What it took to get to me- August 2020

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What it took to get to me- August 2020

It took me accepting God’s will

To get to me

It took me forgiving my Parents 

To get to me

It took me healing my inner-child 

To get to me

It took me releasing the need to impose my opinion on others

To get to me

It took me being still

To get to me

It took me embracing my Soul family 

To get to me

It took me understanding that happiness is a practice

To get to me

It took me appreciating Divine Masculinity 

To get to me

It took me allowing myself to be lead

To get to me

It took me giving up the idea that I know everything 

To get to me 

9 condiciones que libero para vivir una vida pacífica.

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Queremos admitirlo o no, el mundo necesita curación y comienza con la curación individual que conducirá a la elevación consciente al entrar en la Era de Acuario Plena.

Durante los próximos dos mil años aproximadamente, llegaremos a comprender completamente esta terminología y será magnífica. Una de las prácticas imperativas para la curación individual es la autoconciencia porque cuando nos damos cuenta de cómo hacemos las cosas podemos seguir haciéndolas de la misma manera o soltar esa forma condicionada de hacer las cosas, sin culpa ni enojo pero con amor y paciencia.

El año pasado, estuve liberando condiciones que adquirí a través del trauma generacional. Y se ha sentido bien liberar un equipaje que no era mío, pero me aferré de todos modos.

Aquí hay 9 condiciones que libero para vivir una vida pacífica:

1. Que familia puede tratarme como quiera porque somos sangre.

2. Que el amor se trata de sonreír todo el tiempo.

3. Que necesito odiar y culpar continuamente a los hombres como mujer.

4. Que necesito llevarme bien con todas las mujeres del planeta, incluso si me tratan mal.

5. Que soy un seguidor.

6. Que las respuestas que busco están en todas partes menos dentro.

7. Que necesito ser elegido por otra persona para tener éxito.

8. Que soy indigno de bondad, amor incondicional y respeto genuino.
9. Que alguien más sepa lo que es mejor para mí. Realiza aquí nuestros cursos de iluminación y elevación interior

9 Conditions that I have released to live in peace.

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Whether we want to admit it or not, The World needs healing and it starts with individual healing that will lead to conscious elevation as we enter The Full Aquarius Age. For the next approximately two thousand years, we will come to fully understand this terminology and it will be magnificent. 

One of the imperative practices to individual healing is self-awareness because when we become aware of how we do things we can continue to do them the same or release that conditioned way of doing things, without guilt and anger but with love and patience. 

This past year, I have been releasing conditions that I have acquired through generational trauma. And, it has felt good to release baggage that wasn’t mine but I held on to anyway. 

Here are 9 conditions that I release to live a peaceful life: 

1. That family can treat me however they want to because we are blood. 

2. That love is about smiling all the time. 

3. That I need to hate and continuously blame men as a woman. 

4. That I need to get along with every women on The Planet, even if they treat me badly. 

5. That I am a follower. 

6. That the answers I seek are everywhere else but within. 

7. That I need to be chosen by someone else to be successful. 

8. That I am unworthy of kindness, unconditional love and genuine respect. 

9. That someone else knows what is best for me.  

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4 cosas más que estoy sanando de generacional trauma.

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Durante el año pasado, tuve la fortuna de curarme inmensamente y estoy muy agradecido. Solía ​​pensar que la curación se trataba de lo que estaba pasando en ese momento hasta que conocí a mi pareja más reciente, que tenía tendencias narcisistas. Pasé un tiempo culpándolo hasta que tuve que entender cómo lo había permitido y qué me había llevado a ese punto.

Cuando comencé a profundizar en la curación de esa relación, muchas cosas salieron a la superficie y así comenzó mi curación. Siempre estamos en proceso de curación; sin embargo, podemos reconocer cómo nos hemos curado hasta ahora. Aquí hay 4 traumas generacionales de los que me estoy recuperando:

1. Pensar que la feminidad es débil. Ponemos mucho énfasis en la toxicidad masculina y puede ser perjudicial para la sociedad. Sin embargo, hacemos que parezca que las mujeres o la energía femenina son débiles e incapaces de destrucción; esto no es cierto. Lo femenino divino es muy poderoso y una vez que nos curamos, podemos aprovechar esa energía que es la de rendirnos, confiar y ser guiados. Me enorgullece decir que gran parte de mi energía es la de rendirme y permitir. Quiero que una energía masculina divina entre en mi vida y asuma un papel de liderazgo. Para que podamos crear magia juntos, lo divino femenino y lo divino masculino.

