you are enough

Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)

Image de Unsplash

Image de Unsplash

Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)



Nous avons essayé et avons donné tout ce que nous pouvions, mais la seule chose qui nous a été révélée, c'est qu'être dans une relation amoureuse n'est pas pour nous.

Merci de m'avoir montré beaucoup de choses: comment aimer avec passion, ne jamais abandonner, être plus aimant, voir les choses sous un angle différent, et cette romance est bien vivante.

Vous ferez un bon partenaire pour quelqu'un. Cependant, je ne suis pas cette personne. Parce que si j’étais, ce ne serait pas si difficile d’être avec toi.

Il a été difficile de comprendre et de comprendre cette notion: comment je peux aimer si profondément quelqu'un que je crois être mon âme soeur, mais nous ne pouvons jamais nous confronter à l'essentiel. C'est pourquoi j'ai passé tant de temps à vous fâcher. Cependant, j'ai abandonné cette colère et vous ai ouvert mon cœur et ma vie en tant que cher ami que vous avez toujours été pour moi.

Que vous souhaitiez être mon ami ou non, c’est votre décision, mais sachez que je n’ai aucune animosité ni colère envers vous, je veux seulement que nous soyons en paix et que nous soyons meilleurs. Cela n’a pas fonctionné les uns avec les autres, alors faisons-le avec les autres. Cependant, vous avez besoin de mon soutien, je suis ici. En tant qu'ami, pas partenaire.

J'ai toujours beaucoup d'amour pour toi et je ne peux pas te reprocher d'être ce que tu es ou de ne pas pouvoir m'aimer de la manière dont je veux être aimé. Parce que le blâme est une perte de temps, d’émotions et d’énergie.

Je suis désolé d’être si énervé et amer à propos de qui vous êtes. Je ne veux pas vous changer ni que vous soyez quelqu'un d'autre que vous. Vous méritez un excellent partenaire qui vous aime tel que vous êtes et moi aussi.

Je t'aime,

Hali.

Dear W, everything is perfect.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

Dear W, 


Nothing is wrong. Everything is meant to be exactly the way that it is. 


When I decided to leave, I was angry. I was pissed. I felt betrayed. I felt hurt. I felt like I should’ve seen it coming. I asked myself how I could’ve given you a chance? 


Th answer to all these questions is that it was all supposed to happen. Everything is perfect. 


Thank for you for the lessons. In our relationship, I have learnt what true equality means, that money & fame are not everything, that I am enough and worthy of love, I learnt that if anyone makes me feel less-than in a relationship, they are not worth holding onto and, ultimately, I learnt that peace is the most important thing in This World to me. 


Thank you for reminding me that it takes two healthy people to make a relationship work, that if someone tries to make me feel insecure it is an extension of their own insecurities and, that no one is worth chasing after. 


I tried to hate you but hate looks ugly on me. I choose freedom and in that freedom, I forgive you. 


In the words of Maya Angelou, ‘Forgiveness means, I am done with you.’- mentally, physically and spiritually.

4 empowering things that I have learnt from dating

from Getty Images

from Getty Images

I've had a few long term relationships and dated in between them. But only since my last break-up have I been able to understand what I did wrong in them. 

After seeking professional help through therapists and mentors, I was shown why my relationships didn't do well. 

It has empowered me. And, whether you are female or male, I would like you to feel empowered too. Therefore, I would like to share what was revealed to me to you: 



1. Don't sleep with someone before 60 days. 

This may work for some people but it definitely didn't work me. I read Steve Harvey's 'Think like a man, act like a lady' and his rule can be applied to both men and women. He says that we should wait 90 days before having sex with the person that we are dating. I think everyone's time frame may be different; however, we all know that when you sleep with a prospective , it may cloud your judgement at a very critical time: the formative stage. I recommend keeping things simple and sex-free in the beginning of every relationship to find out if you really like someone. 

 

2. Don't make up excuses for someone that you are dating. 

 

There is a clear difference between an excuse and an explanation. If the person that you are dating's behaviour doesn't align with what you think is acceptable, give yourself permission to ask yourself what might happen down the road if that behaviour continues. For example, someone not replying to your texts or not calling when they say they will could be a symptom of a deeper problem and, as a result, probably might happen again. Don't excuse it in the beginning, hoping that they will see the light and change. See the person for who they are not who you want them to be. 

 

3. I don't need to convince someone to be with me. 

I recently made date arrangements with someone who I saw as a potential romantic partner; however, he flaked on our first date twice . I have learnt from my past that, if the other person is not willing to meet me halfway, I will find someone who will. Instead of me allowing him to potentially flake on  me again when I am emotionally and physically invested, I empowered myself by blocking and deleting his number as soon as he flaked the second time.Simply onto the next, nothing personal.

 

4. Love yourself first.

In the dating world, we become afraid to have preferences because I think that we fear not being loved. If you love yourself first, you don't need to fear not getting it back from someone you barely even really know or who isn't treating you with the respect that you deserve. One of my mentors, Iyanla Vanzant says, 'You alone are enough'. If you love yourself, you are able to depend on yourself more than you would someone else and don't really need to depend on others. It may sound isolating but it is very empowering to understand that you are enough for yourself and for someone else and you don't need to desperately cling onto people and relationships that aren't healthy for you to fill a void that you can fill for yourself.