4 magical things that happened when I let go of needing to control everything.

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I had always believed that I had to be in control of everything in my life. It sounds impossible when put into words, but that's how I used to live my life until recently.

Just four years ago, a few things were falling out of place and I had no idea what to do. I left one job to escape a problematic situation and started another job only to find myself facing an exaggeration of the same problem. I was in a relationship that felt like we were at war with one another because both of us wanted to be in control, and I had left a living situation with friends to live with a stranger in an arrangement filled with drama and turmoil.

It sounds clichéd, but one day I gave in. I found myself exhausted from trying to control everything when I was clearly unable to. This is what happened when I did decide to let go and let things take their course:

1. I stopped living in "when" and started living in "now."

I used to always say that I would be content when things would go my way. When I lose that weight or When I get that job or When I get that raise. I learned that living with expectance was not allowing me to appreciate the moment because I constantly wanted more. This created a cycle of my being unable to appreciate anything I had because I was so focused on wanting things to be the way that I wanted them to be.

Once I let go of the desire to have everything my way, I freed myself. I stopped driving myself crazy with wanting things to be different.

2. I started truly appreciating people.

When I let go of wanting people to respond or think the way that I had expected them to, it allowed me to appreciate the positive aspect of how diverse and unique we all are. People are allowed to be who they are. People will do things they want to; not how I want them to.

3. I learned a lesson from Nature.

The weather changes for a reason. It won't always be sunny; sometimes it will rain and if I love the sunshine as much as I do, I can appreciate the rain. It's helping me appreciate the sunshine because it reminds me that the Sun won't always be around. Just like life, there are some situations that may seem uncomfortable—sometimes even painful. However, these situations help us appreciate the situations that are joyful. When the joyful times come around, I remember when it wasn't joyful, which helps me appreciate it more.

4. I cried for a day and then got up the next day.

It was only natural for me to be sad or emotional when things weren't going my way; however, emotions don't lead to success—progressive actions do. I sobbed like a toddler who'd had a toy taken away from her, but then I got up and focused my energy on how to deal with the situation. I made a decision to take action because my emotions wouldn't get me as far as my actions would.

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4 reasons why I don’t care if someone calls me fat anymore.

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After years of being at war with my body, I am finally at peace with it. After years of calling myself fat, throwing up my food, starving myself and being on every fad-diet that you could think of, I am finally at peace with this marvelous machine that God has blessed me with.

It took a while to get here but I am here. And, these are the reasons why I don’t care if people call me fat anymore:

1. Someone’s opinion of me is just an opinion.

This can be applied to anything; however, it resonates deeply with me about my weight. Growing up, I was a dancer and model. Two careers that depended on my weight. People’s opinions about my weight was so important to me because whether I was able to progress or not, depended on how much I weighed. Unfortunately, when I was done with being a model and dancer, that mindset stayed with me and I gave people’s opinions about my body power. Today, I have learnt to accept that the only opinion that matters about my body is my own and other people’s words are a projection of their minds onto me.

2. My body is doing great things that someone else’s eye can’t see.

We judge each other so heavily on what we look like, not really acknowledging the power that our bodies hold internally. The external overpowers the internal. When I was bulimic, I was so obsessed with looking great from the outside that the internal didn’t matter, which is a shame! Because I risked my health just to look good. When someone comments about my weight, I think about the torture that I put my body through and refuse to do it again. If I am healthy and strong, it is more than enough for me.

3. Health is first.

In October 2015, I was diagnosed with severe anemia and I was told that I would need a blood transfusion if my iron levels didn’t increase within a month otherwise my life was at risk. I was put on prescription pills and told to eat meat after being vegan, on-and-off, for over a year. I was distraught because being vegan was so important to me but I was on the verge of death. I reintroduced small amounts of meat into my diet and, as a result, I gained a lot of weight. Even my neighbour made a point to let me know. In the beginning, it saddened me that I was still being defined by my looks as a woman. But, then I remembered that I almost died and my body’s weight gain was a reminder of my strength. I decided to wear my weight as a trophy and rid myself of the societal pressures that I had previously conformed to.

4. I am light and love; not fat.

Recently I found out that an extended family member of mine had seen a picture of me on social media and told some people that I had gained weight. It astounds me that we are still stuck on casting judgements on others based on their appearances, when there are so many other positive things that we can say about each other. I reminded myself that I am light and I am love. And, no label is going to pull me down into negativity. No matter what anyone else says about me, I will continue to believe in my greatness.

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10 inspiring quotes from Dr. Wayne Dyer

Dr. Wayne Dyer was born in Detroit, Michigan. Although he sadly passed away in 2015, he left behind a legacy of ways to live your most authentic, peaceful and God-serving life. He has had an impact on my life.

And, I hope that he can do the same for you.

Here are 10 inspiring quotes from him:

1. ‘Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.’

2. ‘f you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.’

3. ‘When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.’

4. ‘You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with’

5. ‘Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.’

6. ‘How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.’

7. ‘Go for it now. The future is promised to no one.’

8. ‘Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.’

9. ‘When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way.’

10. ‘The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don't know anything about.’

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5 negative behaviours that I refuse to spend time on.

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When I look back on how I've dealt with difficult times in the past, I realize that I've spent a lot of wasted time on negative mindsets that haven't helped me progress. In fact, they did the opposite. I complicated many simple situations by overthinking, analyzing and ignoring signs that were right in front of me.