2. Dejar el culto femenino.

Fui a una escuela para niñas durante la mayor parte de mi vida y fue una de las peores experiencias por las que he pasado. Me intimidaron para que pensara como los demás, me dijeron que estaba gorda y que cuando me comportaba de manera diferente, me ridiculizaban. Ir a esta escuela me introdujo en el culto social femenino que muchas de nosotras promovemos sin que lo reconozcamos. Yo también he sido una matona y un ejemplo de cómo una energía femenina tóxica se encarna a sí misma y fue solo hasta que acepté que era una fuerza destructiva que pude cambiar mis caminos. Dejé el grupo pensando que las mujeres deben permanecer siempre juntas o que una mujer no puede hacer nada malo porque eso me permitió actuar de manera dañina y aceptar un comportamiento dañino.

3. Pensar que los de la Madre son un regalo de Dios a la tierra. Si me hubieras dicho hace un año que elegiría no tener a mi Madre en mi vida, te habría preguntado qué te pasa. Es interesante que mi curación me haya llevado a perdonar a mis padres y a decidir no tener más a mi Madre en mi vida. Parece una decisión dura; sin embargo, llega un momento en nuestras vidas en el que tenemos que decidir qué es bueno para nosotros y cuando terminamos de luchar y soportar el abuso emocional de los demás. Como sociedad, nos centramos en las meteduras de pata de nuestros padres, pero tenemos demasiado miedo de admitir las duras verdades de las madres. La mayoría son manipuladores, descorteses y están tratando de que sus hijos sean como ellos quieren que sean y no como Dios quiere que sean. Las cosas más malas que alguien me ha dicho han salido de la boca de mi Madre y por eso ha tratado de callarme manipulándome y retratándome como una mala persona. Sin embargo, estoy tan en paz con quien soy y las decisiones que he tomado que perdoné, dije mi verdad y la dejé pasar. Si estamos realmente en paz con nosotros mismos, no necesitamos obligar a nadie a pensar de cierta manera. Nos encanta cómo pensamos y nos encanta cómo piensan los demás. Eso es amor verdadero.

4. Amar sin condiciones.

Me he referido brevemente a esto en artículos anteriores. Crecí en una cultura que se crió para pensar que solo porque vas a una buena escuela, te alimentan y vistes que eres amado. Esto no es verdad. El trabajo de los padres es hacer esas cosas que mencioné y estoy sinceramente agradecido por ello, pero usar lo que le damos a alguien en su contra no es amor; es manipulación y culpa. He tenido grandes ejemplos de amor de otros adultos y de mi Padre. Sin embargo, como adulta, he tenido que volver a aprender el amor sin condiciones y he decidido deshacerme de la idea de que obligar a alguien a pensar y actuar de la manera que yo quiero es amar. El amor es paciente y amable, no controlador. Me alegro de haber podido ver esto y de poder encarnar la aceptación, la bondad y la verdad como amor. Consulte nuestros cursos aquí para elevarse y sanar. * Este es un estilo de memorias y no se basa en hechos

4 More things that I am healing from generational trauma.

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In the past year, I have had the fortune to heal immensely and I am so grateful. I used to think that healing was about what I was going through at that time until I met my most recent partner, who had narcissistic tendencies. I spent some time blaming him until I had to understand how I had allowed it and what had led me to that point. 

As I started to delve deep into healing from that relationship, many things rushed to the surface and so my healing began. 

We are always in the process of healing; however, we can acknowledge the how we have healed up until now. 

Here are 4 generational traumas that I am healing from:

1. Thinking that femininity is weak. 

We place a lot of emphasis on male toxicity and it can be detrimental to society. However, we make it seem as though women or feminine energy is weak and incapable of destruction- this is not true. Divine feminine is very powerful and once we heal ourselves, we can tap into that energy that is one of surrendering, trusting and being led. 

I am proud to say that a lot of my energy is that of surrendering and allowing. I want a divine masculine energy to enter my life and take on a leadership role. So that we can create magic together, the divine feminine and the divine masculine. 

2. Leaving the female cult. 

I went to an All Girls’ School for most of my life and it was one of the worst experiences I have been through. I was bullied to think like others, told I was fat and when I behaved differently, I would be ridiculed. Going to this School introduced me to societal female cult that many of us promote without us acknowledging.

