4 Reasons why it’s time to create a new paradigm of relationships, based on respect and love.

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Even though I am a fan of certain traditions, I am not a fan of continuing traditions that are not helpful and stifling. As someone who has almost been married twice and asked a few more times than that, I honestly am not sure that I will get married. Which I am okay with. 

Most of the time when I say this out loud to someone, they react with, ‘Don’t say that!’- as though not being married is a curse. If I am a woman who never gets married, I am okay with that because the standards of the partner that I want to marry are high. And, if I don’t meet someone who meets those expectations in this lifetime, I am better without it. 

I was recently reminded of what happens when we settle and give way more than we get, we become exhausted. I was so exhausted by my last relationship that, at this point, I can’t even speak to him anymore. The thought of seeing him tires me out. But he is not the only one to blame. I went against my intuition and general well-being for the sake of tradition. Which, I will never do again. 

Here are 4 reasons why we need to create a new paradigm of relationship based on love and respect:

1. The old paradigm of relationships is not working. 

Unless you live in a cave, you must be aware of how we are bombarded with gossip about celebrities or well-known couples breaking up. 
From what I have seen and experienced, in most cases, the man cheats on a woman and she has to decide to stay or leave. The usual response to that is, ‘Men will be men.’ Which is an old tradition. The idea that someone can’t change based on their upbringing is absurd. Because if someone truly loves another, they will rise up and and become a better person for their partner or allow their significant other to find someone else who will not continue to hurt them. I am done hearing, ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘men cheat’ because that only lowers the standards of the kind of people that we should want to be. People who are respectful and create peace in each others’ lives. 

2. Gender roles are fading. 

You don’t have to be non-binary to see that the old idea of man & woman relationship is not working anymore. We were once sold the picture- perfect family of a man seeing a woman who she loves and making her his. The woman then spends the relationship keeping him or forcing him to change. That was my last relationship. And, what I learnt is that it’s all a trap. It’s just a way to keep drama and problems around because someone will always resent the other. What I experienced in being a romantic circumstance like this, is that equal means equal. Healthy relationships thrive on equality and respect, not who has more money, who is having the kids, who is more well-known, who does more or who was born a male or female. They are based on love and respect. 

3. Trust should come before protection. 

When I speak to a lot of people about relationships, I get sad. It saddens me that most people are entering relationships or marriages expecting the worst and needing to protect themselves. I have been there before, where I was scared that things would go wrong with someone that I dearly loved. As a result of this fear, I have tried to control the other person so that they would always be around. Playing mind games, acting mysterious, coming&going and having some kind of way to have leverage over someone because if I have chosen to love them, then I have deserved something in return. This thinking is toxic and co-dependent. When we love with our walls up, the other person can’t come into our house. Sometimes we put up walls so high that we can’t even see how we have closed off the other person who is on the other side. Defeating the whole purpose of a relationship. We cannot love without trusting. If there is no trust, there is no love.

4. Relationships are about unity and creating a union. 

My last relationship taught me many things but mostly taught me that if unity is not the goal, there is no point in being with someone else. Which, is why I left. I made a decision to leave because I felt more alone than actually with someone. After I left, I had an epiphany, if someone truly loves me, why would they not want to be in union with me? And, if they don’t, there is no point in being with them. Being with someone should not feel like you are fighting with them consistently, you should feel like the person you have chosen to be with is on your side; not in battle with you. 

Dear W, (closure)

Dear W, 

I’m not sure what you are holding on to because, I am done. 

I owe it to myself and my future to close this door and to move forward with gratitude and love. I’ve been waiting for you to release me which is not happening so instead of resisting your energy and fighting you, I send you love and let you go. It takes two people to fight and I surrender my sword. You win! You win whatever it is that you wanted to win because I don’t have the energy or time to go back&forth anymore. 

I deserve happiness, joy, respect, authenticity, stability, kindness, love, to feel worthy and genuine reciprocation. You are clearly incapable of giving these things to anyone, including yourself. So, let me go!

I am grateful for every single thing that we went through. I am grateful for the songs that you wrote, grateful for all the times that you made me smile, for when I truly felt your heart and grateful for the painful lessons that you taught me. I’ve wrapped our memories in a box and have decided to bury this box. 

This relationship has taught me many things, one of them that everything that I ask for from others, I must practice myself. So, in the spirit of authenticity and being true, I let go of needing you to let me go and know that I will find freedom in looking forward to my future. 

Sending you love,

Ngizosebenzisa kanjani iMithetho yama-Karma engu-12 emphakathini wami wokuphola, ubudlelwano nokusebenzisana.

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Angikaze ngijabule kakhulu ukuba ngingashadile. Ngangivame ukuba nomqondo wokuthi ukungashadile kusho ukulinda 'owodwa'. Kodwa, kulo mzuzwana empilweni yami, ukungashadile (kimi) kusho ukuthanda nokuziqhenya. Abanye bangabiza lokhu ukuziqhenya; Kodwa-ke, ukuze sikwazi ukutshala izimali kwabanye, kumele sitshale kwabanye, kuqala.