So I came up with a list of five negative behaviors that I wasted time indulging, and I won't waste time on them again:

1. Believing people who have insulted me.

We live in a wonderful world, but most of us have been hurt. People who have been hurt and cannot move past the hurt will try to hurt others, either intentionally or unintentionally. I've wasted a lot of time believing hurt people's insults, never realizing that people who were ready to insult me were ready to insult others too. Insults are rarely about the person who's being insulted; they're more about the person doing the insulting.

2. Convincing someone to love me.

I wasted time trying to convince a former partner of mine to love me. All that time spent waiting for him to call me back, hinting at him to buy me flowers and waiting for him to see how grateful he should've been to have me could've been spent on someone who genuinely appreciates me. Not only was I wasting time, but I was also subconsciously telling myself that I wasn't worth being loved. Ultimately, every single person is worth being loved.

3. Beating myself up about the past.

Whatever has happened is done. I used to spend a lot of time wanting to change what my behavior in the past. The clock moves forward, and wanting to change what has happened is impossible. All that time spent on looking in the past can be used to help me progress in my future. The future is something I can actually do something about.

4. Judging people on the decisions they've made.

I won't be happy with some people's decisions, and that's OK. I don't have to live with the consequences their own actions — they do. Time spent criticizing and judging someone else's decisions is time truly wasted. That time could have been used to help me progress in my own life. I can't control what others have done with their own lives, so there's no need to judge them based on my expectations and views on life.

5. Excusing selfish behavior.

I once had a friend who behaved in a way that seemed like she thought life was all about her. She would call me or want to see me only when she needed me to be there for her; however, when I asked the same from her, she would disappear. I wasted a lot of time convincing myself that she didn't intend to be selfish, and I excused her behavior because I feared losing a friend. After it all, I did lose her as a friend, and all that time I spent convincing myself that she wasn't being selfish could've been used on appreciating a friend who actually isn't selfish and gives me back what I give them.

Ungazibizi ngokuthi ungumvelo wezemvelo uma wenza lezizinto ezingu-4

isithombe ngemifanekiso ye-getty

Akungabazeki ukuthi sidinga ukuthatha ukunakekela okungaphezulu kwemvelo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyakholelwa ekushintsheni kwezulu noma cha, kunobuningi besayensi nobufakazi bokuphika ukuthi kukhona ukuguquguquka kwemvelo okuhlobene ngokuqondile nabantu abathintekayo kuyo.

Ngokuphelele, senze umphumela omubi emvelweni futhi sekuyisikhathi esenza ushintsho.

Uma ufuna ngempela ukushiya imvelo kangcono kunalokho owutholile, kunezinto eziningi ongayenza. Ikakhulu lezizinto ezintathu:

1. Phuza ngemifula epulasitiki.

Ama-straws ayenziwe ngepulasitiki futhi, ngokusho kwe-BBC, kusetshenziswe imifino eyi-8.5 billion ngonyaka. Lokho kuyizintambo eziningi! Okwenza izinsiza zibe yingozi kakhulu ukuthi kunzima ukuzihlaziya, ngokwemvelo zikwazi ukubola ngamagciwane. Ukusetshenziselwa nokusetshenziswa ngokweqile kwemifino kunomthelela oselwandle olugcwele umhlaba kanye nezilwane zasendle ezihlala kulezi zilwandle. I-Pollution Pollution Coalition yakhipha isihloko esithi ngonyaka odlule esho ukuthi bathole ama-penguin, ama-turtles nezinye izilwane ezincane zasendle ezigundwe noma ziboshwe yizintambo.

Isixazululo: Sebenzisa ama-straw avuselelwe yensimbi noma ungasebenzisi ama-straws nhlobo.

2.Drayivu yonke indawo

Ngicelwa ukubuza ukuthi kungani ngingenayo imoto ehlala eLos Angeles. Futhi, kimi, ikakhulukazi imvelo. Ngingowesifazane ongashadile futhi angifuni isidingo sokuba nemoto. Ikakhulukazi ngoba ngiyazi imiphumela emibi yokusebenzisa uphethiloli / igesi kwimvelo. Iqala ngenqubo yokuthola nokuhlanza uphethiloli onomthelela oqondile emvelweni njengoba kudala ukungcola komoya. Ukusetshenziswa kwephethiloli ezimotweni zethu kukhishwa imfucumfucu enobuthi emoyeni futhi kudala ukungcola komoya.

Isixazululo: Sebenzisa kuphela imoto yakho uma ikhona noma kuyoba okungenani abantu abathathu emotweni ukunciphisa ukukhishwa kwamathambo anobuthi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, bhala ku-senator yakho noma ephalamende ukuthola esinye isisombululo esisebenzayo sezimoto ongasisebenzisa esikhundleni sephethiloli / igesi njengezimoto ezinamandla asebusuku.

3. Ungabuyeli kabusha.

Ukubuyisela kabusha akuwona umsebenzi womunye umuntu; kungokwakho. Asikwazi ukulindela ukuthi abanye bavuselele futhi lapho sibonile imiphumela yezindleko zokungena komhlaba olwandle kanye nezilwane zasendle. Ukungabi khona kwemfucuza yokubuyisela kabusha kuqoqwe imfucuza ezindaweni eziphilayo. Uma sikwazi ukuphinda sisebenzise kabusha izidakamizwa njengepulasitiki, ikakhulukazi ukuthi singayisebenzisa kabusha futhi siyivimbele ekuthinteni indawo yethu yemvelo nemvelo.

Isixazululo: Buyisela kabusha futhi uhlanganise umquba ngangokunokwenzeka.