I, too, have been a bully and been an example of how a toxic feminine energy embodies herself and it was only until I accepted that I was a destructive force that I was able to change my ways. 

I have left the group thinking that women need to always stick together or that a woman can do no wrong because it allowed me to act harmfully and accept harmful behavior. 

3. Thinking that Mother’s are God’s gift to earth. 

If you had told me a year ago that I would choose to not have my Mother in my life, I would’ve asked you what is wrong with you. It’s interesting that my healing has led me to forgiving my parents and deciding to no longer have my Mother in my life. 

It seems like a harsh decision; however, there comes a time in our lives when we have to decide what is good for us and when we are done fighting and putting up with emotional abuse from others. 

As a society, we focus on the screw-ups of our Fathers but, are too afraid to admit the harsh truths of Mothers. Most are manipulative, unkind and are trying to have their children be how they want them to be and not how God wants them to be. The meanest things that anyone has ever said to me have come from my Mother’s mouth and that is why she has tried to keep me silent by manipulating me and portraying me as a bad person. However, I am so at peace with who I am and the decisions that I have made that I have forgiven, told my truth and I let it go. 

If we are really at peace with ourselves, we don’t need to force someone else to think a certain way. We love how we think and we love how others think. That is true love. 

4. Loving without conditions. 

I’ve briefly touched on this in former articles. I grew up in a culture that was raised to think that just because you go to a good school, are fed and dressed that you are loved. This is not true. A parents job is to do those things that I mentioned and I am sincerely grateful for it but using what we give to someone against them is not love; it is manipulation and guilt. 

I have had some great examples of love from other adults and from my Father. However, as an adult, I have had to re-learn love without conditions and have decided to shed the idea that forcing someone to think and act the way that I want them to is love. Love is patient and kind- not controlling. I am glad that I have been able to see this and can embody acceptance, kindness and truth as love. 

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*This is a memoir-style and is not based on facts.

9 cosas que nunca volveré a hacer.

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El aprendizaje es una gran parte de la vida y, obviamente, cuanto más crezco, más aprendo. No creo en el fracaso, solo creo en lecciones y bendiciones. Cualquiera que sea la forma que adopte en ese momento.

He cometido algunos errores en mi vida y estoy agradecido porque sin ellos no habría adquirido el conocimiento que tengo de ellos.

Entonces, aquí hay 9 cosas que nunca volveré a hacer:

1. Cree que otro humano está por encima de mí.

2. Detenerme de estar presente.

3. Ceda a pensamientos de miedo.

4. Controlar y manipular a otro para el beneficio de mi Ego.

5. Creo que sé todo lo que hay que saber.

6. Cerrarme al perdón.

7. No creer en segundas oportunidades.

8. Amor con condiciones. Las relaciones tienen límites, pero el amor no. A veces tenemos que alejarnos de alguien para amarlos por completo.

9. Piense que he terminado de crecer mientras mi corazón todavía late y mis pulmones todavía están tomando aire

9 Things that I will never do again.

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Learning is a big part of life and, obviously, the more I grow, the more I learn. I don’t believe in failure, I only believe in lessons and blessings. Whatever form it takes at that time. 

I have made some mistakes in my life and I am grateful because without them, I would not have acquired the knowledge that I have from them. 

So, here are 9 Things I will never do again: 

1. Believe that another human is above me. 

2. Stop myself from being present. 

3. Give in to fearful thoughts. 

4. Control and manipulate another for my Ego’s gain. 

5. Think I know everything there is to know. 

6. Close myself off to forgiveness. 

7. Not believe in second chances. 

8. Love with conditions. Relationships have boundaries but love doesn’t. Sometimes we have to take a step away from someone to love them fully. 

9. Think that I am done growing while my heart is still beating and my lungs are still taking in air. 

9 Choses que quelqu'un pourrait vous dire quand il vous met à gaz.

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Avez-vous déjà quitté une expérience et vous êtes-vous demandé ce qui s'est passé avec une autre personne? Et, presque l'impression qu'une vérité vous a été enfoncée dans la gorge qui n'était pas la vérité? Ou, comme si vous posiez une question à quelqu'un et que vous vous sentiez fou de la poser? J'ai et cela s'appelle être au gaz ou quelqu'un qui vous éclaire au gaz.