Ubudlelwane, kuhlanganise nalabo ngokwethu, kudinga ukutshalwa kwezimali, isikhathi nokuhlonipha. Konke okunye, asikwazi ukunikeza abanye uma singabanikezi thina.

Ngalokho kuthiwa, ukuqhubekela phambili, ngizosebenzisa I-12 Imithetho yeKarma ukuze ngithandane, ubudlelwane nomndeni nabangani kanye nokusebenzisana kokuphila kwesikhathi esizayo:

• UMthetho Omkhulu. Noma yini esiyibeka ku-Universe izobuya kithi.

Uma sisobala, siqotho, sinothando futhi sihlonipha ngezinhloso zethu, khona-ke (ikakhulukazi) ngakho abanye bazosizungezile.

• Umthetho wokuthobeka. Omunye kumele amukele okuthile ukuguqula.

Amafulege abomvu mayelana nokuziphatha komuntu akugcini nje ukunyamalala ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kumele ngiwamukele futhi nginqume ukuqhubeka nobuhlobo noma cha.

 • Umthetho wemfanelo. Kumelwe sithathe umthwalo wemfanelo kulokho okusemandleni ethu.

Ukuba nobuhlobo obunzima noma ebuhlotsheni nomuntu oqhubeka engangideleli kubonisa lokho engikucabanga ngami. Uma ngikholelwa ukuthi ngifanele ukuhlonishwa, ngeke ngamukele noma ngibekezelele ukungabi nhlonipho.

• Umthetho lapha futhi manje. Asikwazi ukubukeka njengamanje uma sibheka emuva.

Noma yikuphi okunye okuhamba nathi esikhathini esizayo kuyisinqumo sethu. Uma ngibambelele emithwalweni, leso sithwala siza nami. Uma ngifuna ngempela ukuyeka umlingani wangaphambili noma othile owangiphatha kabi, kudingeka ngibathethelele futhi ngiqhubeke nompilo yami.

• Umthetho wokubekezela nomvuzo. Imivuzo ebaluleke kakhulu idinga ukuphikelela.

Ubudlelwane buphathelene nokuzibophezela nsuku zonke nomzamo; hhayi ukugxuma esikhathini esizayo.

• Umthetho wendalo. Ukuphila akukwenzeki, kufanele sikwenze kwenzeke.

Njengembali noma isihlahla, ubuhlobo budinga ukukhulisa, ukubekezela nothando ukukhula.

• Umthetho wokukhula. Uma sishintsha ngokwethu, izimpilo zethu ziyashintsha futhi.

Uthando nenhlonipho livela ngaphakathi. Asikho isidingo sokuba ngikufune ngokujulile komunye umuntu.

• Umthetho wokuxhuma. Okudlule, okwamanje kanye nekusasa konke kuxhunyiwe.

Namuhla kungukuqala kwekusasa lami. Indlela engiphatha ngayo abanye futhi ngivumele abanye bangiphathe kuyoba nethonya ebuhlotsheni bethu nokuthi sixhuma kanjani esikhathini eside.

• Umthetho wokupha nokwamukela izihambi. Ukuziphatha kwethu kufanele kufane nemicabango kanye nezenzo zethu.

Uma ngithanda umuntu, izenzo zami namazwi kufanele afake lokhu. Uthando lunomusa, lubekezela futhi luhlonipha, amazwi ami nezenzo kufanele kube njalo, futhi.

• Umthetho wezinguquko. Umlando uyaziphindaphinda uze sifunde kuwo futhi sishintshe indlela yethu.

Uma ngichitha impilo yami kumuntu engiye ngazama ukuhlala naye kodwa engazange asebenze nayo, ngiphumile eMhlabeni wamathuba. Ngifanele ukuzinikela kakhulu kunamanje nesikhathi esizayo ngokuvumela ukuthi ubani engangiye naye ngaphambili, hamba.

• Umthetho wokubaluleka nokuphefumulelwa. Imivuzo iyiphumela eliqondile lamandla nomzamo esiwufaka kuwo.

Uma ngikholelwa ebuhlotsheni, ngizokunika amaphesenti ayikhulu. Ukunikeza abantu abaningi abayingxenye yami ukubeka ubuhlobo obuseduze kuze kube yilapho behlulekile ngoba angikhona ngokugcwele kulowo nalowo. Uma ngikholelwa esikhathini esizayo nomunye umuntu, ngizokunika konke.

How I will apply The 12 Laws of Karma to my dating life, relationships and partnerships.

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I have never been so happy to be single. I used to have this idea that being single meant waiting for ‘the one’. But, at this moment in my life, being single (to me) means being in love with and appreciating myself. Some may call this self-conceited; however, to be able to truly invest in others, we must have invested in ourselves, first. 