4. Thatha imvula isikhathi eside kunemizuzu emihlanu.

Kusobala ukuthi kukhona ukungabi namanzi asebenzisekayo. Ngakho-ke, lapho ngibona abantu bethatha amaminithi angu-10-30 emvula, kuyangidumaza. Isikhungo Sokulawulwa Kwezifo sithi kukhona abantu abayizigidi ezingu-780 abangenazo izinsiza zamanzi ezifanele njengamathrekhi emhlabeni. Impikiswano engiyivame ukuyizwa lapho ngichaza lokhu yilapho efika emadolobheni lokhu okwenzekayo ukwenza umehluko. Kodwa-ke, sabona emadolobheni afana neLos Angeles neKapa ukuthi, ukungabi namanzi kuyinkinga emhlabeni jikelele.

Isixazululo: Yehlisa imvula yakho emizuzwini engu-2-5 ngosuku futhi ugweme ukushiya ithompini isebenza uma ungayisebenzisi.

Don’t call yourself an environmentalist if you do these things 4 things.

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There is no doubt that we need to take more care of the environment. Whether you believe in Climate change or not, there is too much scientific and physical evidence to deny that there is a shift in the environment which is directly related to human-beings effect on it.

As a whole, we have had a negative effect on the environment and it’s time that we make a change.

If you truly want to leave the environment better than you found it, there are many things that you can do. Particularly these three things:

1. Drink through plastic straws.

Straws are made of plastic and, according to BBC, 8.5 billion straws are used per year. That is a lot of straws! What makes straws so harmful is that they are difficult to biodegrade, naturally able to be decomposed by bacteria. The use and overuse of straws has an effect on landfilled oceans as well as the wildlife living in these oceans. The Plastic Pollution Coalition released an article last year stating that they had found penguins, turtles and other small wildlife choked or trapped by straws.

Solution: Use metal reusable straws or don’t use straws at all.

2. Drive everywhere

I get asked often why I don’t have a car living in Los Angeles. And, for me, it’s mostly for the environment. I am a single woman and don’t feel the necessity of having a car. Particularly because I know the negative effects of using petrol/ gas on the environment. It starts with the process of finding and refining petrol that has a direct impact on the environment as it creates air pollution. The use of petrol in our cars emits toxic fumes into the air and creates air pollution.

Solution: Only use your car if there are or will be at least 3 people in the car to reduce emission toxic fumes. Furthermore, write to your senator or parliament to find out another feasible solution for cars to use instead of petrol/gas like solar-powered cars.

3. Don’t recycle. 

Recycling isn’t someone else’s job; it is yours. We can’t expect others to recycle for us when we have seen the effects of landfills on the oceans and the wildlife. Lack of recycling waste accumulated the waste in natural areas. The more that we are able to recycle wastes like plastic, the more that we can efficiently reuse it and prevent it from affecting our natural habitats and environment.

Solution: Recycle and compost as much as you can.

4. Take showers longer than 5 minutes.

It is clear that there is a lack of useable water. So, when I see people taking 10-30 minute showers, it disappoints me. The Centre for Disease Control says that there are 780 million people without proper water resources like taps in the world. The argument that I often hear when I explain this is that it is up to the cities that this is happening in to make a difference. However, we saw in cities like Los Angeles and Cape Town that, lack of water is a worldwide problem.

Solution: Limit your showers to 2-5 minutes a day and avoid leaving the tap running when you are not using it.

10 choses que je refuse de déterminer ma valeur.

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Honnêtement parlant, je dois me rappeler chaque jour d'où vient ma valeur. Il est facile de croire que notre valeur est déterminée par ce que nous avons, qui nous date et combien d'argent nous gagnons.

Cependant, nous déterminons notre estime de soi.

Ce sont les 12 choses que je refuse de déterminer ma valeur:

1. Argent.

Parce que l'argent va et vient.

2. Hommes.

Je n'ai pas besoin d'un homme pour m'aimer pour savoir que l'amour existe.

3. Ma couleur de peau.

Que ce soit clair ou sombre. Ma peau mérite d'être appréciée pour tout ce qu'elle fait.

4. Mon genre.

Tout est une question d'égalité.

5. Ma nationalité.

Nous méritons tous d'être traités humainement.

6. Ma couleur de cheveux.

Qu'elle soit naturelle ou teinte, la coiffure est un choix.

7. Mon travail.

Parce que les emplois vont et viennent.

8. Mes échecs.

Il y avait toujours une leçon à y trouver.

9. Mes problèmes.

Les problèmes m'ont appris quelque chose.

10. Matériaux et regards.

Nos âmes sont plus profondes que ce que seul l'œil peut voir.

10 things that I refuse to determine my worth

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Honestly speaking, I have to remind myself daily where my worth comes from. It’s easy to believe that our worth is determined by what we have, who we date and how much money we make.

However, we determine our self-worth.

These are the 12 things that I refuse to determine my worth:

1. Money.

Because money comes and goes.

2. Men.

I don’t need a man to love me to know that love exists.

3. My skin colour.

Whether light or dark. My skin deserve to be appreciated for everything that it does.

4. My gender.

It’s all about equality.

5. My nationality.

We all deserve to be treated humanely.

6. My hair colour.

Whether natural or dyed, hair-ware is a choice.

7. My job.

Because jobs come and go.

8. My failures.

There was always a lesson to be found in them.

9. My problems.

Problems taught me something.

10. Materials and looks.

Our souls are deeper than what only the eye can see.