Le terme serait dérivé de l'histoire d'un couple où un mari et une femme dînaient tous les soirs et éteignaient certaines lumières, sa réponse était de lui demander s'il le faisait et il disait non. Il a fait ça pendant si longtemps qu'après un certain temps, elle a cessé de demander. C'est ce que le gaslighting est censé faire. Il s'agit de créer une dissonance cognitive chez une personne qui est manipulée ou maltraitée afin que la personne qui est victime de ce comportement devienne une coquille d'elle-même et ne sache pas le bien du mal ou ne puisse pas dire la vérité parce qu'elle est devenue tellement déformée.

J'ai vécu cela dans tous les domaines: dans ma famille, dans des situations de travail et dans les cercles d'amitié. C'est pourquoi il est important d'avoir confiance et de parler d'un lieu d'honnêteté, toujours!

Si vous pensez que quelqu'un vous éclaire au gaz, voici 9 façons dont cela pourrait vous arriver:

1. Vous posez une question à quelqu'un sur quelque chose que vous savez être vrai et on vous dit que vous voyez des choses ou que vous l'avez inventé.

2. Vous confrontez quelqu'un à ce que vous ressentez à propos de quelque chose qu'il a fait ou de la façon dont vous avez été traité et il s'en retourne contre vous. Par exemple, «Si vous ne me faisiez pas ça (quand vous le faisiez), je n’agirais pas de cette façon.

3. Quelqu'un utilise vos vulnérabilités contre vous en vous appelant par des noms ou en les armant dans une dispute ou un désaccord.

4. Vous dites à quelqu'un un secret, il le dit aux autres et vous blâme ensuite de le lui avoir révélé. Ils disent des choses comme: «Vous savez que vous ne pouvez pas me faire confiance».

5. Vous ne pouvez jamais obtenir une vraie réponse de quelqu'un.

6. Quand quelqu'un disparaît après avoir dit qu'il serait là et vous blâme pour son absence.

7. Lorsque vous racontez à quelqu'un une histoire qui vous est arrivée et qu'il vous dit: «Êtes-vous sûr?» Ou «Peut-être que cela ne s'est pas produit».

8. Lorsque vous quittez une personne avec l’impression que vous ne pouvez rien dire parce que cette personne ne croit pas tout ce que vous lui dites ou vous combat au lieu de vous écouter.

9. Quand quelqu'un vous dit de ne pas faire confiance à votre intuition.

* Explorez-vous en vous inscrivant à l'un de nos cours ici aujourd'hui.

9 Ways that someone might be gaslighting you.

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Have you ever left an experience and wondered what happened with another person? And, almost felt as though a truth was shoved down your throat that wasn’t the truth? Or, as though you asked someone a question and you were made to feel crazy for asking it? 

I have and this called being gaslit or someone gaslighting you. The term is said to be derived from a story of a couple where a husband and wife would have dinner every night and he would switch off some of the lights, her response was to ask him if he did and he would say no. He did this for so long that after time, she stopped asking. Which is what gaslighting is meant to do. 

It is to creat cognitive dissonance within a person who is being manipulated or abused so that the person who falls victim to this behavior becomes a shell of themself and doesn’t know right from wrong or cannot tell the truth because it has become so distorted. 

I have experienced this in all realms: in my family, in work situations and amongst friendship circles. That is why it is important to have confidence and speak from a place of honesty, always! 

If you think someone is gaslighting you, here are 9 ways this could be happening to you: 

1. You ask someone a question about something you know is true and are told that you are seeing things or you made it up. 

2. You confront someone with how you feel about something they have done or how you have been treated and they turn it on you. Like, ‘If you didn’t do this to me (whenever you did) then I wouldn’t act this way. 

3. Someone uses your vulnerabilities against you by calling you names or weaponizing them in an argument or a disagreement. 

4. You tell someone a secret, they tell others and then blame you for telling them in the first place. They say things like, ‘You know you can’t trust me’. 

5. You can never get a real answer from someone. 

6. When someone disappears on you after saying they would be there and blames you for their absence. 

7. When you tell someone a story that has happened to you and they say, ‘Are you sure?’ Or, ‘Maybe that didn’t happen’. 

8. When you leave a person feeling like you couldn’t get a word in because that person disbelieves anything you tell them or combats you instead of listening to you. 

