Izinto eziyi-12 engingeke ngiphinde ngibize amadoda.

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Yize ngingakaze ngibe yithemba, okudala engangikuthola, okuncane engangikukholelwa ekuba nobuhlobo obunempilo nomuntu engikholwa ukuthi kufanele.

Ngemuva kokuhlukana kwami ​​muva nje, nginqume ukugxila kwabesilisa abanomusa futhi ngizikhumbuze ukuthi amadoda amahle afuna ukuba sebudlelwaneni obunempilo akhona. Ngenze lolu shintsho ngoba ngemuva kokuba nobudlelwano obuningi obungasebenzi, angizange ngilahlekelwe yilutho kepha ngikholelwa ukuthi nami ngiyakufanelekela ukuba nobudlelwano obunempilo nendoda ekholelwa nalokhu.

Kusukela ngisezinsukwini futhi ngibe nengxoxo enhle nabathile abakhulu. Sizobona ukuthi lokhu kuholela kuphi kepha kuzwakala kungcono kakhulu ukuba nethemba ngabantu, ngokuvamile, kunokuphikisana nobulili noma iqembu labantu ndawonye ngoba wonke umuntu oyedwa kuleli zwe uhlukile-, futhi uhloselwe ukuba okwehlukile.

Ngomoya wokwethembeka nobuntu obuhle, yilokhu engingasoze ngakubiza ngo-'amadoda 'futhi:

1. Isimungulu.

2. Ubuvila.

3. Okuphathelene nobulili.

4. Abapheki.

5. Amanga.

6. Inkohliso.

7. Idiots.

8. Akusizi ngalutho.

9. Wimpy kakhulu.

10. Ukungacabangi.

11. Okungenamusa.

12. Ukucindezelwa.

3 choses que j'ai apprises en fréquentant une trentaine d'années.

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Ce n'est pas quelque chose de nouveau que je sois célibataire et heureux de l'être. Jusqu'à ce que je me sente stable et en sécurité, comme si j'étais seule et que je grandissais et que j'apprenais, je préférerais être seule.

C’est la première fois que je suis célibataire dans la trentaine (j’ai eu 30 ans cette année) et il ya une différence importante entre les sorties dans la vingtaine et dans la trentaine.

Voici les quelques choses que j'ai apprises ces derniers mois en tant que célibataire:

1. Tout ce avec quoi je m'aligne est la direction que je prendrai.

Après ma séparation au début de l'été, j'ai décidé de pratiquer l'état d'esprit le plus positif que j'ai jamais eu en tant que célibataire. Honnêtement, j'avais aimé être célibataire dans la vingtaine quand je l'avais été; Cependant, cette fois, je suis tellement à l'aise dans ma peau et je comprends vraiment que tout ce qui est fait pour moi me trouvera. Cette fois, j'ai décidé de laisser tomber les situations et les gens qui me feraient mal comprendre les choix que j'ai faits et j'ai décidé de m'entourer de gens qui affirment mes décisions; comme opposer à les interroger ou les nier.

2. Ce n’est pas parce qu’une personne n’est pas adaptée qu’elle est une mauvaise personne.

J'ai récemment commencé à parler à un gars qui, à mon avis, avait été aligné pour que nous soyons ensemble. Je sais ce que vous pensez, "Nous avons déjà entendu cela!". Cependant, ce gars-là avait même le même anniversaire que moi. Les choses ont commencé à merveille et j'ai senti une connexion avec lui, nous avons parlé, puis j'ai commencé à remarquer que je donnais plus d'énergie et d'effort à notre situation que lui. Cette fois, j'ai fait les choses différemment. Au lieu de créer des pensées anxieuses et du ressentiment envers lui dans ma tête, je l'ai médité et j'ai décidé de lui envoyer de l'amour et de le laisser partir. Au cours de toutes mes expériences, j'ai appris que ma colère envers quiconque ne me laisse que des blocages dans ma vie et un manque d'abondance. Pour notre bien-être général, j'ai décidé de le laisser partir. Je lui ai dit qu'il n'y avait pas de ressentiment, que j'avais besoin de personnes cohérentes dans ma vie et que c'était à moi de créer des limites pour que cela se produise.