Izinto ezidingekayo ukufundisa izingane zakho, omunye nomunye nathi.

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Ngikhathazekile ngokuthi sihamba kuphi njengomuntu, ngokujwayelekile. Kubonakala sengathi sesizwele, sibhekene nento yonke futhi silungele ukuhlaselwa komunye nomunye Ukusuka ku-Twitter kuya emigwaqweni, sivame ukukhetha ukungabi nandaba nokuhlukanisa phezu kothando, ukwamukelwa nokuzwelana. Ngibize ngidala kodwa ngikholelwa ekuthetheleleni, ukuthula, ukuba nomusa nokukhetha uthando. Futhi yilokhu engicabanga ukuthi kufanele sizifundise thina, omunye nomunye nezingane zethu:

1. Yiba pro-umuntu! Hlanganisa endleleni yakho enenkululeko, ubulungiswa kanye nenkululeko.

2. Yamukela ukuthi abantu bakhetha ukuzimela kanjani.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umuntu ukhetha ukugqoka izinwele zakhe eqondile, ezihlotshisiwe, ezibomvu, ezimhlophe noma eziluhlaza, zamukela ukuthi umzimba wazo futhi zikhetha ukuzimela ngendlela ethile. Indlela abaye bakhetha ukwenza ngayo akuyona yebhizinisi lakho.

3. Imali akuyona ukuphela konke kube konke. Yebo, imali inhle. Kodwa namanje ujabulele impilo yakho. Ukuphila kufana nokulinganisela futhi nakuba ungadinga imali ukuze uphile, akudingeki ukuba uphile ngemali.

4. Okunye ukulwa akufanelekile ukulwa. Kungenxa yokuthi siphila esikhathini esiye sabalalisa futhi samukela ukulwa njengendlela evamile, akusho ukuthi udinga ukufaka isandla kulo. Khetha ukuthi ufuna ukulwa nani. Awukwazi ukulwa nawo wonke umuntu nakho konke.

5. Kukhona okwanele ukuba wonke umuntu azungeze. Sinalo mqondo wokuntuleka, okuyinto yokwenza ukwesaba. Futhi, ukwesaba okuphambene nothando. Sivela othandweni nothando yi-vibration enamandla kakhulu; ngakho-ke leyo mbono ayiyona enembile. Sonke singaphumelela. Ngokuningi kwethu okuphumelelayo, okunye kuzoba khona ukuhamba nxazonke.

6. Singaphakanyiswa phezulu. Kwanele ngokubuka abanye abantu behlupheka futhi bengabasiza abanye ngokwanele ngokuhaha. Uma uthola, unike! Uma ufunda, fundisa!

7. Yiba nomusa.

Kuyinto elula futhi ikushiye kabi-Karma mahhala.

8. Lalela.

Umsindo wezwi lakho uyanxusa emva kwesikhathi. Ngezinye izikhathi, kungcono ukulalela kuphela.

9. Ukusekela abanye abantu ensimini yakho. Siva-me ukucabanga ngabantu abasembonini efanayo nathi njengomncintiswano. Noma kunjalo, ingaba umthombo wakho wokusekela, ngokuphambene nalokho.

9. Phila namuhla!

Okudlulile kwenziwa futhi ikusasa alithembiswanga. Namuhla usuku okufanele uphile ngalo, wamukele!

10. Awudingi ukufakazela ukuthi yini oyithandayo. Ufanelwe uthando njengoba nje ukhona. Asikho isidingo sokufakazela ukuthi ufanelwe, usuvele ukhona.

11. Hlalani nivulekile.

Kunzima ngezinye izikhathi. Kodwa, ukuphila kungcono ukubonwa nge-lens ecacile; akekho owodwa oshiwo yilokho abantu abakusho ngaphambili futhi bacabanga ngawe.

12. Uthethelele!

Asikho isidingo sokubamba endleleni oye waphathwa ngayo noma lokho abantu abakushoyo ngawe. Kuyeke kuhambe!

13. Nika konke!

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi othandweni, emsebenzini noma empilweni, unike konke! Ngaleyo ndlela uyazi ukuthi wenze okusemandleni akho!

14. Awudingi ukukhamuluka ukuzwa. Ngezinye izikhathi ukuthula kungakhuluma okuningi.

15. Vuka ngenhla. 

Ukuphakama ngenhla kwabazondayo, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwamazwana aphikisayo, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwezimo, ukuphakama ngaphezu kokungabaza, ukuphakama ngaphezu kokwesaba, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwesahlulelo, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwezitha, ukukhuphukela ngaphezu kokulimala, ukuphakama ngaphezu kwezenzo eziphezulu nokuphakama ngaphezu kobuhlungu.

15 things we need to teach each other, ourselves and our kids.

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I’m concerned about where we are headed as humanity, in general. It seems like we have become sensitive, bothered about everything and ready to attack each other - at the drop of a hat.

From Twitter to the streets, we tend to choose negativity and divisiveness over love, acceptance and compassion.

Call me old-fashioned but I believe in forgiveness, peace, being kind and choosing love. And this is what I think we should be teaching ourselves, each other and our kids:

1. Be pro-human!
Be inclusive in your path to freedom, justice and liberation.

2. Accept how people choose to represent themselves.

Whether someone chooses to wear their hair straight, curly, brown, blonde or green, accept that it’s their body and they are choosing to represent themselves a certain way. How they have chosen to do so is none of your business.

3. Money is not the end all be all.
Yes, money is nice. But still enjoy your life. Life is about balance and although you may need money to live, you don’t need to live for money.