Relationships, including the ones with ourselves, require investment, time and respect. All of which, we cannot give to others if we haven’t given them to ourselves. 

With that being said, moving forward, I will apply The 12 Laws of Karma to dating, relationships with family &friends and future life partnerships: 

•The Great Law. Whatever we put into The Universe will come back to us. 

If we are clear, sincere, loving and respectful with our intentions, then (most likely) so will others around us. 

•The law of humility. One must accept something to change it. 

Red flags about someone’s behaviour don’t just disappear over time, I must accept them and decide to continue the relationship or not. 

 •The law of responsibility. We must take responsibility for what is in our lives. 

Being in a dysfunctional relationship or in a relationship with someone who continues to disrespect me is a reflection of what I think about myself. If I believe that I am worthy of respect, then I won’t accept or tolerate disrespect. 

•The law of here and now. We cannot be looking present if we are looking backwards. 

Whoever and whatever moves with us to the future is our choice. If I am holding onto baggage, that baggage is coming with me. If I truly want to let go of a former partner or someone who hurt me, I need to forgive them and move on with my life.

• The law of patience and reward. The most valuable rewards require persistence. 

Relationships are about daily commitment and effort; not jumping to the future. 

• The law of creation. Life does not happen, we have to make it happen. 

Just like a flower or tree, relationships require nurturing, patience and love to grow. 

• The law of growth. When we change ourselves, our lives change too. 

Love and respect comes from within. There is no need for me to desperately seek it from someone else. 

• The law of connection. The past, present and future all connected. 

Today is the beginning of my future. How I treat others and allow others to treat me will have an impact on our relationship and how we connect in the long term. 

• The law of giving and hospitality. Our behaviour should match our thoughts and actions. 

If I love someone, my actions and words should embody this. Love is kind, patient and respectful, my words and actions should be so, too. 

• The law of change. History repeats itself until we learn from it and change our path. 

If I spend my life on someone who I have already tried to be with but it didn’t work out with, I am missing out on a World of opportunities. I deserve to give myself the most of the present and the future by letting who I have been with before, go. 

• The law of significance and inspiration. Rewards are a direct result of the energy and effort that we put into it. 

If I believe in a relationship, I will give it a hundred percent. Giving many different people a part of me sets future relationships up for failure because I am not being fully present in each of them. If I believe in a future with someone, I will give it my all. 

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

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Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Tendrá la forma de alguien que puede dejar de lado su orgullo.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Comprenderá que el amor no es un juego porque en los juegos siempre hay un perdedor. Sin embargo, en el amor, las personas deben elevarse mutuamente.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Ahora más que nunca creo que soy digno de ello.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto. Él me verá como un igual: no biológicamente, financieramente, materialista o emocionalmente. Pero soy su igual con respeto, consideración y amabilidad.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Se arruinará porque es humano. Pero cuando lo haga, se disculpará, igual que yo haré lo mismo.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Él ha puesto los juegos y juguetes infantiles para descansar y está listo para crear un reino (conmigo) que prospere.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto. Él respeta mi espacio y tiempo suficiente para dejar de lado la necesidad de ser lo que la sociedad dice que un hombre debería ser. Él trata a las mujeres con respeto.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto. Él se respeta a sí mismo, primero, y por lo tanto puede respetar a los demás también. Él entiende que el respeto no se da sino que se gana.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto. Él está trabajando, tan duro como yo, para hacer de este mundo un lugar mejor para sus hijos, seres queridos y las generaciones venideras.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect.

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I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will be in the form of someone who can let go of his pride. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will understand that love isn’t a game because in games, there is always a loser. However, in love, people should lift each other up. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

I believe now more than ever that I am worthy of it. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He will see me as an equal: not biologically, financially, materialistically or emotionally. But I am his equal with respect, consideration and kindness. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will mess up because he is human. But when he does, he will apologize- just as I will do the same. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has laid the childish games and toys to rest and is ready to create a kingdom (with me) that thrives. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He respects my space and time enough to let go of the need to be what society says a man should be. He treats women with respect. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He respects himself, first, and can therefore respect others as well. He understands respect is not given but earned. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He is working, just as hard as I am, to make this World a better place for his children, loved ones and generations to come. 

Dear W, thank you…

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Dear W, 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for holding so much resentment towards you. Resentment was protecting me from having you back in my life. 

I needed protection because I was hurt, deeply hurt. Hurt by your selfish and ego-driven actions. 

Now I see that just because I have decided to move on, it doesn’t mean that I should hate. I hated you out of fear that you would keep entering my life- which is the last thing that I want. I want freedom and release anything that we ever had and the prospect of what we might’ve had. 

Out of this freedom, I am grateful. Grateful for any box of darkness that you sent my way, it was a gift. A gift that I was able to transform into hopes, dreams and self-reflection. 