3. Je veux prospérer pas seulement survivre.

J'ai passé le premier mois nouvellement célibataire et après la rupture en me demandant pourquoi je me sentais toujours comme si je portais le fardeau dans mes relations. La réponse a été que j'ai toujours pensé que pour prouver ma valeur, je devais travailler deux ou trois fois plus que quelqu'un d'autre. Cela pourrait être lié à beaucoup de choses comme les problèmes de papa, le fait d'être une femme de couleur ou tout simplement le manque de respect de soi. Cependant, j'ai fini de porter plus de charge que mon partenaire. Je choisis un partenaire qui apporte respect, honnêteté, fidélité, gentillesse, ambition et respect de soi à la table pour que nous puissions nous épanouir.

3 Things that I am learning from dating in my 30s.

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It is not anything new that I am single and happy to be so. Until the situation that makes me feel stable, secure, like the only one and as though I am growing and learning, I would rather be alone. 

It is the first time that I have been single in my 30s (I turned 30 this year) and, there is a significant difference between dating in my 20s and 30s. 

Here are the a few things that I have learnt these past few months of being single: 

1. Whatever I align myself with is where I will head.

After my break-up at the beginning of The Summer, I decided to practice the most positive mindset that I have ever had while being single. Truthfully, I had enjoyed being single in my 20s when I had been; however, this time, I am so comfortable in my skin and truly understand that everything that is meant for me will find me. This time, I decided to let go of situations and people who would make me feel badly about the choices that I made and decided to surround myself with people who affirm my decisions; as oppose to question or negate them. 

2. Just because someone is not a fit, doesn’t mean that they are a bad person. 

I recently began talking to a guy who I felt like had been aligned for us to be together. I know what you’re thinking, ‘We’ve heard this before!’ However, this guy even had the same birthday as me. Things started off wonderfully and I felt a connection to him, we spoke and then I started to notice that I was giving our situation more energy and effort than he was. This time, I did things differently. Instead of creating anxious thoughts and resentment towards him in my head, I meditated on it and decided to send him love and let him go. In all of my experience, I have learnt that my anger towards anyone only leaves my with blocks in my life and with lack of abundance. For our overall well-being, I decided to let him go. I told him that there are no hard feelings, I just need people in my life who are consistent and it is up to me to create boundaries to ensure that this happens.

3. I want to thrive; not just survive. 

I spent the first month newly-single and post break-up asking myself why I always feel like I am carrying the load in relationships. The answer was because I have always felt that to prove my worth, I need to work twice or three times as much as someone else. It could be linked to many things like daddy issues, being a woman of colour or just the lack of practicing self-respect. However, I am done with carrying more load than my partner. I choose a partner who brings equal respect, honesty, faithfulness, kindness, ambition and self-respect to the table so that we can thrive together.

12 Things that I will NEVER call ‘men’ again.

Although I have never been a pessimist, the older that I was getting, the less that I was believing in having a healthy relationship with someone who I believe is worthy. 

After my recent break-up, I decided to focus on men who are kind and remind myself that good men who want to be in a healthy relationship exist. I made this switch because after having so many relationships not work out, I had nothing to lose but believe that I am worthy of a healthy union with a man who believes this, too.

I have since been on dates and had great conversation with some great guys. We’ll see where this leads but it does feel a lot better to be  optimistic about people, in general, as opposed to lumping a gender or group of people together because every single person in this world is different- and, is meant to be unique.

In the spirit of honesty and positivity, this is what I will never call ‘men’ again: 

1. Dumb.

2. Lazy.

3. Sex-orientated.

4. Cheaters. 

5. Liars. 

6. Deceitful. 

7. Idiots. 

8. Worthless.

9. Too wimpy. 

10. Inconsiderate.

11. Unkind. 

12. Oppressive. 

Dear God, (trust and surrender)

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Dear God, 

I know in my heart that everything happens for a reason and I am grateful for everything that has led me to this point. 

