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4 more things that I learnt about haters

Image from unSplash

Image from unSplash

Whether we would like to admit it or not, there will always be someone hateful in our lives. It might be a friend, a family member, a roommate, a romantic partner, a business partner or even you.


Recently, I learnt a few more things about haters that I would like to share with you:

1. Hurt people hurt people

I found myself recently being a hater towards a Musician/DJ/Producer who would frequent a yoga studio that I used to teach at in Los Angeles. All of the hate that I had accumulated towards men, I had placed on him because it was easy. It was easy to hate a man who publicly isn’t the kindest to woman because he was the biggest target. He has a platform and millions of followers on Instagram. The hateful part of me was jealous that he could spread the message of tearing women down. I found myself saying nasty things about his character until one day, I realized that I didn’t even know him so how can I be so hateful towards him? I was so harsh on him and being harsh leads to hate. Hate is a burden that I don’t want to carry. So, I sent him an apology letter and wish him the best. I needed to look within myself to see what wasn’t healed. He is not responsible for something that other men have done to me. He doesn’t deserve to be the recipient of hate.

2. Not everyone will celebrate you.

Lately, I have come to terms with the fact that not everyone will be happy for my achievements because they don’t have to be. They don’t have to be happy for me. In addition, I have learnt that people who have nothing to celebrate in their own lives are more likely not to celebrate yours. People are dealing with themselves and their own lives, and usually how they feel about you has nothing to do with you. It is an extension of how they feel about themselves.

3. Not everyone wants the best for you.

In an ideal world, everyone is rooting for each other but that is not reality. The world we live in is full of love and light; however, there is hatred and darkness too. All of us make a daily choice of what we will choose to embrace each day and some people choose darkness and hatred. With darkness comes negativity, being mean, lies and wrongdoing. We cannot expect everyone to be at their best or to be rooting for us, we can only expect the best from ourselves. How other people choose to behave is how they have chosen to behave. If they see the light, great! If they don’t, great too! Life goes on.

4. It’s not personally.

Like I said before, people are dealing with themselves and not everyone knows how to overcome incompetence, Ego, self-hatred, betrayal and negativity. Most people will unleash it right onto someone else after it has happened to them. Even some of the most ‘personal’ attacks of hatred are an extension of where that person is at mentally, physically and emotionally, don’t take it personally. Everyone is at a different place in their lives and some are not inclined to be better people. Love them from a distance and let them go, they are not your problem to deal with or you will find yourself taking on someone else’s negativity, hurt and pain.

5 negative behaviours that I refuse to spend time on.

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image by Getty images

 

When I look back on how I've dealt with difficult times in the past, I realize that I've spent a lot of wasted time on negative mindsets that haven't helped me progress. In fact, they did the opposite. I complicated many simple situations by overthinking, analyzing and ignoring signs that were right in front of me.

So I came up with a list of five negative behaviors that I wasted time indulging, and I won't waste time on them again:

 

1. Believing people who have insulted me.

We live in a wonderful world, but most of us have been hurt. People who have been hurt and cannot move past the hurt will try to hurt others, either intentionally or unintentionally. I've wasted a lot of time believing hurt people's insults, never realizing that people who were ready to insult me were ready to insult others too. Insults are rarely about the person who's being insulted; they're more about the person doing the insulting.

 

2. Convincing someone to love me.

I wasted time trying to convince a former partner of mine to love me. All that time spent waiting for him to call me back, hinting at him to buy me flowers and waiting for him to see how grateful he should've been to have me could've been spent on someone who genuinely appreciates me. Not only was I wasting time, but I was also subconsciously telling myself that I wasn't worth being loved. Ultimately, every single person is worth being loved.

 

3. Beating myself up about the past.

Whatever has happened is done. I used to spend a lot of time wanting to change what my behavior in the past. The clock moves forward, and wanting to change what has happened is impossible. All that time spent on looking in the past can be used to help me progress in my future. The future is something I can actually do something about.

 

4. Judging people on the decisions they've made.

I won't be happy with some people's decisions, and that's OK. I don't have to live with the consequences their own actions — they do. Time spent criticizing and judging someone else's decisions is time truly wasted. That time could have been used to help me progress in my own life. I can't control what others have done with their own lives, so there's no need to judge them based on my expectations and views on life.

 

5. Excusing selfish behavior.

I once had a friend who behaved in a way that seemed like she thought life was all about her. She would call me or want to see me only when she needed me to be there for her; however, when I asked the same from her, she would disappear. I wasted a lot of time convincing myself that she didn't intend to be selfish, and I excused her behavior because I feared losing a friend. After it all, I did lose her as a friend, and all that time I spent convincing myself that she wasn't being selfish could've been used on appreciating a friend who actually isn't selfish and gives me back what I give them.

5 words that you should remove from your vocabulary

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Image by Getty Images 

 

Words carry power, and I've found called myself names I thought I didn't mean, only to find out later that I did mean them. Because behind every word is intention.

