2. ‘f you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.’

3. ‘When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.’

4. ‘You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with’

5. ‘Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.’

6. ‘How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.’

7. ‘Go for it now. The future is promised to no one.’

8. ‘Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.’

9. ‘When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way.’

10. ‘The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about.’

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5 negative behaviours that I refuse to spend time on.

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When I look back on how I've dealt with difficult times in the past, I realize that I've spent a lot of wasted time on negative mindsets that haven't helped me progress. In fact, they did the opposite. I complicated many simple situations by overthinking, analyzing and ignoring signs that were right in front of me.

So I came up with a list of five negative behaviors that I wasted time indulging, and I won't waste time on them again:

1. Believing people who have insulted me.

We live in a wonderful world, but most of us have been hurt. People who have been hurt and cannot move past the hurt will try to hurt others, either intentionally or unintentionally. I've wasted a lot of time believing hurt people's insults, never realizing that people who were ready to insult me were ready to insult others too. Insults are rarely about the person who's being insulted; they're more about the person doing the insulting.

2. Convincing someone to love me.

I wasted time trying to convince a former partner of mine to love me. All that time spent waiting for him to call me back, hinting at him to buy me flowers and waiting for him to see how grateful he should've been to have me could've been spent on someone who genuinely appreciates me. Not only was I wasting time, but I was also subconsciously telling myself that I wasn't worth being loved. Ultimately, every single person is worth being loved.

3. Beating myself up about the past.

Whatever has happened is done. I used to spend a lot of time wanting to change what my behavior in the past. The clock moves forward, and wanting to change what has happened is impossible. All that time spent on looking in the past can be used to help me progress in my future. The future is something I can actually do something about.

4. Judging people on the decisions they've made.

I won't be happy with some people's decisions, and that's OK. I don't have to live with the consequences their own actions — they do. Time spent criticizing and judging someone else's decisions is time truly wasted. That time could have been used to help me progress in my own life. I can't control what others have done with their own lives, so there's no need to judge them based on my expectations and views on life.

5. Excusing selfish behavior.

I once had a friend who behaved in a way that seemed like she thought life was all about her. She would call me or want to see me only when she needed me to be there for her; however, when I asked the same from her, she would disappear. I wasted a lot of time convincing myself that she didn't intend to be selfish, and I excused her behavior because I feared losing a friend. After it all, I did lose her as a friend, and all that time I spent convincing myself that she wasn't being selfish could've been used on appreciating a friend who actually isn't selfish and gives me back what I give them.

Ungazibizi ngokuthi ungumvelo wezemvelo uma wenza lezizinto ezingu-4

isithombe ngemifanekiso ye-getty

Akungabazeki ukuthi sidinga ukuthatha ukunakekela okungaphezulu kwemvelo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyakholelwa ekushintsheni kwezulu noma cha, kunobuningi besayensi nobufakazi bokuphika ukuthi kukhona ukuguquguquka kwemvelo okuhlobene ngokuqondile nabantu abathintekayo kuyo.

Ngokuphelele, senze umphumela omubi emvelweni futhi sekuyisikhathi esenza ushintsho.

Uma ufuna ngempela ukushiya imvelo kangcono kunalokho owutholile, kunezinto eziningi ongayenza. Ikakhulu lezizinto ezintathu:

1. Phuza ngemifula epulasitiki.

Ama-straws ayenziwe ngepulasitiki futhi, ngokusho kwe-BBC, kusetshenziswe imifino eyi-8.5 billion ngonyaka. Lokho kuyizintambo eziningi! Okwenza izinsiza zibe yingozi kakhulu ukuthi kunzima ukuzihlaziya, ngokwemvelo zikwazi ukubola ngamagciwane. Ukusetshenziselwa nokusetshenziswa ngokweqile kwemifino kunomthelela oselwandle olugcwele umhlaba kanye nezilwane zasendle ezihlala kulezi zilwandle. I-Pollution Pollution Coalition yakhipha isihloko esithi ngonyaka odlule esho ukuthi bathole ama-penguin, ama-turtles nezinye izilwane ezincane zasendle ezigundwe noma ziboshwe yizintambo.