9. When someone tells you not to trust your intuition. 

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9 Reasons why I forgive my Mother.

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We spend a lot of emphasis, as a society, on forgiving our Father’s; however, little on forgiveness towards our Mother’s. I am not here to write something hateful but a piece that is truthful. Truth is love. 

I would be lying if I said that I felt completely supported and loved by Mother but it has taken me maturing to understand that how she loved me and raised me is between her and God. 

Through forgiveness, I can let go of the direct and indirect pain caused by her towards me as a child so that I can discontinue the hurt that was created. 

Mother’s are human and just like other humans, they deserve forgiveness, too. 

Here are 9 Reasons I forgive my Mother: 

1. I forgive her because she knew not what did/ does. 

2. I forgive her because I choose to love her from a distance. 

3. I forgive her because even though how I was raised created trauma; it was intended that way so that I could heal from it and help others do the same. 

4. I forgive her because I have the real power over my life. 

5. I forgive her because I can’t hold her hostage for the rest of my life for past wrongdoing. 

6. I forgive her because there is enough hate in the world already. 

7. I forgive her because my healing is my responsibility. 

8. I forgive her because hating her will only affect me. 

9. I forgive her because I deserve true and love  peace within my heart. 

9 Affirmations to stabilize Empaths.

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If you are unfamiliar with the terminology of an a Empath, I recommend bringing yourself up to speed with my past articles to figure out whether you are or not. In Lehman’s terms, an Empath is someone who feels deeply and, as a result, can create blockages in their life or future because of how harsh the world can be sometimes. 

Due to these reasons, Empaths need emotional and spiritual stability that can come through prayer, meditation and affirmations. 

Here are 9 affirmations to stabilize and restore Empaths (recommendation is to put one hand on your heart as you are saying them out loud, repeat a few times): 

1. I am light. 

2. I am connected to God. 

3. I am in alignment with abundance. 

4. I am worthy of receiving. 

5. I give and receive simultaneously. 

6. I am at peace with what God has planned for me. 

7. I can inspire others but cannot fix anyone. 

8. I am allowed to feel. 

9. Emotions move through me but don’t define me. 

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Dear God,

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Dear God, 

I pray that your will be done. 

Amen.

9 choses que tous les empathes doivent savoir.

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Ce n'est que récemment que j'ai découvert que je suis un empathe, une personne très intuitive, qui ressent profondément et prend d'autres énergies, claires et sombres. Grâce à ma découverte, j'apprends de plus en plus que ma mission dans la vie est de guérir et avec cet appel vient la responsabilité. Un pour être honnête, véridique et gentil - du mieux que je peux être.

À tous mes autres empathes, c'est pour vous afin que vous ne vous sentiez pas seul et que vous suiviez votre chemin vers votre appel et votre destin.

Voici 9 choses que les empathes doivent savoir:

1. Protégez votre énergie. Tout le monde ne veut pas le meilleur pour vous.

2. C'est bien de dire non.

3. Vous méritez aussi l'amour authentique.

4. Vous n'avez pas à souffrir toute votre vie pour vous sentir vivant.

5. Vos sentiments ne sont pas votre ennemi; ils sont vos amis - apprenez à les exploiter dans la bonne direction.

6. Soyez prêt à laisser derrière vous les personnes et les choses qui vous abattent.

7. Vous méritez de recevoir autant que vous donnez.

8. L'alcool, les drogues et la toxicomanie ne sont pas conçus pour vous empêcher de ressentir. Ne les utilisez pas en tant que tels.

9. Prenez soin des autres mais prenez d'abord soin de vous.

9 Things all Empaths need to know.

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Only recently did I discover that I am an Empath, a person who is highly intuitive, feels deeply and takes on other energies, light and dark. Through my discovery, I am learning more and more that my mission in life is to heal and with that calling comes responsibility. One to be honest, truthful and kind- as best as I can be. 

To all my other Empaths, this is for you so that you don’t feel alone and follow your journey to your calling and destiny. 