I am done fearing your return, I move forward with freedom and hope that you can do the same. I am not ready to wish you well but just hope that both of us can be at peace.

4 Things I have learnt about myself, in the process of healing from my past relationship.

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When I decided to end my last relationship, I had never been so sure of an end of a relationship as much as I was of this one. In other relationships, I still had some form of trust in the other person. Which took some convincing to leave.

However, my last relationship, the trust was completely destroyed and when you don’t have trust in a relationship, you have nothing. In the complete switching up of this partnership, I learnt some of the best things about myself. 

Here are 4 of them:

1. I am worth of a healthy relationship. 

Before leaving this relationship, I never fully grasped that I was worthy of a healthy relationship. I would say it but didn’t fully know it. I am not blaming movies but seeing how romance plays out on screen has affected our society. Many of us think that love is manipulation and tactics disguised behind work. In our efforts to hold on to people and control, we forget that love is pure. Love should be pure and if we have to manipulate someone to love us; that is not love- it is control. Just like health, that is pure too, love should feel good. And, all of us are worthy of relationships that feel good. 

2. Relationships don’t change people. People change themselves. 

The man who I was in a relationship with, has been known to be a Bad Boy in The Music Industry. I am not attracted to bad boys usually; however, in this case, I thought that I could have an effect on him (he convinced me that he wanted to be a better person for me and what we had). I forgot that if someone is afraid of commitment, their issues are bigger than who I am because I am not the cause; their past is. Until they decide to heal and make an effort to do so, I have no business being with them because I will only sacrifice myself and all of the previous time that I have spent doing the work to be met with disappointment and manipulation. Which, is what happened. A healthy relationship is made up of two people who are trying to better themselves, not just one. ‘Better’ does not mean materials or status but it means growing into your authentic power without needing external validation to know your worth.

3. Romance is not the foundation of a healthy relationship, respect is. 

When it comes to romance, my former partner wins the gold trophy. However, romance does not maintain a relationship, respect does. There are only so many words that can be said to make up for lack of actions. If someone’s actions do not equate to what they say about you, they are manipulating you. Respect is portrayed in what we say, how we say and what we do, too. 

4. Be in it for you. 

Towards the end my relationship, I was in it for him and not me. I had gotten to the point that I felt like if I left, the backlash that I would feel was way worse than me leaving. He would do anything in his power to win me back- I was afraid of this. It is not dramatic and I was not being abused. However, I had created a pattern of self-sacrifice in this relationship that led me to feel as though I had to continually give. I gave so much that it felt heavy and it tired me out. Giving this much became a serious burden, one that I had to rid myself of. Leaving this relationship is one of the best things that I have ever done because I did it for me, my health and my future.

Dear God, thank you…

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Dear God, 

Thank you. 

Thank you for providing me the courage to leave an unhealthy situation, I feel so much better now. 

I now understand why you lead me to him. You did so to make me stronger, more forgiving and capable to get to my next step. 

God, the truth is that I never really understood my connection with this man until now. Today, I can say clearly that he came into my life to heal me of my past. 

You know that I have had trouble with feeling like men have chosen me and that I didn’t have a say in the relationships that I entered in to. After this awful ordeal with this man, I see now what the effects of being blurry about my future do to me (and my future). 

I have spent enough time putting my future in the wrong people’s hands, having hope that boys (disguised as men) would show up for me the way that I had showed up for them. However, they had work to do, and so did I. I had to realize that if someone is willing to manipulate my morals and worth, they don’t love me; they merely want to control me and use me a pawn. 

God, I am so grateful that you put me through this heartache because I see so clearly what having faith in the wrong people can do. Having faith in the wrong people (people who are not genuine and are manipulative) has previously led me down a road of victimization and wondering how I got there. However, today, I see it clearly. 

I control my destiny. Please help me maintain this clarity in my life: in friendships, business and in love because I am worthy of the blessings that come with an awakened heart, mind and soul. 

4 Izinto engifisa sengathi ngabe ngazi ngaphambi kobudlelwane bami bokugcina.

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Uma uhlale usesikhathini nama-athikili ami, uzokwazi ukuthi ngisanda kunquma ukushiya umngane wami othandana naye engangikholelwa ukuthi ungumphefumulo wami. Ngisho noma amagama alotshiwe ngokucacile, bekulokhu uhambo oluye lwacaca. Kuye uhambo olugcwele injabulo, ukudabuka, ukuhleka, izinyembezi kanye nokukhathazeka. Ngukuphi uthando, kwesokudla?

Futhi, ngothando kuvela konke. Ngicacile kakhulu esinqumweni sami sokuhamba futhi ngibonga ngakho konke. Ngokucacile, kuvela izifundo nokuzihlolisisa.

Uma ngibheka emuva, yilokho engifisa sengathi ngingayazi ngaphambi kobudlelwane bami bokugcina:

1. Abantu ababili abakwazi ukuphoqelelwa ndawonye, ​​kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bathandana kangakanani.