 

If my intention is to be kind to myself and to others, then I have no reason to use the following words:

1. Stupid

We call ourselves, people and things stupid if they don't do what we want them to when we want them to. Releasing this word from your vocabulary allows you to accept things the way they are. Who are we to judge who someone is? What something is? And when something occurs?

2. Fat

If you're calling yourself and others this word, STOP! This word spreads pure hate. Do you want to contribute hate or love to this world? If you want to be a positive influence in this world, using this word will do the opposite of your intention.

3. Should

If things were meant to be a certain way, they would be that way. If you were meant to be with your former partner, you would be. If you were meant to be a millionaire, you would be one. If you were meant to have different parents, you would have different parents. You are exactly where you are meant to be, and you can use what you have to progress. Wishing things were different from how they are now will stop you from progressing successfully.

4. Hate

It isn't only a strong word, but a word that promotes negativity. Why focus on what's going wrong with your day and life, when you can focus on what's going right.

5. Loser

People have their own routes in this journey of life. Most of the time there isn't a winner and a loser because all of us have something to learn from life. If someone has decided to live life the way that they want to, which may seem bizarre to you and others, you aren't the judge of how and what they are meant to achieve. Have enough respect and consideration for people to let them live life the way they want, without them being fearful of labels and restrictions.

4 ways to work with The Universe

I had always believed that I had to be in control of everything in my life. It sounds impossible when put into words, but that's how I used to live my life until recently.

A few years ago, a few things were falling out of place and I had no idea what to do. I left one job to escape a problematic situation and started another job only to find myself facing an exaggeration of the same problem. I was in a relationship that felt like we were at war with one another because both of us wanted to be in control, and I had left a living situation with friends to live with a stranger in an arrangement filled with drama and turmoil.

It sounds clichéd, but one day I gave in. I found myself exhausted from trying to control everything when I was clearly unable to. This is what happened when I did decide to let go and let things take their course:

1. I stopped living in "when" and started living in "now."

I used to always say that I would be content when things would go my way. When I lose that weight or When I get that job or When I get that raise. I learned that living with expectance was not allowing me to appreciate the moment because I constantly wanted more. This created a cycle of my being unable to appreciate anything I had because I was so focused on wanting things to be the way that I wanted them to be.

Once I let go of the desire to have everything my way, I freed myself. I stopped driving myself crazy with wanting things to be different.

2. I started appreciating people.

When I let go of wanting people to respond or think the way that I had expected them to, it allowed me to appreciate the positive aspect of how diverse and unique we all are. People are allowed to be who they are. People will do things they want to; not how I want them to.

3. I learned a lesson from Nature.

The weather changes for a reason. It won't always be sunny; sometimes it will rain and if I love the sunshine as much as I do, I can appreciate the rain. It's helping me appreciate the sunshine because it reminds me that the Sun won't always be around. Just like life, there are some situations that may seem uncomfortable—sometimes even painful. However, these situations help us appreciate the situations that are joyful. When the joyful times come around, I remember when it wasn't joyful, which helps me appreciate it more.

4. I cried for a day and then got up the next day.

It was only natural for me to be sad or emotional when things weren't going my way; however, emotions don't lead to success—progressive actions do. I sobbed like a toddler who'd had a toy taken away from her, but then I got up and focused my energy on how to deal with the situation. I made a decision to take action because my emotions wouldn't get me as far as my actions would

15 reasons to forgive

Image by Getty Images

Image by Getty Images

Every three months, I take a yoga challenge. I practice hot yoga for thirty consecutive days and I also give myself thirty reasons to forgive.

 

Here are fifteen of my favourite from my last challenge:

 

1. I forgive because holding onto judgements about myself and others only shackles my mind and soul to negativity.

 

2. I forgive because I want to remember more than what has been done wrong to me.

 

3. I forgive because we are all humans. Counting what is wrong with others will only bring me down, how long can I keep fighting for?

 

4. I forgive because I am not a victim. Anything that has been done to me was not under my control.

 

5. I forgive because I will not allow negative people and negative situations to have a hold over my life.

 

6. I forgive because today is too beautiful to be spent judging and scrutinizing people around me.

 

7. I forgive because if I don't move past offense, I will drive myself crazy.

 

8. I forgive because I don't expect people to be kind, I merely appreciate those who are. The only way that I can appreciate those who are kind, is by forgiving those who are unkind.

 

9. I forgive because what has happened, has happened. It is time to let it go.

 

10. I forgive because in this imperfect human body I am in no state to hold anything against anyone.

 

11. I forgive because I can't expect others to live by my expectations.

 

12. I forgive because I can't re-write the past and I don't want to.

 

13. I forgive because my sense of peace is not worth sacrificing over something that happened in the past.

 

14. I forgive because I want to wish others well- including those who have hurt me.

 

15. I forgive because I want to have hope. Hope is not obtained by holding onto what has gone wrong