4. Some fights are not worth fighting.
Just because we are living in an era that has popularized and accepted fighting as the norm, doesn’t mean that you need to contribute to it. Choose what you want to fight over. You can’t fight everyone and everything.

5. There is enough for everyone to go around.

We have this idea of scarcity, which is a fabrication of fear. And, fear is the opposite of love. We came from love and love is the most powerful vibration; therefore that idea is not accurate. We can all succeed. The more of us that succeed, the more there is to go around.

6. We can lift each other up.

Enough with watching other people suffer and not helping others and enough with the greed. When you get, give! When you learn, teach!

7. Be kind.

It’s simple and leaves you negative-Karma free.

8. Listen.

The sound of your voice gets annoying after sometime. Sometimes, it’s best just to listen.

9. Support other people in your field.

We often think of people being in the same industry as us as competition. However, they can be your source of support, vice versa.

9. Live today!

The past is done and the future is not promised. Today is the day that you have to live, embrace it!

10. You don’t need to prove anything to be loved.

You deserve love just as you are. No need to prove that you are worthy, you already are.

11. Stay open.

It’s difficult sometimes. But, life is better to be seen through a clear lens; not one clouded by what people have previously said and thought about you.

12. Forgive!

There’s no need to hold on to the way that you have been treated or what people have said about you. Let it go!

13. Give your all!

Whether it’s in love, work or health, give your all! That way you know that you did your very best!

14. You don’t have to shout to heard.

Sometimes silence can speak volumes.

15. Rise above.

Rise above haters, rise above negative comments, rise above circumstances, rise above doubt, rise above fear, rise above judgement, rise above enemies, rise above hurt, rise above mediocrity and rise above pain.

4 things that I have learnt to accept

I love getting older. I spent so much of my late teens and early twenties feeling insecure, making mistakes and making a fool out of myself. I have no regrets and over those years, I have learnt to accept these four things:

1. Your intuition is real.

Insecurity is often coupled with doubt. When I was younger, I was doubtful about a lot of things regarding who I was and signs related to the path that I should take in my life. If I met people with energy that I felt was needy, disingenuous or mean-spirited, I would cover it up with, ‘Don’t be silly’ or, ‘Maybe I’m exaggerating it?’ However, now I know to accept people and things as they are. Intuition is looking out for me and it whispers today and screams in a few months- I might as well listen to the whispers.

2. No man is worth chasing.
Ridiculously, this took me 5 years in a relationship with a man who was inconsiderate and selfish to realize this. He was the King of playing chess with my emotions. To be frank, I have only made peace with it and him this year. We met when I was 21 and when I was younger, I chased the idea of him as I was under the impression that people in a love-situation are worth fighting for. However, the person that you are in a relationship with should be fighting too; not only you. I know now that if the person you love isn’t putting in the effort like you are, let it go. Being alone is better than crying and agonizing over someone who is playing games with you.

3. Belief is powerful.

Whether it’s self-belief or belief that you will get a job or an apartment, you need to believe in order for it to happen. Belief reminds the universe that you are on the same page and reminds you that you are able. Across all religions and spiritual texts, they reference to the power of belief because belief is the first and most important part in being better and doing better.

4. Not everyone will like you.

This can be painful to accept but once you do, it is very liberating. I’ve never really been a suck-up; however, people not liking me used to bother me. I would need to prove to people that I was worthy. I often tell people the story of when I had someone that didn’t like me take my yoga class a few years ago, she decided in 5 minutes of the class that she didn’t want to take it- so she left. She cursed at me behind the door that I shut after her and complained about me to the girl working front desk that evening. Once she left, I made a decision to let her go because I had over 30 other people in the room. I could focus on her or focus on the people who are enjoying my class- this lesson has transferred to all areas of my life. I no longer have a need to seek approval from people who don’t like me because I am enough, with or without other people’s approval.

12 more reasons why I still forgive

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Forgiveness is not easy; but necessary. When people or circumstances do us wrong, our egos can play the victim and past hurts come to the surface. Which can make it difficult to see the light that occurs once you forgive.

The light once you forgive someone or something could be your freedom, ability to find peace or that you can move on with life. Forgiveness is important and this is why:

1. I forgive because it is time.

2. I forgive because at some point, I have to let it go.

3. I forgive because I want to see what’s on the other side of forgiveness.

4. I forgive because there is an end to everything, including anger, resentment and despair.

5. I forgive because who wants to hold onto baggage?

6. I forgive because stepping forward feels more natural than going in reverse.

7. I forgive because letting go is powerful.

8. I forgive because I don’t want it anymore.

9. I forgive because I want my power back.

10. I forgive because progress is a choice.

11. I forgive because like Ghandi said, ‘an eye for an eye leaves the world blind’

12. I forgive because I want to embody peace, love and happiness; not rage, resentment and anger.

7 ways to lift your self-esteem

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In the past year I've really learned what it means to have self-worth. I am finding out more and more that when you can appreciate yourself it is a true blessing.

I thought that I would share a few ways that helped me raise my self-esteem:

1. Learn to say "no."

This way, when you say yes it's for things that are meaningful. When you learn to say no to things and people, it helps you prioritize and remember what's in your best interest. You also begin to like and appreciate yourself for having your own back. The reality is that only you can have your back because, you're the only person who can know what you truly want.

2. Forgive yourself!

The only way to move beyond the past is to let go of it. We all make mistakes, but holding on to them, or telling yourself how badly you've done won't help you achieve anything positive in your life. Let go of the judgment and nasty names that you've called yourself, and move forward.