Career-wise, I have been able to manifest, work hard and achieve what I want to. However, in relationships (particularly with partners), it hasn’t been as easy as achieving my work goals. 

God, please guide me in the direction of a partner who appreciates me, allows me to be myself but also leave room to grow- as I do the same for him. 

I am aware that I have previously been negative about men and I am sorry for my behaviour. I was convinced that an independent woman should have her guard up against men until they prove that they are worthy. 

I now know that I will give any man who is ambitious, respectful, kind, healthy, available, willing, open and fun a chance because I trust the big picture. I will use my past hurt as a way to grow; not cower down and give up. 

God, I believe (now) more than ever that my partner is alive. Please connect us when we are both ready. 

I trust you and I will keep letting my guard down because life I meant to be lived with an open heart and mind. 

Amen,

12 Affirmations that I tell myself as I date again.

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What a Summer it is has been! I went from expecting to spend the rest of my life with someone, to deciding to leave that situation and be single. 

Although it was difficult, I took the necessary time and energy to heal from the past. I only have platonic love for my former partner and wish him only the best because he is a beautiful person. 

 As I move forward and date a new person, I remind myself of the following: 

1. I have learnt what I needed to learn for a reason.

2. I am worthy of love. 

3. I am worthy of someone else’s time. 

4. I am worthy of someone else’s actions that show me they are interested in me. 

5. I am worthy of a healthy relationship. 

6. I don’t need to be in a relationship to feel whole, I am whole enough. 

7. I am the love that I seek. 

8. Where I am is exactly where I am meant to be. 

9. No one else can heal me as much as I can.

10. Love is necessary and amazing but requires work, everyday kind of work. 

11. Growth is my choice and I choose to grow, transform and blossom into who I deserve to be. 

12. I am worthy of a relationship that fits my life and who I am.

Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)

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Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)



Nous avons essayé et avons donné tout ce que nous pouvions, mais la seule chose qui nous a été révélée, c'est qu'être dans une relation amoureuse n'est pas pour nous.

Merci de m'avoir montré beaucoup de choses: comment aimer avec passion, ne jamais abandonner, être plus aimant, voir les choses sous un angle différent, et cette romance est bien vivante.

Vous ferez un bon partenaire pour quelqu'un. Cependant, je ne suis pas cette personne. Parce que si j’étais, ce ne serait pas si difficile d’être avec toi.

Il a été difficile de comprendre et de comprendre cette notion: comment je peux aimer si profondément quelqu'un que je crois être mon âme soeur, mais nous ne pouvons jamais nous confronter à l'essentiel. C'est pourquoi j'ai passé tant de temps à vous fâcher. Cependant, j'ai abandonné cette colère et vous ai ouvert mon cœur et ma vie en tant que cher ami que vous avez toujours été pour moi.

Que vous souhaitiez être mon ami ou non, c’est votre décision, mais sachez que je n’ai aucune animosité ni colère envers vous, je veux seulement que nous soyons en paix et que nous soyons meilleurs. Cela n’a pas fonctionné les uns avec les autres, alors faisons-le avec les autres. Cependant, vous avez besoin de mon soutien, je suis ici. En tant qu'ami, pas partenaire.

J'ai toujours beaucoup d'amour pour toi et je ne peux pas te reprocher d'être ce que tu es ou de ne pas pouvoir m'aimer de la manière dont je veux être aimé. Parce que le blâme est une perte de temps, d’émotions et d’énergie.

Je suis désolé d’être si énervé et amer à propos de qui vous êtes. Je ne veux pas vous changer ni que vous soyez quelqu'un d'autre que vous. Vous méritez un excellent partenaire qui vous aime tel que vous êtes et moi aussi.

Je t'aime,

Hali.

Estimado futuro socio,

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Estimado futuro socio,

Estoy muy agradecido de tenerte en mi vida. Sé que todo lo que he pasado me ha llevado a ti. Y, si pudiera hacerlo todo de nuevo, lo haría, solo estar contigo.