Isixazululo: Sebenzisa ama-straw avuselelwe yensimbi noma ungasebenzisi ama-straws nhlobo.

2.Drayivu yonke indawo

Ngicelwa ukubuza ukuthi kungani ngingenayo imoto ehlala eLos Angeles. Futhi, kimi, ikakhulukazi imvelo. Ngingowesifazane ongashadile futhi angifuni isidingo sokuba nemoto. Ikakhulukazi ngoba ngiyazi imiphumela emibi yokusebenzisa uphethiloli / igesi kwimvelo. Iqala ngenqubo yokuthola nokuhlanza uphethiloli onomthelela oqondile emvelweni njengoba kudala ukungcola komoya. Ukusetshenziswa kwephethiloli ezimotweni zethu kukhishwa imfucumfucu enobuthi emoyeni futhi kudala ukungcola komoya.

Isixazululo: Sebenzisa kuphela imoto yakho uma ikhona noma kuyoba okungenani abantu abathathu emotweni ukunciphisa ukukhishwa kwamathambo anobuthi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, bhala ku-senator yakho noma ephalamende ukuthola esinye isisombululo esisebenzayo sezimoto ongasisebenzisa esikhundleni sephethiloli / igesi njengezimoto ezinamandla asebusuku.

3. Ungabuyeli kabusha.

Ukubuyisela kabusha akuwona umsebenzi womunye umuntu; kungokwakho. Asikwazi ukulindela ukuthi abanye bavuselele futhi lapho sibonile imiphumela yezindleko zokungena komhlaba olwandle kanye nezilwane zasendle. Ukungabi khona kwemfucuza yokubuyisela kabusha kuqoqwe imfucuza ezindaweni eziphilayo. Uma sikwazi ukuphinda sisebenzise kabusha izidakamizwa njengepulasitiki, ikakhulukazi ukuthi singayisebenzisa kabusha futhi siyivimbele ekuthinteni indawo yethu yemvelo nemvelo.

Isixazululo: Buyisela kabusha futhi uhlanganise umquba ngangokunokwenzeka.

4. Thatha imvula isikhathi eside kunemizuzu emihlanu.

Kusobala ukuthi kukhona ukungabi namanzi asebenzisekayo. Ngakho-ke, lapho ngibona abantu bethatha amaminithi angu-10-30 emvula, kuyangidumaza. Isikhungo Sokulawulwa Kwezifo sithi kukhona abantu abayizigidi ezingu-780 abangenazo izinsiza zamanzi ezifanele njengamathrekhi emhlabeni. Impikiswano engiyivame ukuyizwa lapho ngichaza lokhu yilapho efika emadolobheni lokhu okwenzekayo ukwenza umehluko. Kodwa-ke, sabona emadolobheni afana neLos Angeles neKapa ukuthi, ukungabi namanzi kuyinkinga emhlabeni jikelele.

Isixazululo: Yehlisa imvula yakho emizuzwini engu-2-5 ngosuku futhi ugweme ukushiya ithompini isebenza uma ungayisebenzisi.

Don’t call yourself an environmentalist if you do these things 4 things.

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There is no doubt that we need to take more care of the environment. Whether you believe in Climate change or not, there is too much scientific and physical evidence to deny that there is a shift in the environment which is directly related to human-beings effect on it.

As a whole, we have had a negative effect on the environment and it’s time that we make a change.

If you truly want to leave the environment better than you found it, there are many things that you can do. Particularly these three things:

1. Drink through plastic straws.

Straws are made of plastic and, according to BBC, 8.5 billion straws are used per year. That is a lot of straws! What makes straws so harmful is that they are difficult to biodegrade, naturally able to be decomposed by bacteria. The use and overuse of straws has an effect on landfilled oceans as well as the wildlife living in these oceans. The Plastic Pollution Coalition released an article last year stating that they had found penguins, turtles and other small wildlife choked or trapped by straws.

Solution: Use metal reusable straws or don’t use straws at all.