Mina kanye nami siphila impilo ehluke kakhulu. Ngimpilo nempilo; usekuzijabulisa. Lapho siqala ubuhlobo bethu, nganginokungabaza okuningi kepha nginothando ngothando nokuthi yena uyathandana kakhulu kunokwesehluko. Lokho engikufundile ukuthi indlela yokuzikhethela abantu abakhetha ukuyobe nayo inethonya empilweni yabo. Kwangenza ngikhathazekile ukubona abesifazane bengenazo izingubo noma ekukhanyeni ngokocansi ekhasini lakhe le-Instagram nakwamanye amavidiyo angasoze asuswa ememori yami futhi wangenza umbuzo uma ebona abesifazane besilingana noma njengama-pawn ukuze benze imali of. Impendulo yalo mbuzo iphakathi kwakhe noNkulunkulu kodwa, engikwaziyo ukuthi indoda engiyifunayo njengomlingani umuntu ohlonipha ubuhlakani besifazane njengamakhono abo angokwenyama. Akuyona nje mina kodwa yena nabo bonke abantu ababukeka kuye.

2. Ubuhlungu abukwazi ukugwema.

Uma sicabanga mayelana nokugijima ekubhekaneni nobuhlungu, kubonakala sengathi kungumqondo we-masochistic. 'Ngubani ozozibeka ngokuzithandela ebuhlungu ukuze akhule ?, sibuza. Ngokusobala akekho ohamba kahle! Kodwa nganoma yini efanele, kuza ubuhlungu nobunzima. Ngalesi sifo sithola okuningi. Sithola amandla, izinguquko zangaphakathi, ukukhula kwangaphakathi nokuningi okuningi. Ubuhlungu luyingxenye yenqubo, ngakho kungani ungayitholi? Yamukela umkhuba omubi ngoba okuhle kwenza sijabule futhi kubi kungasisiza sikhule.

3. Zithethelele wena.

Lokhu kuye kwaba yinye yezimo ezinzima kunazo zonke okumele zibe khona. Futhi, ngiye ngazibuza izikhathi eziningi uma ngenza isinqumo esifanele ngenkathi ngenza futhi emva kokukwenzila. Ngikhohlwa lokhu ngezinye izikhathi kodwa, ngingumuntu. Ngokuhlangenwe nakho komuntu kufika amaphutha kanye nezinto esifisa sengathi singenza ngcono. Ngempela, ngizizwa ngenza iphutha ngicabanga ukuthi i-DJ / Umkhiqizi angangithanda ngendlela engifanele ukuba ngithande ngayo; hhayi ngenxa yomsebenzi wakhe kodwa lokho okuza nakho. Amantombazane, izidakamizwa kanye nobuthi akuyona ingxenye yokuphila kwami ​​futhi angifuni ukuba nomuntu onayo lezi zinto empilweni yakhe.

Noma nini lapho ngiyicabanga ngakho kakhulu, ngikhetha intethelelo. Ngizithethelela ngokuvula inhliziyo yami ngoba nakuba izinhliziyo zethu zihlala zihloselwe ukuvuleka, kungumsebenzi wami ukuvikela ukuthi ngithanda kangakanani umuntu othinta uthando lwami njengokungcola kunokuba into eyigugu futhi efanelekile.

4. Babathethelele.

Ngisekhona kulolu hambo futhi uzoqhubeka ngize ngibe nokuthula lapho ngibona igama lakhe noma isithombe sakhe. Inqubo eqhubekayo.

Ngokwethembeka, ngithola kunzima ukumthethelela kodwa ngenxa yokuthi kunzima, akusho ukuthi ngiyeka. Ukuthethelela kudinga amandla, amandla angaphakathi njengenoma yini enye. Ukuze ukwazi ukubuka umuntu owenze ubuhlungu futhi aqhubeke enokuthula akuyona eyinhliziyo ebuthakathaka noma eqinekile, kungenxa yokuqina. Amandla akwenzeki ebusuku, kudinga ukuzimisela kwethu nokuhlanganyela.

Ngilangazelela usuku engingambona ngalo futhi ngibe nokuthula kuze kube yileso sikhathi, ngizoqhubeka nohambo lwami lokuthethelela.

4 Things that I wish I’d known before my last relationship.

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If you keep up to date with my articles, you will know that I recently decided to leave a romantic partner who I believed to be my soulmate. Even though the words are written clearly, it has been a journey that has been anything but clear. It has been a journey filled with happiness, sadness, laughter, tears and heartache. Which is love, right? 

And, with love comes it all. I have so much clarity in my decision to leave and am grateful for it all. With clarity, comes lessons and hindsight. 

