3 Reasons that I will never date an Entertainer again.

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There is something really cool and exciting about dating someone who’s music you admire or a person who has been in some of your favorite movies. It can sometimes feel surreal and as though you are the luckiest person in The World. 

I have had the fortune of this experience. But, along with it comes secrets, lack of privacy and other issues that can make you feel like it is not worth it. I know who I am and I have clear boundaries. I have tried dating entertainers and, although I don’t like to generalize, it is not for me. 

I am grateful for the blessings and I am most certainly even more so for the lessons. 

Here is why I will never date an entertainer again: 

1. It takes a level of trust like no other. 

As I mentioned prior, dating someone in the public eye who is known for being on the big screen in some shape or form can feel exciting and thrilling. However, after this dies out, if the relationship does not have trust, you can feel like you are going crazy. 

The level of heartbreak and shooting pain to your heart is inexplicable when you see the person who you consider having a future with on the cover of a tabloid magazine with someone else. I am not a victim so I take the lesson in that, I can choose to have this type of relationship pressure and scrutiny in my life or not. And, I choose the latter. 

One of my well-known ex-boyfriends recently had a child and before he could tell me, I woke up to an abrupt text from someone I knew who had read it in a tabloid. Receiving this news in the way that I had, brought my vibration to a low that is inexplicable. To me, it is not worth going through again. 

2. I can’t do fake. 

I don’t want to drag anyone who I have dated or been in a relationship with because I chose them in my life for a reason and I got so much. Way more than I expected to get. Even though I grew stronger and more learned in the situation, I am human and I have feelings. Because my previous relationships with people well-known have been in secret, I have had to process them in private. Sometimes feeling restricted in doing so.  

Although I am a private person, I have not been able to express my love for a particular person that I connected with because it was meant to be kept a secret- a lot would’ve been on the line if I spoke about this person. 

To the public, it may seem like most entertainers are truthful. But, this is not the case. Many of them are pressured into saying and doing the right thing based on how they are perceived. So, you might never know who you are really dating because they are so used to putting on a facade. 

3. I want stability and peace. 

Thankfully, I have never gone public with some of the well-known entertainers that I have dated. However, I have seen how being in the public eye has affected them. Although I am also a generally public person, I don’t have people prying into my personal life and those who do, I don’t respond to. 

I know exactly what I want for my family in the future and it is stability and peace. This contrasts with the lifestyle of an entertainer as most of them are away from home a lot and need publicity to reach a wider audience. The total opposite of how I picture my future. 

As the saying goes, ‘Never say never’. However, I have experienced it enough to know that it is not what I want for me or my future family. 

The 3 Things that I have learnt from being in an almost decade-long cycle of emotionally abusive relationships.

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As we end the year and another decade, I have found myself having nostalgia of the great memories from 2010-2019. I am (without a doubt) blessed and grateful; however, within these years, I have definitely experienced some deep emotional pain and relationships that were not ideal.

I am here today, proud of who I am because I decided to make the most of what was dealt to me. Sometimes, being in a cycle creates survival; however, I choose to thrive. The two are different. In honour of living the best life that I am able, I must be honest about my past. In my honesty, I hope to heal myself and others by revealing truths that we are usually too afraid to reveal.

Here are 3 things that I have learnt from my cycle of emotionally abusive relationships:

1. I can only save myself.

My first memory of wanting to be a saviour is when I was six and my mom came back from the hospital, after giving birth to my sister, with stitches on her belly. I deeply wanted to relieve her of her pain and kept asking her questions about how she got into that circumstance. I wanted to cure her of her stitches and make her fine right then and there. I was a kid, yes! However, I have always had a need to take people out of pain- hence why I am a yoga teacher and wellness coach. This attribute has been an advantage most of the time; however, it has sometimes been a disadvantage.

I have found myself wanting to relieve people from emotional pain and taking on their burden or relieving them of the work that they have to do to heal (themselves). I am able to influence another person; however, I am not able to do the work for them. We are all meant to work on ourselves, which is karma. Everything, including inner peace and wellbeing, requires our own work and self-healing.

2. I can say no.

In previous articles, I touch on how it has been difficult for me to say no in the past. This has been the most challenging thing to learn in my life because we do not live in a society that acknowledges boundaries. One could argue that we live in a society that promotes the lack of boundaries. As a black woman living in America and often being in corporate settings, saying no comes with a price. In fact, for anyone living in a corporate setting, saying no comes with a price because there might be someone else for the job who is cheaper and more available than you are. Corporations tend to feed into our insecurities.