Tu sonrisa, tu aura, tus palabras, tu voz, tus acciones, tu amor, eres un amor personificado.

Como una extensión de este amor, me gustaría pasar esta vida contigo pero entiendo si puedo pasar parte de mi día contigo porque los demás también son dignos de tu amor, no solo yo.

Quiero que prosperes, que prosperes, que estés en tu mejor momento y que brillas porque mereces todo lo mejor que este universo tiene para ofrecer.

Me gustaría pasar una eternidad contigo, pero entiendo si eso no es posible porque la vida se interpone en el camino. Entonces, como sea que pueda tenerte en mi vida, acepto. Mientras esté dentro de nuestros límites de respeto y amabilidad.

Estoy emocionado por nosotros y elijo estar con ustedes a través de todo: la risa, las sonrisas, las riquezas, los pobres, los sanos, los no saludables, el amor duro, el amor enojado, el amor puro y todo lo abarca.

Te elijo por el mayor tiempo posible humanamente.

Dear Future Partner (a letter to the person that I have chosen to spend my life with.)

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Dear Future Partner, 

I am so grateful to have you in my life. I know that everything that I have been through has led me to you. And, if I could do it all again, I would- just to be with you. 

Your smile, your aura, your words, your voice, your actions, your love- you are love personified. 

As an extension of this love, I would like to spend this lifetime with you but understand if I can spend some of my day with you because others are also worthy of your love- not only me. 

I want you to thrive, to flourish, to be at your best and to shine because you deserve all the best that this universe has to offer. 

I would like to spend forever with you but I understand if that’s not possible because life gets in the way. So, however I can have you in my life, I accept. As long as it is within our boundaries of respect and kindness. 

I am excited for us and choose to be with you through it all: the laughter, the smiles, the riches, the poor, the healthy, the unhealthy, the tough love, the angry love, the pure love and the all encompassing. 

I choose you for as long as humanly possible. 

4 Things that I wish I was told before I ended my last relationship.

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It’s been three months since I decided to leave my last relationship. Although it has been challenging, I would never take this time back. I have learnt so much and most of what I have learnt are lessons that are irreplaceable. 

Somehow, through that extremely difficult time, I was able to learn, grow and come out on the other side with a clearer set of lenses to look at life from. I feel grateful and fortunate. 

I have no regrets; however, if I could have received any advice before leaving my last relationship, this is what it would be: 

1. It is okay to think about yourself only, sometimes. 

It is naturally in my character to think of others before myself. Often times, I will put others first because I care about their wellbeing more than my own. So, when someone is disrespectful towards me or crosses my boundaries, I have had challenges standing up for myself because I have previously felt as though they didn’t mean to, and I have given them the benefit of the doubt. It is great to be an optimist and believe the best of people. But, when it interferes with how we feel about ourselves and our general well-being, that is when it becomes a problem. We should never have to sacrifice our wellbeing for mistreatment. It is okay to let go of people who continue to mistreat you in order to protect your self-worth and energy. 

2. Actions outweigh what we say. 

I am a firm-believer of self-love & affirmations and, as a result, The Universe challenged me to prove if I really think that I am worthy of true love and respect. I can walk around with my head held up high, with grace and a façade of confidence. However , if I truly believe that I am worthy of love, I don’t have to put up with toxic energy and behaviour. The more that we love ourselves (truly), the more that we understand that love is action too. Sometimes love means speaking up for yourself, sometimes love means saying ‘no’ to a bad habit and sometimes love means leaving a situation that is draining us and bringing us down. 

3. Set an intention and stick to it.

My former partner is everything that I have wanted on paper but the opposite of what I want according to behaviour. So, deciding to leave that relationship, was very difficult. It became too difficult to stay in because, I believe, that he has a lot of work to do on himself- as do I. The internal work that I have had to do is accept that what I want from a relationship was not going to come from this person and, move on with my life. Once I set that intention is when he would try to get me back, woo me with romantic gestures and ‘prove’ to me that I am the one that he wants. It used to work in the past but this last time, I learnt my lesson deeply. I learnt that if I have an intention and believe in something that I am worthy of, no one else can get in the way of what I want. 