2. Drive everywhere

I get asked often why I don’t have a car living in Los Angeles. And, for me, it’s mostly for the environment. I am a single woman and don’t feel the necessity of having a car. Particularly because I know the negative effects of using petrol/ gas on the environment. It starts with the process of finding and refining petrol that has a direct impact on the environment as it creates air pollution. The use of petrol in our cars emits toxic fumes into the air and creates air pollution.

Solution: Only use your car if there are or will be at least 3 people in the car to reduce emission toxic fumes. Furthermore, write to your senator or parliament to find out another feasible solution for cars to use instead of petrol/gas like solar-powered cars.

3. Don’t recycle. 

Recycling isn’t someone else’s job; it is yours. We can’t expect others to recycle for us when we have seen the effects of landfills on the oceans and the wildlife. Lack of recycling waste accumulated the waste in natural areas. The more that we are able to recycle wastes like plastic, the more that we can efficiently reuse it and prevent it from affecting our natural habitats and environment.

Solution: Recycle and compost as much as you can.

4. Take showers longer than 5 minutes.

It is clear that there is a lack of useable water. So, when I see people taking 10-30 minute showers, it disappoints me. The Centre for Disease Control says that there are 780 million people without proper water resources like taps in the world. The argument that I often hear when I explain this is that it is up to the cities that this is happening in to make a difference. However, we saw in cities like Los Angeles and Cape Town that, lack of water is a worldwide problem.

Solution: Limit your showers to 2-5 minutes a day and avoid leaving the tap running when you are not using it.

10 choses que je refuse de déterminer ma valeur.

image par GettyImages 

Honnêtement parlant, je dois me rappeler chaque jour d'où vient ma valeur. Il est facile de croire que notre valeur est déterminée par ce que nous avons, qui nous date et combien d'argent nous gagnons.

Cependant, nous déterminons notre estime de soi.

Ce sont les 12 choses que je refuse de déterminer ma valeur:

1. Argent.

Parce que l'argent va et vient.

2. Hommes.

Je n'ai pas besoin d'un homme pour m'aimer pour savoir que l'amour existe.

3. Ma couleur de peau.

Que ce soit clair ou sombre. Ma peau mérite d'être appréciée pour tout ce qu'elle fait.

4. Mon genre.

Tout est une question d'égalité.

5. Ma nationalité.

Nous méritons tous d'être traités humainement.

6. Ma couleur de cheveux.

Qu'elle soit naturelle ou teinte, la coiffure est un choix.

7. Mon travail.

Parce que les emplois vont et viennent.

8. Mes échecs.

Il y avait toujours une leçon à y trouver.

9. Mes problèmes.

Les problèmes m'ont appris quelque chose.

10. Matériaux et regards.

Nos âmes sont plus profondes que ce que seul l'œil peut voir.

10 things that I refuse to determine my worth

Image by Getty images  

Honestly speaking, I have to remind myself daily where my worth comes from. It’s easy to believe that our worth is determined by what we have, who we date and how much money we make.

However, we determine our self-worth.

These are the 12 things that I refuse to determine my worth:

1. Money.

Because money comes and goes.

2. Men.

I don’t need a man to love me to know that love exists.

3. My skin colour.

Whether light or dark. My skin deserve to be appreciated for everything that it does.

4. My gender.

It’s all about equality.

5. My nationality.

We all deserve to be treated humanely.

6. My hair colour.

Whether natural or dyed, hair-ware is a choice.

7. My job.

Because jobs come and go.

8. My failures.

There was always a lesson to be found in them.

9. My problems.

Problems taught me something.

10. Materials and looks.

Our souls are deeper than what only the eye can see.

Izinto ezidingekayo ukufundisa izingane zakho, omunye nomunye nathi.