In a corporate society, our personal lives follow suit. If you say ‘no’ to someone who you are romantically involved with, you risk them leaving you and finding someone else who will say yes. That instills fear within us which continues the cycle of self-doubt and lack of self-worth. It has taken me a long time to be able to believe with every fiber of my being that if I work hard enough, am truthful enough and open enough, everything that is meant for me will find me. This knowing has helped me release people, situations and things that feed off of me not feeling good enough.

3. I always have a say.

I’ve been pretty honest about how my last relationship highlighted how I had been in emotionally abusive and manipulative relationships in the past without even being aware of it. You might be asking, how did she not recognize it? Because when you live it, it is challenging to step away from it. I am grateful for every single former relationship because it had a purpose. Particularly the last one because it helped me heal the trauma that I had developed as a kid. I have also mentioned how I grew up with an emotionally abusive older sibling that subconsciously taught me that abuse is okay as long as no one else knows about it. There were no bruises but my self-worth was compromised.

As an adult, in romantic relationships, I would hide when my fiancé would call me fat, when my boyfriend would disappear for two weeks or when another boyfriend and I decided to get pregnant and, he disappeared. My silence festered this cycle. And, we all know that darkness is the prime location for breeding negativity, toxicity and secrets. It took me being in a relationship with a well-known Producer who would lie, cheat and blame me for his actions for me to see the pattern that had been going on in my life. I had attracted and entertained emotionally abusive people.

It took an exaggerated form like this where I still have to hear the music that he made about me on radio and public places to remind me of the role that I played. Who I am today is very different to the person that I was when we met, two years ago. I used to think that someone who I admired knowing me, being influenced by me and seeing me meant that it was cosmic divinity. However, now I understand that me seeing myself, recognizing my self-worth and my truth is the most magic that I will ever experience in this lifetime.

I have found true love and respect.

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I have found true love and respect.

She is in the form of someone who knows that everything is working for her favour.

I have found true love and respect.

She understands that every single step that she has taken has led to her standing here in this present moment.

I have found true love and respect.

She believes in the power of patience, kindness and compassion.

I have found true love and respect.

She is open to the idea of not knowing everything and is open to surrender her former ideas to what could be.

I have found true love and respect.

She doesn’t blame anyone but tries to see every interaction as a teacher to learn and grow.

I have found true love and respect.

She believes in self-reflection and progression.

I have found true love and respect.

She has let go of the need to be right and chooses to surrender her life to a higher purpose.

I have found true love and respect.

She is working everyday to let her guard down and have an open heart.

I have found true love and respect.

She is learning the difference between force and effort. She has no desire to force things and people to go her way because she believes that if she works hard enough, believes enough and is grateful enough, what is meant for her will find her.

I have found true love and respect.

It was always inside of me.

Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)

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Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)



Nous avons essayé et avons donné tout ce que nous pouvions, mais la seule chose qui nous a été révélée, c'est qu'être dans une relation amoureuse n'est pas pour nous.

Merci de m'avoir montré beaucoup de choses: comment aimer avec passion, ne jamais abandonner, être plus aimant, voir les choses sous un angle différent, et cette romance est bien vivante.

Vous ferez un bon partenaire pour quelqu'un. Cependant, je ne suis pas cette personne. Parce que si j’étais, ce ne serait pas si difficile d’être avec toi.

Il a été difficile de comprendre et de comprendre cette notion: comment je peux aimer si profondément quelqu'un que je crois être mon âme soeur, mais nous ne pouvons jamais nous confronter à l'essentiel. C'est pourquoi j'ai passé tant de temps à vous fâcher. Cependant, j'ai abandonné cette colère et vous ai ouvert mon cœur et ma vie en tant que cher ami que vous avez toujours été pour moi.

Que vous souhaitiez être mon ami ou non, c’est votre décision, mais sachez que je n’ai aucune animosité ni colère envers vous, je veux seulement que nous soyons en paix et que nous soyons meilleurs. Cela n’a pas fonctionné les uns avec les autres, alors faisons-le avec les autres. Cependant, vous avez besoin de mon soutien, je suis ici. En tant qu'ami, pas partenaire.

J'ai toujours beaucoup d'amour pour toi et je ne peux pas te reprocher d'être ce que tu es ou de ne pas pouvoir m'aimer de la manière dont je veux être aimé. Parce que le blâme est une perte de temps, d’émotions et d’énergie.

Je suis désolé d’être si énervé et amer à propos de qui vous êtes. Je ne veux pas vous changer ni que vous soyez quelqu'un d'autre que vous. Vous méritez un excellent partenaire qui vous aime tel que vous êtes et moi aussi.