3. Limit your apologies only for when you hurt people.

Only say sorry when you've hurt someone. When you continuously say sorry for making mistakes, you're basically apologizing for living. Everyone makes mistakes in life — that's a guarantee. It's nothing to be apologetic about. It also makes your apology to someone you've hurt more meaningful and special because you aren't throwing around the word a lot.

4. Respect yourself.

When you respect yourself, the attitude seeps into to all areas of your life. It means that what you put in your mouth, what you tell yourself and what you do all have healthy benefits to you and your body. Feeling guilty and ashamed isn't a form of respect. So steer away from things that make you feel that way. Put things in your body and mind that make you feel good about yourself and proud of your decisions.

5. Set up clear boundaries for people in your life.

People treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you allow chaos and drama into your life, that's what you'll get. If you allow happiness and joy into your life, you'll get that instead! You deserve to be respected, and only you can initiate this by telling yourself and others what you do and don't appreciate in your life.

6. Surround yourself with people who are positive influences.

People who are negative tend to be a drag to be around. It can be exhausting to deal with people that see the worst in everything. One of the great things about life is that you can decide who you want to be in your life. You deserve people in your life who will lift you up with positivity, and you deserve to lift others up with positivity, too.

7. Smile at yourself in the mirror.

If you want to be mean to yourself, then by all means, go ahead and wish you could be better-looking, call yourself hurtful names and tell yourself that you're unworthy of love. However, if you want to be kind to yourself, start by smiling. Just smile at yourself and you will begin a positive and healthy relationship with yourself.

4 reasons why I’ll never pick up a gossip magazine

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The first time that I read a gossip magazine, I found solace in the fact that the celebrities that looked perfect on magazine covers looked worse than I did without the retouching and hours of makeup.

However, over a few years I've changed my perspective on reading gossip magazines. Six years ago I gave up reading them completely; this is why:

1. Pointing out someone else's imperfections contributes negativity to the world.

Tabloids hardly ever have something nice to say about someone, and in fact promote themselves through negativity. By reading them, I am contributing to the negativity of the world because I have decided to invest my time and money into putting other people down.

2. Putting others down doesn't make me a better person. It does the opposite.

Putting other people down to make myself feel better won't lift up my self-esteem or contribute anything positive into my life. My former insecure self wasn't pleased enough with herself to celebrate other people's success, so I found pleasure in seeing others fail or look bad. Which didn't do anything other than feed my ego and keep me in a cycle of negativity.

3. Being mean doesn't lead to success.

Judging and criticizing celebrities didn't lead to progression or success in my life. Putting people down won't suddenly give me everything that I hoped for. The only thing it does is feed my mind and soul with negativity. I decided to come to terms with the fact that all the time and energy I was spending on reading these magazines could be spent on something that will bring a positive result. Gossiping, judging and criticizing won't get me anywhere down the road that I want to go down.

4. Reading gossip magazines contributes to the "Mean Girl" society.

When kids do it, it's seen as bullying. Just because I wasn't speaking directly to the people that I was criticizing, it's still a form of bullying because I was putting down others to make myself feel better about who I was. However, that pleasure doesn't last. Long-lasting and true pleasure comes from being good and doing good for others, so that I can be proud of what I've done and how I have treated people as a whole

My happiness is not at the expense of someone else's downfalls.

4 reasons why it’s time for you to stop being nasty and jealous about and towards other people.

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I can’t speak to how everyone has been raised. However, as a society, we are not promoted to be happy for each other and support one another.

If we were, platforms like Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and Instagram would not thrive off of negativity. Over and over, we see people leaving nasty comments on other people’s feeds and twitter ‘rants’ and ‘wars’ have become the norm.

It is clearly up to each and every one of us to go against this way of life and choose to be happy and supportive for others.

This is why:

1. ‘An eye for an eye leaves the world blind’- Mahatma Ghandi.

I’m a firm-believer in having boundaries and standing up for yourself; however, there is a difference between standing up for yourself and just being plain nasty. If you find yourself constantly feeling as though you need to stand up for yourself, you could just be being nasty. Take the initiative to be kind and caring without waiting for others to do it first. Responsive actions only make you feel more of a victim.

2. Being a nasty and jealous person only  attracts nasty and jealous people in your life.

If you are finding yourself surrounded by people and friends who are not supportive and jealous, ask yourself if you are truly happy for others. We attract what we allow. So, if you have allowed yourself to perpetually be jealous every time that someone in your life is doing well, take a look at yourself and change your patterns. That also goes for how you speak to others: if you have allowed yourself to speak to others like they are below you, don’t be surprised when you are surrounded people who do the same. Negativity is energy and until you create new habits, you will continue to attract friends of a similar nature.

3. ‘Nobody likes a Debbie Downer’

A friend of an ex-boyfriend of mine told me this. And, it truly resonated with me. After she said it, I had an image of someone who is negative, sitting alone and being isolated by their negativity. We all know someone, or are that someone, who constantly talks about themselves and that something is always happening to them, the ‘victim’.But, you don’t see people running to be around these victim types.They are often chasing down others to be a part of their lives because people rarely want to be around then and their energy. When I was in a toxic-relationship, it consumed me and all that I could do was talk about what was going wrong and how much of a victim I was . I noticed that a lot of friends disappeared and I blamed them. Now, I see that other people have their own problems and I don’t need to add to others problems, I can deal with my own and ask for advice from time-to-time but not all the time.