  Getty Images 

Ngikhathazekile ngokuthi sihamba kuphi njengomuntu, ngokujwayelekile. Kubonakala sengathi sesizwele, sibhekene nento yonke futhi silungele ukuhlaselwa komunye nomunye Ukusuka ku-Twitter kuya emigwaqweni, sivame ukukhetha ukungabi nandaba nokuhlukanisa phezu kothando, ukwamukelwa nokuzwelana. Ngibize ngidala kodwa ngikholelwa ekuthetheleleni, ukuthula, ukuba nomusa nokukhetha uthando. Futhi yilokhu engicabanga ukuthi kufanele sizifundise thina, omunye nomunye nezingane zethu:

1. Yiba pro-umuntu! Hlanganisa endleleni yakho enenkululeko, ubulungiswa kanye nenkululeko.

2. Yamukela ukuthi abantu bakhetha ukuzimela kanjani.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umuntu ukhetha ukugqoka izinwele zakhe eqondile, ezihlotshisiwe, ezibomvu, ezimhlophe noma eziluhlaza, zamukela ukuthi umzimba wazo futhi zikhetha ukuzimela ngendlela ethile. Indlela abaye bakhetha ukwenza ngayo akuyona yebhizinisi lakho.

3. Imali akuyona ukuphela konke kube konke. Yebo, imali inhle. Kodwa namanje ujabulele impilo yakho. Ukuphila kufana nokulinganisela futhi nakuba ungadinga imali ukuze uphile, akudingeki ukuba uphile ngemali.

4. Okunye ukulwa akufanelekile ukulwa. Kungenxa yokuthi siphila esikhathini esiye sabalalisa futhi samukela ukulwa njengendlela evamile, akusho ukuthi udinga ukufaka isandla kulo. Khetha ukuthi ufuna ukulwa nani. Awukwazi ukulwa nawo wonke umuntu nakho konke.

5. Kukhona okwanele ukuba wonke umuntu azungeze. Sinalo mqondo wokuntuleka, okuyinto yokwenza ukwesaba. Futhi, ukwesaba okuphambene nothando. Sivela othandweni nothando yi-vibration enamandla kakhulu; ngakho-ke leyo mbono ayiyona enembile. Sonke singaphumelela. Ngokuningi kwethu okuphumelelayo, okunye kuzoba khona ukuhamba nxazonke.

6. Singaphakanyiswa phezulu. Kwanele ngokubuka abanye abantu behlupheka futhi bengabasiza abanye ngokwanele ngokuhaha. Uma uthola, unike! Uma ufunda, fundisa!

7. Yiba nomusa.

Kuyinto elula futhi ikushiye kabi-Karma mahhala.

8. Lalela.

Umsindo wezwi lakho uyanxusa emva kwesikhathi. Ngezinye izikhathi, kungcono ukulalela kuphela.

9. Ukusekela abanye abantu ensimini yakho. Siva-me ukucabanga ngabantu abasembonini efanayo nathi njengomncintiswano. Noma kunjalo, ingaba umthombo wakho wokusekela, ngokuphambene nalokho.

9. Phila namuhla!

Okudlulile kwenziwa futhi ikusasa alithembiswanga. Namuhla usuku okufanele uphile ngalo, wamukele!

10. Awudingi ukufakazela ukuthi yini oyithandayo. Ufanelwe uthando njengoba nje ukhona. Asikho isidingo sokufakazela ukuthi ufanelwe, usuvele ukhona.

11. Hlalani nivulekile.

Kunzima ngezinye izikhathi. Kodwa, ukuphila kungcono ukubonwa nge-lens ecacile; akekho owodwa oshiwo yilokho abantu abakusho ngaphambili futhi bacabanga ngawe.

12. Uthethelele!

Asikho isidingo sokubamba endleleni oye waphathwa ngayo noma lokho abantu abakushoyo ngawe. Kuyeke kuhambe!

13. Nika konke!

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi othandweni, emsebenzini noma empilweni, unike konke! Ngaleyo ndlela uyazi ukuthi wenze okusemandleni akho!

14. Awudingi ukukhamuluka ukuzwa. Ngezinye izikhathi ukuthula kungakhuluma okuningi.

15. Vuka ngenhla. 

Ukuphakama ngenhla kwabazondayo, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwamazwana aphikisayo, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwezimo, ukuphakama ngaphezu kokungabaza, ukuphakama ngaphezu kokwesaba, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwesahlulelo, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwezitha, ukukhuphukela ngaphezu kokulimala, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwezenzo eziphezulu nokuphakama ngaphezu kobuhlungu.