Looking back, this is what I wish I would’ve known before my last relationship: 

1. Two people cannot be forced together, no matter how much they love each other. 

This man and I live very different lives. I am in health and wellness; he is in entertainment. When we began our relationship, I had many doubts but was convinced by love and him that the love is deeper than all of the differences. What I have learnt is that the career path that people choose to be on has an effect on their lives. It made me uneasy to see women with hardly any clothing and in a sexual light on his Instagram page and in his videos which can never be erased from my memory and made me question if he really sees women as equal or as pawns to make money off of. The answer to that question is between him and God but, what I know is that the man that I want as a partner is someone who values woman’s intelligence as much as their physical attributes. Not just for me but for him and all the people who look up to him. 

2. Pain is inevitable. 

When we think about running towards pain, it seems like a masochistic concept. ‘Who would willingly put themselves through pain to grow?, we ask. Clearly no one who is sane! But with anything worthy, comes pain and difficulty. Through this pain we gain so much. We gain strength, internal transformation, internal growth and so much more. Pain is a part of the process, so why not embrace it? Embrace the ugly with the good because the good makes us happy and the ugly can help us grow. 

3. Forgive yourself. 

This has been one of the most difficult situations to be in. And, I have questioned many times if I was making the right decision while I made them and after I made. I forget this sometimes but, I am human. With the human-being experience comes mistakes and things that we wish we could’ve done better. Truthfully, I feel like a made a mistake by ever thinking that a DJ/Producer could love me the way that I deserve to be loved; not because of his profession but what comes with it. The girls, the drugs and the toxicity are not a part of my life and I don’t want to be with anyone who has these things in their life. 

Whenever I think about it too hard, I choose forgiveness. I forgive myself for opening my heart because although our hearts are always meant to be open, it is my job to protect how much I love someone who treats my love as waste rather than something valuable and worthy. 

4. Forgive them. 

I am still on this journey and it will continue until I can be at peace when I see his name or a picture of him. A process that is ongoing. 

Honestly, I am finding it very difficult to forgive him but just because it is difficult, it does not mean that I give up. Forgiveness requires strength, inner-strength like nothing else. To be able to look at someone who has hurt you and still be at peace is not for the weak or faint-hearted, it is for the strong. Strength doesn’t happen overnight, it requires our willingness and participation. 

I look forward to the day that I can see him and be at peace until then, I will continue on my journey of forgiveness. 

Dear W, (forgiveness)

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Dear W, 

Why do I want to forgive you? 

Because it’s time to move on with my life. 

I forgive you because as I move on, I let go of any anger, resentment and bitterness. As, everyone knows that to achieve happiness, we must let go of anything in the way of that. 

I forgive you because the truth is that I am better without you. So, for freedom and peace of mind, I choose forgiveness. Freedom of any former bondage that was tied to the expectation that either of us would be around and together forever. Now that we know that that is not true, I walk free with forgiveness. 

I forgive you because any negativity that I might feel towards you, will only affect me and my future. 

I can see my future so clearly, I am at peace with my future partner, drama-free, resentment-free and filled with all the benefits that The Universe will bless me with as a reward for letting you go. 

Wathandekayo W (ngikuthethelele)

Isitombe se-Unsplash 

Wathandekayo W, ngikuthethelela

Ngikuthethelela ngoba ukuphindisela umbala omubi ukugqoka.

Ngikuthethelela ngoba lesi sahluko sinye esenziwa futhi yingxenye encane nje yalokho okwenza impilo yami.

Ngithethelela ngoba ngibona isifundo sokuthi kungani wangena empilweni yami. Isifundo sigcwaliseka futhi sigcwalisiwe.

Ngikuthethelela ngoba ukuzwa intukuthelo nokuphindiselela kuphela kubeka amandla emiphakathini evuthayo.

Ukubuyisela futhi ukuthola ukuthula, ngithethelela. Ngoba ukuthethelelwa kuyindlela enamandla kakhulu yokulawula isimo.

4 Ce que j'ai appris de mon récent chagrin d'amour.

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C’est drôle de voir à quel point nous pensons avoir appris tout ce que nous devons apprendre, puis quelque chose d’autre nous apprend quelque chose pour nous aider à mieux nous comprendre nous-mêmes ou à mieux comprendre la vie.

Si vous n'êtes pas au courant de mon périple Twin — flam, lisez les autres articles de notre section LOVE afin de comprendre ce qui m'a conduit à ce point. Le point où j'ai coupé les liens avec mon Twin-flame et que je ne veux pas d'avenir avec lui.

Heureusement, j'ai décidé d'être célibataire et de sortir avec d'autres personnes, des personnes qui apprécient ce que je vaux et ce que je représente. Être et se sentir petit n'est pas durable et ne peut durer que si longtemps.

Notre histoire m'a laissé un profond chagrin d'amour. Cependant, je considère que c'est positif. Je m'en vais avec beaucoup plus que ce que je pensais.