4. Use your energy on what you need to.

Emotions can be very powerful and I believe that they carry a lot of energy. So, instead of using that energy to defeat you and lead into a cycle of blame, use that energy to help you progress to where you want to be. When you see someone succeed, be happy for them and remind yourself that yours is coming. Sometimes people that you know succeed to remind you that it is obtainable; not impossible.

10 small acts of kindness that you can practice everyday

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The Dalai Lama famously said, "My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."

Whether you're religious or not, kindness can go a long way toward improving your overall state of mind and sense of happiness. Here are ways that you can practice kindness in your daily lives:

1. Ask your roommate or neighbor how they're doing.

Maybe they need someone to talk to, maybe they feel alone or maybe they just wanted someone to ask them that simple question. It might mean a lot to them.

2. Smile at a cashier or vendor.

When you work long hours interacting with the public, you often come into contact with less-than-pleasant people. A simple smile can improve a worker's day immensely.

3. Tip at least 20%.

If you have the money to go out and have dinner, you can spare a bit extra to leave a decent tip. While money isn't the cure for sadness, an extra couple of bucks might help out with a metro card or a phone bill. You never know when your generosity will be needed.

4. Compliment yourself!

Your love comes from the inside and is shared to others. The only way that you can truly spread love to others is by loving yourself first.

5. Offer a friend an ear just to listen.

Yes, just listen! Your friend might not need to hear what you have to say. They might need you to just sit and listen without judgment or criticism.

6. Move to the side.

There's no need to stand in front of a pathway so that others can't get through. The only thing this action achieves is frustration by those wanting to get past you. If creating frustration is your goal, stand in the way! However, if you want to be kind to others, move to the side and let others pass by.

7. Let someone go ahead of you.

Holding a door open and allowing someone to step ahead of you is a nice reminder that the world doesn't have to revolve around you and where you want to go. It is a simple act of consideration.

8. Use your cellphone considerately.

It's a sad state of affairs when a loved one tries to have a heart-to-heart conversation, only to be met with a distracted, inattentive response. Put your phone away! Have some quality time with your loved ones and surroundings.

9. Let people be!

Judging and criticizing someone unnecessarily can be hurtful for the person who is being judged. Life can be challenging as it is. Why make someone's life harder by adding negativity that doesn't have to be there?

10. Say thank you!

Gratitude is not only for the person you're thanking, but also for the one doing the thanking. Gratitude can remind you how fortunate you have been to have received something that is worth saying thank you to in the first place.

Why I won’t wait for my father to apologize

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My parents went through a dragged-out divorce. Then my father vanished out of my life on my 15th birthday. Before he disappeared that day, he told me that he would bring me the best gift. Fourteen years later, he still hasn't fulfilled that promise.

I spent some time being angry at him and at all men. I sang the songs about how unreliable men were, and took out my pain and anger out on people and things around me. But being angry and full of pain is weighty and self-destructive.

I finally came to peace with him when I realized that it wasn't doing me any good to be angry at him. He's no longer in my life, so there's no need to wait for his apology.

I have forgiven him. I need not wait for his apology to forgive him, here are the reasons why:

1. If I hate him, I hate myself.

People who knew my father would often say, "You look just like your father!" I would reply with anger because I didn't want to be anything like him. I wanted to look like my mother, the woman who did her best to keep our family together; not the man who left three little girls broken-hearted. The truth is that a part of him makes up who I am. If I'm angry at him, I'll subconsciously dislike myself.

After I released my anger, I was OK with looking like him — because I do look like him, and I can't change what I look like. I released my anger for him so that I could completely love who I am.

2. Parents are examples, not perfect examples.

We all make mistakes. Unfortunately, my parent's relationship didn't work out. The details are none of my business. I could judge him and think of other ways that he could've lived his life, but what happened, happened. Once I became an adult, I started to understand more how children who are a result of a complicated relationship can suffer because of the pride and drama that occurs in that kind of relationship. I can sit and cry about it or get on with my beautiful life.

3. Being angry with him was hurting my relationships with men.

For a long time I believed that men were unable to fulfill their promises. My father was the king of unfulfilled promises. I went into relationships believing that I would be lied to, because my father had lied to me so many times. I had no trust in the male race, which left no room for me to trust my former partners. Forgiving my father allows me to give relationships with men a chance. What happened to me isn't my or my partner's fault so there's no need to take out my past on my current romantic relationships. I want to give myself a chance to love without living through the burden of what has happened to me.

4. Blaming someone else stops me from being productive in my life.

When I was angry at my father, other areas of my life were full of drama and negativity. I would blame bad school results and bad behavior on my father. Blaming him didn't help me progress; it kept me in turmoil and dramatic situations. I created a dramatic life and blamed all of it on a person who wasn't even there to take the blame. I came to realize that blaming was only allowing me to play the victim. My life is a blessing, and I take full responsibility for my actions or play the victim. I can't control my life if I constantly blame things that I do on someone who's hurt me.

‘How do I embrace this new love safely?’

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Dear Hali,

Meditation seems so hard for me. I’ve tried so many of them but I still find it so hard to be still. I’ve been meditation for the past three months and get so frustrated with myself. Please help!

Love Gabby,

Hi Gabby,

Hope you are well!