15 things we need to teach each other, ourselves and our kids.

image by Getty images 

I’m concerned about where we are headed as humanity, in general. It seems like we have become sensitive, bothered about everything and ready to attack each other - at the drop of a hat.

From Twitter to the streets, we tend to choose negativity and divisiveness over love, acceptance and compassion.

Call me old-fashioned but I believe in forgiveness, peace, being kind and choosing love. And this is what I think we should be teaching ourselves, each other and our kids:

1. Be pro-human!
Be inclusive in your path to freedom, justice and liberation.

2. Accept how people choose to represent themselves.

Whether someone chooses to wear their hair straight, curly, brown, blonde or green, accept that it’s their body and they are choosing to represent themselves a certain way. How they have chosen to do so is none of your business.

3. Money is not the end all be all.
Yes, money is nice. But still enjoy your life. Life is about balance and although you may need money to live, you don’t need to live for money.

4. Some fights are not worth fighting.
Just because we are living in an era that has popularized and accepted fighting as the norm, doesn’t mean that you need to contribute to it. Choose what you want to fight over. You can’t fight everyone and everything.

5. There is enough for everyone to go around.

We have this idea of scarcity, which is a fabrication of fear. And, fear is the opposite of love. We came from love and love is the most powerful vibration; therefore that idea is not accurate. We can all succeed. The more of us that succeed, the more there is to go around.

6. We can lift each other up.

Enough with watching other people suffer and not helping others and enough with the greed. When you get, give! When you learn, teach!

7. Be kind.

It’s simple and leaves you negative-Karma free.

8. Listen.

The sound of your voice gets annoying after sometime. Sometimes, it’s best just to listen.

9. Support other people in your field.

We often think of people being in the same industry as us as competition. However, they can be your source of support, vice versa.

9. Live today!

The past is done and the future is not promised. Today is the day that you have to live, embrace it!

10. You don’t need to prove anything to be loved.

You deserve love just as you are. No need to prove that you are worthy, you already are.

11. Stay open.

It’s difficult sometimes. But, life is better to be seen through a clear lens; not one clouded by what people have previously said and thought about you.

12. Forgive!

There’s no need to hold on to the way that you have been treated or what people have said about you. Let it go!

13. Give your all!

Whether it’s in love, work or health, give your all! That way you know that you did your very best!

14. You don’t have to shout to heard.

Sometimes silence can speak volumes.

15. Rise above.

Rise above haters, rise above negative comments, rise above circumstances, rise above doubt, rise above fear, rise above judgement, rise above enemies, rise above hurt, rise above mediocrity and rise above pain.

4 things that I have learnt to accept

I love getting older. I spent so much of my late teens and early twenties feeling insecure, making mistakes and making a fool out of myself. I have no regrets and over those years, I have learnt to accept these four things:

1. Your intuition is real.

Insecurity is often coupled with doubt. When I was younger, I was doubtful about a lot of things regarding who I was and signs related to the path that I should take in my life. If I met people with energy that I felt was needy, disingenuous or mean-spirited, I would cover it up with, ‘Don’t be silly’ or, ‘Maybe I’m exaggerating it?’ However, now I know to accept people and things as they are. Intuition is looking out for me and it whispers today and screams in a few months- I might as well listen to the whispers.

2. No man is worth chasing.
Ridiculously, this took me 5 years in a relationship with a man who was inconsiderate and selfish to realize this. He was the King of playing chess with my emotions. To be frank, I have only made peace with it and him this year. We met when I was 21 and when I was younger, I chased the idea of him as I was under the impression that people in a love-situation are worth fighting for. However, the person that you are in a relationship with should be fighting too; not only you. I know now that if the person you love isn’t putting in the effort like you are, let it go. Being alone is better than crying and agonizing over someone who is playing games with you.

3. Belief is powerful.

Whether it’s self-belief or belief that you will get a job or an apartment, you need to believe in order for it to happen. Belief reminds the universe that you are on the same page and reminds you that you are able. Across all religions and spiritual texts, they reference to the power of belief because belief is the first and most important part in being better and doing better.