Voici ce que j'ai appris de ce chagrin d'amour:

1. S'intégrer dans le moule de quelqu'un d'autre étouffe.

Ma flamme jumelle a une très grande personnalité et peut être envahissante. Moi aussi, je ne suis pas un ange. Cependant, j'ai appris à pouvoir l'atténuer. En atténuant les effets, je me suis trouvé à l'apaiser et à satisfaire ses besoins dans notre relation. Oublier ce que je veux vraiment, cela peut arriver si vite. Cela a commencé avec le fait de permettre de petites choses et de laisser trop de choses continuer heureusement, affectant ainsi mon estime de moi et mon bien-être général.

J’ai appris que je suis censé être dans le moule que je me suis créé, et non celui de quelqu'un d’autre. Vivre une vie faite des attentes de quelqu'un d’autre n’est pas vraiment vivre parce que cela lui donne trop de responsabilités dans votre vie.

2. La relation Twin-Flame est destinée à vous changer. Alors, soit fait.

J'avais tellement peur de perdre ma Twin— flamme parce que je l'aimais. Hors de cette peur, je me suis tenu pour la vie chère. Je le tenais comme s'il était ma source de vie. Le danger était que je l’autorise à se comporter de manière à ne me faire reprocher à personne. J'ai fait des recherches sur une relation Twine-flamme et j'ai découvert que ces relations sont censées entrer dans votre vie et vous changer. Ce n'est pas pour toujours. La pensée de cela m'a terriblement effrayé jusqu'à ce qu'il me fasse mal et on m'a rappelé que personne ne vaut la peine de s'y accrocher, surtout s'ils ne sont là que pour vous faire sentir mal à propos de qui vous êtes et de votre existence.

3. La vie continue.

Il y a toujours une vie après le chagrin d'amour. Et, chaque fois que j'oublie ça, ça me rappelle. Aujourd'hui, je suis le plus heureux que j'ai jamais été parce que je sais que j'ai donné et fait tout ce que j'ai pu dans la relation. Donc, je peux partir avec un sourire sur mon visage. Je ne souris pas toujours. Parfois, je suis triste et blessé, mais c’est la vie. Particulièrement, lorsque vous aurez affaire à l'amour, toutes vos émotions seront révélées. Ce qui va bien. Je peux me réjouir de ma vie et du chapitre suivant avec les leçons que j'ai apprises et la transformation qui s'est produite en moi.

4. L'amour c'est du travail mais pas de l'angoisse.

J'étais à Sephora et une chanson de mon Twin-flame a été entendue et, étonnamment, j'ai souri. J'ai pensé à tous les bons souvenirs que nous avions et cela a réchauffé mon cœur. Après cela, je me suis souvenu de la façon dont il m'a fait mal. Je me suis décidé à considérer ce chapitre comme ayant fonctionné exactement comme prévu. J’ai appris l’une des meilleures leçons que j’ai jamais pu apprendre: l’amour, c’est du travail mais pas de l’angoisse. Vers la fin de notre relation, je me suis senti pris au piège, solitaire et triste la plupart du temps. Ce qui n'est pas ce qu'il devrait être. Même si l'amour exige du travail, personne ne devrait se sentir laissé dans le noir.

J'attends avec impatience les jours et les relations que je ressens comme un travail d'amour sans agonie. J'ai l'espoir que cette relation est dans mon avenir.

Dear W, (I forgive you)

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Dear W, I forgive you 

I forgive you because revenge is an ugly colour to wear. 

I forgive you because this chapter is one that is done and only a small fraction of what makes up of my life. 

I forgive you because I see the lesson of why you came into my life. The lesson is fulfilled and completed. 

I forgive you because feeling anger and vengeance only puts energy into emotions that are depleting.

To restore and find peace, I forgive. Because forgiveness is the most powerful way to have control over a situation. 

4 Things that I have learnt from my recent heartbreak.

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It’s funny how we think we have learnt everything that we need to learn and then along comes something else to teach us something to help us understand ourselves or life better. 

If you are not up to speed with my Twin—flame journey, please read the other articles in our LOVE section so that you can understand what has lead me to this point. The point where I have cut ties with my Twin-flame and do not want a future with him. 

Fortunately, I have decided to be single and date other people- people who appreciate my worth and what I stand for. Being and feeling small is not sustainable and can only last for so long. 

Our story has left me in deep heartache. However, I look at it as a positive. I am walking away with a lot more than I thought that I would. 

This is what I learnt from this heartbreak:

1. Fitting into someone else’s mould of you is stifling. 

My twin flame has a very big personality and can be overbearing. So do I. I am no angel; however, I have learnt to be able to tone it down. In my toning it down, I found myself appeasing him and his needs in our relationship. Forgetting about what I truly want- it can happen so quickly. It started with me allowing small things and turned into allowing too much to go on, happily, having an effect on my self-esteem and my general well-being. 

I learnt that I am meant to be in the mould that I make for myself, not someone else’s. Living a life made up of someone else’s expectations is not truly living because it gives them too much responsibility over your life. 