Je t'aime,

Hali.

The 12 Ways that love describes what it is.

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As Sadghuru says, ‘Love is not something you do, it is something you are’. 

Love can be described as many different things but hateful, vengeful and resentful is not one of those things that it can embody. Sometimes when we love someone, we forget what love is and we get caught up in negativity and battles because of our own past hurt, judgements and cloudy perspectives. 

So, I came up with a list of 12 affirmations of what love would say if love could speak. 

Love says:

1. I am pure. 

2. You are worthy of me. 

3. I am not a competition. 

4. I do not equal jobs, money, titles, weight and security. 

5. I require work. 

6. The most of me you will feel, is within yourself. 

7. I am the most powerful force on the planet. 

8. Even though some people resist me, I always win. 

9. I heal and unite people, out of free-will. 

10. If you want to embrace me truly, you have to be honest with yourself. 

11. I do not require domination or control. 

12. Manipulation and I are two very different things.

Estoy Listo.

Estoy listo

Listo para enfrentar este mundo sin ti.

Estoy comenzando un nuevo capítulo que es mío.

Y, en este libro no hay incorrecto ni correcto.

Entonces, déjame hacer lo que necesito hacer.

‘Porque no quiero hacer nada parecido a lo que haces.

Estoy listo para ser libre.

Estoy listo para ser yo.

¿Y qué? Pensaste que podrías arruinar mis planes.

Y destruye todas las emociones que tengo.

Estoy tan contento de que fueras malo.

Para poder ver todas las cosas que he visto.

Entonces, déjame hacer lo que necesito hacer.

‘Porque no quiero estar cerca de lo que haces.

Estoy listo para enfrentar todos mis miedos.

Estoy listo para ser yo.

I’m ready

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I’m ready 

Ready to face this World without you. 

I’m starting a new chapter that is mine. 

And, in this book there’s no wrong or right. 

So, leave me to do what I need to do. 

‘Cause I don’t want to do anything close to what you do. 

I’m ready to be free. 

I’m ready to be me. 

So what? You thought you could ruin my plans. 

And, destroy all the emotions that I have. 

I’m so glad that you were mean. 

So that I could see all the things that I’ve seen. 

So, leave me to do what I need to do. 

‘Cause I don’t want to be anything close to what you do. 

I’m ready to face all of my fears. 

I’m ready to be me. 

4 empowering things that I have learnt from dating

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I've had a few long term relationships and dated in between them. But only since my last break-up have I been able to understand what I did wrong in them. 

After seeking professional help through therapists and mentors, I was shown why my relationships didn't do well. 

It has empowered me. And, whether you are female or male, I would like you to feel empowered too. Therefore, I would like to share what was revealed to me to you: 

1. Don't sleep with someone before 60 days. 

This may work for some people but it definitely didn't work me. I read Steve Harvey's 'Think like a man, act like a lady' and his rule can be applied to both men and women. He says that we should wait 90 days before having sex with the person that we are dating. I think everyone's time frame may be different; however, we all know that when you sleep with a prospective , it may cloud your judgement at a very critical time: the formative stage. I recommend keeping things simple and sex-free in the beginning of every relationship to find out if you really like someone. 

2. Don't make up excuses for someone that you are dating. 

There is a clear difference between an excuse and an explanation. If the person that you are dating's behaviour doesn't align with what you think is acceptable, give yourself permission to ask yourself what might happen down the road if that behaviour continues. For example, someone not replying to your texts or not calling when they say they will could be a symptom of a deeper problem and, as a result, probably might happen again. Don't excuse it in the beginning, hoping that they will see the light and change. See the person for who they are not who you want them to be. 

3. I don't need to convince someone to be with me. 

I recently made date arrangements with someone who I saw as a potential romantic partner; however, he flaked on our first date twice . I have learnt from my past that, if the other person is not willing to meet me halfway, I will find someone who will. Instead of me allowing him to potentially flake on  me again when I am emotionally and physically invested, I empowered myself by blocking and deleting his number as soon as he flaked the second time.Simply onto the next, nothing personal.

4. Love yourself first.

In the dating world, we become afraid to have preferences because I think that we fear not being loved. If you love yourself first, you don't need to fear not getting it back from someone you barely even really know or who isn't treating you with the respect that you deserve. One of my mentors, Iyanla Vanzant says, 'You alone are enough'. If you love yourself, you are able to depend on yourself more than you would someone else and don't really need to depend on others. It may sound isolating but it is very empowering to understand that you are enough for yourself and for someone else and you don't need to desperately cling onto people and relationships that aren't healthy for you to fill a void that you can fill for yourself.