4. Not everyone will like you.

This can be painful to accept but once you do, it is very liberating. I’ve never really been a suck-up; however, people not liking me used to bother me. I would need to prove to people that I was worthy. I often tell people the story of when I had someone that didn’t like me take my yoga class a few years ago, she decided in 5 minutes of the class that she didn’t want to take it- so she left. She cursed at me behind the door that I shut after her and complained about me to the girl working front desk that evening. Once she left, I made a decision to let her go because I had over 30 other people in the room. I could focus on her or focus on the people who are enjoying my class- this lesson has transferred to all areas of my life. I no longer have a need to seek approval from people who don’t like me because I am enough, with or without other people’s approval.

12 more reasons why I still forgive

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Forgiveness is not easy; but necessary. When people or circumstances do us wrong, our egos can play the victim and past hurts come to the surface. Which can make it difficult to see the light that occurs once you forgive.

The light once you forgive someone or something could be your freedom, ability to find peace or that you can move on with life. Forgiveness is important and this is why:

1. I forgive because it is time.

2. I forgive because at some point, I have to let it go.

3. I forgive because I want to see what’s on the other side of forgiveness.

4. I forgive because there is an end to everything, including anger, resentment and despair.

5. I forgive because who wants to hold onto baggage?

6. I forgive because stepping forward feels more natural than going in reverse.

7. I forgive because letting go is powerful.

8. I forgive because I don’t want it anymore.

9. I forgive because I want my power back.

10. I forgive because progress is a choice.

11. I forgive because like Ghandi said, ‘an eye for an eye leaves the world blind’

12. I forgive because I want to embody peace, love and happiness; not rage, resentment and anger.

7 ways to lift your self-esteem

image by Getty images 

In the past year I've really learned what it means to have self-worth. I am finding out more and more that when you can appreciate yourself it is a true blessing.

I thought that I would share a few ways that helped me raise my self-esteem:

1. Learn to say "no."

This way, when you say yes it's for things that are meaningful. When you learn to say no to things and people, it helps you prioritize and remember what's in your best interest. You also begin to like and appreciate yourself for having your own back. The reality is that only you can have your back because, you're the only person who can know what you truly want.

2. Forgive yourself!

The only way to move beyond the past is to let go of it. We all make mistakes, but holding on to them, or telling yourself how badly you've done won't help you achieve anything positive in your life. Let go of the judgment and nasty names that you've called yourself, and move forward.

3. Limit your apologies only for when you hurt people.

Only say sorry when you've hurt someone. When you continuously say sorry for making mistakes, you're basically apologizing for living. Everyone makes mistakes in life — that's a guarantee. It's nothing to be apologetic about. It also makes your apology to someone you've hurt more meaningful and special because you aren't throwing around the word a lot.

4. Respect yourself.

When you respect yourself, the attitude seeps into to all areas of your life. It means that what you put in your mouth, what you tell yourself and what you do all have healthy benefits to you and your body. Feeling guilty and ashamed isn't a form of respect. So steer away from things that make you feel that way. Put things in your body and mind that make you feel good about yourself and proud of your decisions.

5. Set up clear boundaries for people in your life.

People treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you allow chaos and drama into your life, that's what you'll get. If you allow happiness and joy into your life, you'll get that instead! You deserve to be respected, and only you can initiate this by telling yourself and others what you do and don't appreciate in your life.

6. Surround yourself with people who are positive influences.

People who are negative tend to be a drag to be around. It can be exhausting to deal with people that see the worst in everything. One of the great things about life is that you can decide who you want to be in your life. You deserve people in your life who will lift you up with positivity, and you deserve to lift others up with positivity, too.

7. Smile at yourself in the mirror.

If you want to be mean to yourself, then by all means, go ahead and wish you could be better-looking, call yourself hurtful names and tell yourself that you're unworthy of love. However, if you want to be kind to yourself, start by smiling. Just smile at yourself and you will begin a positive and healthy relationship with yourself.