2. The Twin-Flame relationship is meant to come and change you. Then, be done. 

I was so afraid of losing my Twi—flame because I loved him. Out of this fear, I held on for dear life. I held onto him like he was my life source. The dangerous thing about that was that I allowed him to behave in a way that I wouldn’t anyone else. I did some research on a Twine-flame relationship and found out that, they are meant to come into your life and change you. It is not forever. The thought of that scared me immensely until he hurt me and I was reminded that no one is worth holding on to- especially if they are only around to make you feel badly about who you are and your existence. 

3. Life goes on. 

There is always life after heartache. And, every time that I forget that, I am reminded. Today, I am the happiest that I have ever been because I know that I have given and done all that I could in the relationship. So, I can walk away with a smile on my face. I’m not always smiling. Sometimes I’m sad and hurt - but that is life. Particularly, when you deal with love, it will bring out all of your emotions. Which is okay. I can gladly look forward to my life and the next chapter with the lessons that I learnt and the transformation that has happened inside of me. 

4. Love is work but not anguish. 

I was in Sephora and a song of my Twin-flame’s came on and, surprisingly, I smiled. I thought of all the fond memories that we had and it warmed my heart. Following that was the memory of how he hurt me. I made a choice to myself to look at this chapter as having worked out exactly the way that it was meant to. I learnt one of the best lessons that I could’ve ever learnt: love is work but not anguish. Towards the end of our relationship, I felt trapped, lonely and sad most of the time. Which is not the way that it should be. Even though love requires work, no one should feel left in the dark. 

I look forward to the days and relationship that I feel the work of love without the agony. I have hope that this relationship is in my future.

Dear W, I forgive you

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Dear W, 

I want to forgive you because I know in my heart that I did everything that I could to make this work. 

I gave, gave, gave, gave and gave- only to be placed at second place for you. Which is why I forgive because it is clear this relationship wasn’t mean to be. 

I forgive you so that I can progress into true happiness with people who are open-hearted -and clear-minded. That is why I let you go. 

I forgive you because I want to hate you and wish nasty things upon you but that is too heavy on my life and the beautiful future that I have in front of me. 

That is why I forgive because forgiveness is the best way to open up to what The Universe has in store. 

Querido Dios,(cortando lazos con alguien)

Imagen de Unsplash 

Querido Dios,

Por favor, dame la fuerza que necesito para progresar. Sé que sabes cuánto intenté hacer que esto funcionara. Mi fuerza anterior para esta relación me ha dejado en esta posición. La posición donde tengo que elegir a dónde ir. Elijo seguir adelante sin esta persona.

Por favor, muéstrame cómo? Tengo clara mi decisión y necesito su orientación sobre cómo mantener la paz y el amor durante este difícil proceso.

Estoy en el punto de mi vida donde el amor, la paz y el respeto son las cosas más importantes para mí; Si algo / alguien no se alinea con él, elijo dejarlo ir. Por favor, ayúdame a alinear mis opciones? Al darme la fuerza para mantener la distancia entre yo y esta persona. Está claro que esta persona sigue guiándome por una trampa para hacerme sentir mal por mí mismo y por mi existencia.

Creo en mí mismo y en lo que defiendo, por favor, dame la fuerza para alejarme de las personas que me tratan como si fuera segundo o indigno.

Dios, creo que lo harás porque siempre has estado ahí para mí.

¿Por favor guíame para seguir adelante con amor y perdón?

Amén,

Dear God, (my prayer for cutting ties with someone)

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Dear God, 

Please give me the strength that I need to progress. I know that you know how hard I tried to make this work. My previous force for this relationship has left me in this position. The position where I have to choose where to go. I choose to move forward without this person. 

Please show me how? I am clear about my decision and need your guidance on how to maintain peace and love during this difficult process. 

I’m at the point in my life where love, peace and respect are the most important things to me; if something/someone does not align with it, I choose to let them go. Please help me align my choices? By giving me the strength to keep distance between me and this person. It is clear that this person keeps leading me down a trap to making me feel bad about myself and my existence. 

I believe in myself and what I stand for so, please give me the strength to walk away from people who treat me like I am second or unworthy?

God, I believe that you will because you have always been there for me before. 

Please guide me to moving forward with love and forgiveness? 

Amen,  

Dear W, I forgive myself.

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Dear W, 

It wasn’t all of your fault. I played a part too. 

That is why I forgive myself. I forgive myself because this has taught me the cycle that I thought that I was done with. 

I forgive myself because sometimes the journey takes falling and falling to get up again. Now, that I am up, I am grateful for my fall. How ever many times I did fall. 

I forgive myself if I am hard on myself, I will never progress. Progression is the only route. The route to light. 

I forgive myself for expecting another human to be my life source; when I know that God is the only life source in this Universe. 

I forgive myself for being angry, judgemental and uptight. None of these characteristics will lead me to peace. Only forgiveness will. And, that is why I forgive.