Yes! Meditation can be a lot for the mind. Particularly because we are so used to letting our mind run our lives but I can guarantee you that meditation gets easier with practice and with time. I highly recommend being patient with your body and mind. Also, please keep in mind that meditating is a journey, there is no end result. You don’t need to jump to the finish line. It’s all about embracing the moment, no matter how difficult or challenging it may be. I also recommend starting with short meditations so that your mind has less of a reason to freak out or be intimidated.

Love Hali,

Dear Hali,

I have met someone that I am interested in. Both of us have expressed interest; however, I am afraid of embracing him because of my past. I have dated a lot of abusive men who made me feel less than. I’m afraid that I will end up like I did before. How do I embrace this new love safely?

All yours,

Lucy

Hi Lucy,

Hope you are well!

Ah, yes! I feel like The Universe always sends us what we need to hear. I, too, have met someone who I am interested in. This man is everything that I have ever wanted and it’s nerve-wracking knowing that the feeling might not be reciprocated. I honestly was battling with it lately and was wondering if it was worth giving a chance but I came to the conclusion that love is always worth giving a chance. Looking back at my past relationships, I don’t regret giving or receiving love. Love is always worth it because on the other end is either a partnership with someone who is worthy or a lesson that is worth learning. So, I have decided to embrace this new love and love him as though I have never been hurt because we all deserve that. He doesn’t deserve my past hurt. He deserves the best version of me, that has forgiven and healed. My past hurt is not getting in the way of a beautiful future and, neither should yours.

Hope this helps <3

Hali

What I am grateful for!

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Gratitude is an important practice. It allows for abundance and allows us to trust The Higher Being. It also allows us to have faith and take ourselves out of worry, panic and anxiety because you can’t be fearful and grateful at the same time.

Like Oprah Winfrey has said, ‘I got everything because I practiced gratitude’

Here are 12 things that I am grateful for:

1. Love

We come from it and are made up of it. Love is the most powerful energy circulating around and through us. I am grateful for the chance to love myself, those around me and the nature that I see around me.

2. The Creator

Whether you believe in God, The Universe or another word for it, it is apparent that there is a source that has created us and guides us in the right direction. I have been placed in some of the most dangerous, hurtful or precarious situations and have always found a way out. I am grateful to The Creator for this.

3. The signs sent by The Divine

There are signs all around us. One of my most vivid signs happened to me when I was 23 and I was almost arrested, I began to pray and 3 people appeared to help me out. Signs are sent to us for us to become greater beings and I am grateful for them.

4. My family

They have taught me so much, mostly unconditional love. When I have thought that I wasn’t worthy of love, my family proved that to be different.

5. Previous heartbreak

The first time that I experienced true heartbreak, I wasn’t so grateful for it. However, ten years later, I am grateful for it. Although it happened in the most hurtful way, I learnt, am stronger and won’t put my self in that situation again. I am grateful.

6. Yoga

Yoga has allowed me to internally transform into the person that I want to be. A person filled with love, gratitude and an understanding of other people. Yoga has helped me see the trueness of people and accept all aspects of others and myself. Yoga has helped me progress step-by-step. I am grateful.

7. SoulCycle

Have you been to a class? What is there not to be grateful for?

8. Meditation

I have the ability to start and end my day afresh. Meditation keeps our vibrations high and in line with our purpose.

9. Challenges and difficulty.

It is in tough moments that what I am made of is truly revealed. And, once it’s done, I feel stronger and know that I am stronger because I have conquered what I thought I wasn’t able to.

How I made peace with my body.

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I spent nearly two decades at war with my body. I would wake up to an image in the mirror and I would fight what I saw. I would wish for differently colored eyes, a skinnier body, a narrow nose, thinner lips, lighter skin, smaller thighs, a taller frame, less freckles ... the list was endless.

I wasted a lot of time and energy wanting to look like someone else. I didn't believe compliments, and I even told some people they were wrong if they complimented me. I was fighting a war that I could never win because as long as I was unhappy with what I looked like, I was losing out.

But I finally found peace with my body, and this is how:

1. I stopped comparing myself to the impossible.

I took a look at a magazine cover with an actress who looked like no one I'd ever seen before. She had no wrinkles, no blemishes and she had dropped about three sizes from when I had seen her in an interview the week before. It looked impossible for someone to change their appearance so drastically naturally. That's what I'd been comparing myself to, to people who have either been airbrushed or had plastic surgery.

I gave myself two extreme ultimatums: either get plastic surgery, or start appreciating who I am. Luckily, I'm afraid of needles, so I opted for the latter and started to appreciate who I am. I suddenly found no point in wanting to look like someone who doesn't look natural. As a result, I found true love for myself because that was more possible than looking like the image on the magazine cover.

2. I got tired of putting my body through torture.

The previous war I'd waged on my body consisted of telling myself that I didn't deserve to eat because I had to have smaller thighs by a certain time. I would punish and torture myself so much that even when I reached my goal weight, I wasn't happy with myself because I'd verbally abused myself. Who likes a verbally abusive person? The irony is that I was abusing myself, and through the abuse I continued the cycle feeling badly about my body. As long as I was abusing myself, I wouldn't love myself or my accept my body.

3.Istarted practicing yoga consistently.

One of the things that I love so much aboutyogais that it teaches the beautiful work that our bodies do for us without our realizing it. It also teaches you that what you give your body is what you will receive back. The "yoga high" after class is a result of treating your body well. I developed a great relationship with my body since starting yoga, and I've realized that all that time spent being unhappy can be used on better thoughts. Thoughts that will enlighten me, not bring me down. I realized that I'm only ever able to appreciate the beauty around me if I am at peace with who I am and happy with the body that I've been blessed with.