This is 9 things Empaths should know: 

1. Protect your energy. Not everyone wants the best for you. 

2. It’s okay to say no. 

3. You authentic deserve love, too. 

4. You don’t have to suffer through life to feel alive. 

5. Your feelings are not your enemy; they are your friend- learn to harness them in the right direction. 

6. Be ready to leave behind people and things that bring you down. 

7. You deserve to receive as much as you give. 

8. Alcohol, drugs and addiction are not designed to stop you from feeling. Don’t use them as such. 

9. Take care of others but take care of yourself first. 

9 Things that I have had to let go of during quarantine.

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When we first went onto lockdown in March, I was dead set and stubborn about holding onto the way that I had seen and done things before. As I mentioned in my latest article, quarantine has been the most challenging time of my life and I have had to re-evaluate everything in my life. 

Right before quarantine, I pulled a tarot oracle card that said, ‘What are you clinging on to!’ I knew deep down that I had been holding on to a way of thinking that was unsustainable: one that meant I over-apologized, was concerned more of outward appearances and one that has left me depleted in loving relationships because I swallowed what I had to say to make sure that I wasn’t left alone or hurt anyone’s feelings.  

Through this challenging time, I have let go of a few things so that I rid myself of my self-inflicting pain. Here are nine of them: 

1. That jobs provide emotional security.

2. That others need to accept me before I accept myself. 

3. That I am able to control everything. 

4. That I know what the future will hold. 

5. That tomorrow is guaranteed or will look how it has looked before. 

6. That I have to surround myself with people who insist on correcting me, putting me into a box and shunning me. 

7. The idea that if I am alone then I am lonely. 

8. That it’s ever too late to do anything about something I want to change. 

9. That God has given up on me. 

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3 Things that I wish I’d known before Quarantine.

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If someone would’ve told me that this year would be how it has been a year ago, I would laugh at them and tell them that they are insane. This year, I have flown to five countries, worked full-time about two months of the six months and, have had my life as I knew it before all this happened ripped out from underneath my feet. In a nutshell, it has been a rollercoaster. 

I went to South Africa for my birthday and to see friends and family in February. And, while I was there, I felt like an outsider. I was grateful to be in Africa but for the first time, I felt like South Africa was not my home and I wondered why. On my way back to Los Angeles, I was so happy to be back in The United States of America. I felt home. I had never ever felt like this in my life. 

I spent the next three weeks working and staying busy. Grateful to be in the city of Angels, whether those angels were in the sky or fallen was none of my business, I felt alive but I had this feeling that I needed to change something about my life. I made a decision to let go of toxicity and one night, I prayed to God to release me of what I no longer needed on my road to truth and prosperity. 

A few days after my prayer, there was a mandate ordered for Yoga studios to shut down and therefore, I would be out of partial work as I teach at different yoga studios. The next day I was doing a tarot reading on myself and I pulled a card that said, ‘What are you clinging on to?’ I knew what it was but was too stubborn to admit that there was people and things that were not a part of the life that I wanted. 

As always, there is nothing that I regret. It took this for me to be here now and the present is the best place I will ever be. 

Here are 3 things that I wish I’d known before Quarantine: 

1. You’ll be okay. 

These past three months have been the hardest time of my life. I have always been an independent and self-sufficient person who has been able to talk, smile or outwit myself out of any situation until this. It went from being two weeks, to a month and then suddenly three months. I went from seeing this as a blessing to crying on my bedroom floor while listening to gospel music. I have had to take each moment day-by-day. 

For the first time in my life, I have been late on my rent by no fault of my own and the feeling of shame has been overwhelming sometimes. The feeling of being in a situation because of something you have no control over has created a different kind of faith and hope that I didn’t know possible. Sure, sometimes I am angry, lost and confused but then I look to God, pray, breathe and remember that everything will be okay because it has been okay. If I have my life, my health, my mind and my soul, I am flourishing. 

2. Get ready to leave behind the old you. 

I have spent my life feeling like an outsider. I always joke that it’s because I am an Aquarius and we are known for that but in truth that was to mask the pain that came from feeling misunderstood a lot of the time. I believe firmly in independent-thinking and I was not raised in a society that allowed that so I was shunned a lot and told to keep quiet for asking questions or thinking differently. Because of this, I developed a thinking that I couldn’t really say how I felt. So, in my earlier years, I would catch myself lying when I wanted to tell the truth, keeping quiet when I wanted to scream and hurting myself instead of releasing my anger in a healthy way. 

Over the years that old façade of me has slowly bee dissipating and eventually was forced to leave my life when I came back from South Africa and noticed how different I was to lifelong friends and family. Some of them didn’t want to hear what I had to say, would flake on me or shame me for wanting to know the truth. I couldn’t hold on any longer. The old me was okay with sacrificing what I had to say to be liked but the new me can’t- just can’t. No matter who hates me, who won’t speak to me again or who thinks I am the worst person alive. I am done playing a role of someone who I am not. I am me: unfiltered, non-PC, sometimes offensive but is trying to be a good person and I am done trying to fit into a mould to be accepted and loved. 

3. Let go of control. 

In my entire life, I have never cried as much as I have in these past three months. I’ve cried tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of anxiety, tears of gratitude, tears of confusion and tears of sadness. In all of my emotional phases, I have had to let go of being in control. 

I admit to being a control freak and it has been something that I have been working on in therapy over the past decade. I have had to learn that control does not equate to power. A hard yet powerful message. For the first time, all the things that I was able to do to remain in control have been taken from me and I have had to redefine what power means. I’m not sure that I know the answer but I do know that holding onto something tightly so that it never leaves is not because of power but it is because of fear. My internal powerful voice knows that what is meant for me will never go, will leave and come back or, had it’s purpose once upon a time. 

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3 Things I wish I’d known before I found out that my Ex had a baby.

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I’ve been avoiding dealing with this because quarantine has been emotionally and physically draining and there is only so much stress that I can take. Yes, people have been asking me what I think of my well-known Ex having a baby and me having to see it posted all over the place. And, at first, I had nothing to say. However, now that I have processed it, I can write/speak on it. 

I don’t believe in regrets. However, this is what I would’ve told myself before I found out the news of my Ex having a baby with someone else, right after our break-up: 

1. You will never be ready for this news. 

On the Monday that his new baby came into The World it was a week or two into quarantine and a friend texted me about it. And, my reaction was, what lie has he made up to get my attention now?Pessimistic, I know but that sums up our relationship: I got used to him making up an attention-seeking story so that I would talk to him again. 

After she texted me, I was upset. However, I noticed that I was more angered with her for not being courteous and respectful in her text than him having a child. I thought that if he had a child, good for him and I chose to be at peace about it. My reaction affirmed that us not being together was the best decision for everyone and I stand by it. 

2. You don’t have to care. 

After a month going by of people asking me if my Ex had really had a child like they had read in the tabloids, I thought to myself, maybe I should actually find out? I thought intensely about what that meant and remembered how when we were friends after our break-up, he would try to manipulate me into being with him again. As the memories came back, I chose to separate myself from him and what we had- for my sanity and health. 

A little voice creeped up inside of me that said, ‘You need to be happy for him!’ And then another voice rebutted that with, ‘You don’t have to do anything especially if it is insincere.’ So I released my need to seem polite, kind or do the right thing because I don’t have to care. I chose to not have my Ex in my life and I can redefine what that means for overall peace and well-being without being pressured into doing what is fake based on what people will think of me. 

3. Not caring doesn’t mean that you are ill-wishing. 

After deciding not to care about my Ex and his news, I felt some guilt and shame about not taking the ‘high road’. However, I had made a decision to stop faking things in my life at the beginning of the year and speak truth from a place of integrity. 

I suddenly went from almost convincing myself to sending him a message about what a great father he was going to be, to asking myself if I could handle a conversation with him without going back to habits that I had let go of nine months prior. The answer was no. I couldn’t text him and be sure that I wouldn’t be manipulated into a situation with him that I didn’t want to be in. In my thirty one years on this planet, I have learnt many things. One of the biggest lessons is that only I can break habits and life is made up of choices. I have to live with mine and if I reached out to him, it would be harder to live with myself than leaving the conscious space I have created between us. 

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Dear God, thank you…

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Dear God, 

Thank you. I am grateful for your mercy and your grace. I am not perfect and you love me as I am. I know that I have work to do on myself and thank you for highlighting it and I pray that you give me the strength to do so. 

I thank you for sending Archangel Michael for my protection against negativity and darkness that came from those who smiled at me and continuously let me down. Thank you for helping me stay in the light, even when it was difficult and challenging. 

I pray for healing, from the inside out. I pray for your guidance as I am humbly shown to your light. Thank you for showing me why relationships were  severed, friendships dissipated and connections were broken. They were never meant to be. 

I see clearly with my third eye and feel firmly with my gut that I am exactly where I am meant to be. I couldn’t be more grateful. I surrender any worry, anger, despair, grief and torment to you and I choose peace. I choose for your love to wash over me and remind me that I am who I am meant to be, where I am meant to be and with who I am meant to be with. 

Thank you! 

Amen. 

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Ce qu'il a fallu pour m'atteindre.

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Il m'a fallu libérer ma victimisation auto-imposée

Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu comprendre que les gens qui ne m'aiment pas pourraient ne jamais m'aimer Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu libérer des gens qui sont censés m'aimer mais me ridiculiser Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu voir réel comme réel et faux comme faux Pour me rejoindre

Il fallait être réel comme réel Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu m'asseoir dans de profonds regrets et griefs Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu regarder la lumière Pour me rejoindre Ça m'a pris confiance en Dieu Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu comprendre que l'autonomisation est auto-gouvernée Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu être en paix dans ma propre peau Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu comprendre les situations, les gens et les choses sous tous les angles Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu abandonner la nécessité de condamner et d'abandonner les autres Pour me rejoindre

Il m'a fallu choisir une vie meilleure pour moi Pour me rejoindre. Cliquez ici pour consulter nos cours d'école d'élévation.

3 cosas que desearía saber sobre la ira antes de ser adulto.

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He pasado mucho tiempo enojado. En retrospectiva, quién sabe si estaba justificado o no; Sin embargo, sé que la mayor parte de mi ira fue una pérdida de tiempo.

No digo que estar enojado no sea natural; Sin embargo, también digo que la mentalidad de alguien que está enojado es limitada porque cuando estamos enojados, nuestro enfoque es como un toro con un blanco rojo y nos olvidamos de apreciar lo que nos rodea.

A lo largo de los años, aprendí a calmar mi ira o reconocerla y luego avanzar. Aquí hay 3 cosas que desearía haber sabido sobre la ira antes de convertirme en adulto:

1. No dejes que la ira se interponga en tu futuro.

Mis años de adolescencia y principios de los veinte los pasé enojado y lleno de ira. Aunque, en su mayor parte, me percibía feliz y bien organizado, tenía mucha ira interna. Ahora que he crecido, puedo resumir estar enojado como resultado de cómo me sentí tratado por los hombres. En mi opinión, era una víctima y, por lo tanto, tenía derecho a estar enojado por la forma en que los hombres me habían tratado durante toda mi vida. Lo poco que sabía es que toda esa ira solo me estaba haciendo daño.

Hace 8 años, decidí dejar atrás mi ira porque noté cómo se autoinfligía y me impedía lograr algo valioso en mi vida. Una vez que liberé mi ira, noté un gran cambio en mi vida. Pasé de ser una víctima perpetua a un vencedor y tomé una posición en la dirección correcta hacia la curación y el perdón.

2. La ira desencadena los receptores de estrés de nuestros cuerpos.

Soy profesora de yoga y guía espiritual. Lo que aprendí en mí y en otros es que estar enojado libera receptores de estrés en nuestros cuerpos y crea inflamación que internamente tiene tremendos efectos negativos en nuestra salud.

Una de las bases del yoga es calmar el cuerpo para unificarlo con nuestra mente y alma. Noté que la ira me impidió unificar mi cuerpo y lo sacó de su estado natural: el bienestar. Cuando estamos en paz, nuestros cuerpos pueden hacer lo que deben hacer sin ser bombardeados por el miedo y la ira.

3. La mejor manera de tener control es estar en paz sobre algo.

Uno de los puntos de inflexión más fundamentales de cuando tenía veinte años es cuando decidí dejar de culpar a los hombres por la razón por la cual mis relaciones no habían funcionado. Verá, adopté la ideología femenina tóxica de que todos los hombres son malos y creó una profunda ira dentro de mí y bloqueó la entrada de cualquier hombre en mi vida porque estaba convencido de que todos eran malos.

Entonces, incluso si un hombre bueno y saludable entró en mi vida, estaba atrapado en estar enojado y salir con hombres que desencadenaron esta emoción en mí. Después de este momento de realización, he tenido mis momentos de enojo, ¡sí! Sin embargo, puedo sentir surgir mi ira y elegir si quiero participar o no.

A veces la ira es útil, pero estar enojado todo el tiempo no es la dirección en la que quiero que esté mi vida. Quiero apuntar a la paz y rendirme para poder salir de las situaciones sabiendo que hay mucho que puedo hacer y yo deja el resto a Dios.