4. The word soulmate doesn’t equal staying in a toxic situation.

When my former partner and I met, it felt like The Universe had aligned to show us that we were meant to be in each others’ lives. In my previous articles, I mention all the signs that occurred for me to think that our meeting was synchronized and organized by The Divine. As a result of this, I held on to this relationship for dear life and I allowed him to do more because I thought this connection was forever. In this thinking, I forgot that, the connection that I have with myself is truly forever and allowing someone else to come in and disrupt my flow is not fair to me or the person that I am with. A connection with someone else (no matter who that person is) should not make you feel less than, it should enhance your positivity, light and capabilities. Otherwise, you will merely be running around in circles and trying to fit a square into a circle.

Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

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Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Usesimweni somuntu onginikeza isikhala kuye njengoba engimnika khona.



Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Uyakuqonda okwenzeka kowesifazane empilweni, njengoba nje nami ngikuqonda okwenzeka kowesilisa.



Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Uyiveza kahle imingcele yenhlonipho ayifunayo ngaphandle kokuba nonya noma ukuba nokhahlo.



Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Ukholelwa ukuthi enginakho okuhlukile engingamnika kona futhi uyaqhubeka nokubuya abuyele kulokho okukhethekile.



Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Ukhule ngokwanele ukuthi aqonde ukuthi isikhala esithile asisho ibanga, angavumela ukukhula nothando kuthande.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect.

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I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He is in the form of someone who gives me space as much as I give him. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He understands what a woman goes through in life, as much as I understand what a man goes through as well. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He clearly communicates the boundaries of respect that he requires without being mean or harsh. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He believes that I have something unique to offer him and keeps returning for that specialty. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has grown enough to understand that some space doesn’t mean distance, it can allow growth and love to flourish.

Izindlela eziyi-12 uthando ezichaza ngazo ukuthi ziyini.

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Njengoba uSadghuru esho, 'Uthando akuyona into oyenzayo, yinto oyilo'.

Uthando lungachazwa njengezinto eziningi ezahlukene kepha lunenzondo, luziphindiselela nolunolunya akuyona enye yalezo zinto ezingase ziqambe. Kwesinye isikhathi lapho sithanda umuntu, sikhohlwa ukuthi luyini uthando futhi sibanjwa yizinto zokunganaki kanye nezimpi ngenxa yokulimala kwethu, izinqumo kanye nemibono yamafu edlule.

Ngakho-ke, ngavela nohlu lwezinqumo eziyi-12 zokuthi uthando luzothini uma uthando lukhuluma.

Uthando luthi:

1. Ngimsulwa

2. Uyangifanela.

3. Angisiwo umncintiswano.

4. Angenzi imisebenzi elingana, imali, izihloko, isisindo nokuphepha.

5. Ngidinga umsebenzi.

6. Okungijabulisa kakhulu kimi, okungaphakathi kuwe.

7. Ngingamandla amakhulu emhlabeni.

8. Noma abanye abantu bemelana nami, ngihlala nginqoba.

9. Ngiphilisa futhi ngihlanganise abantu, ngenkululeko yokuzikhethela.

10. Uma ufuna ukungamukela ngeqiniso, kufanele uthembeke kuwe.

11. Angidingi ukubuswa noma ukuphathwa.

12. Ukukhwabanisa mina nezinto ezimbili ezihluke kakhulu.

The 12 Ways that love describes what it is.

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As Sadghuru says, ‘Love is not something you do, it is something you are’. 

Love can be described as many different things but hateful, vengeful and resentful is not one of those things that it can embody. Sometimes when we love someone, we forget what love is and we get caught up in negativity and battles because of our own past hurt, judgements and cloudy perspectives. 

So, I came up with a list of 12 affirmations of what love would say if love could speak. 

Love says:

1. I am pure. 

2. You are worthy of me. 

3. I am not a competition. 

4. I do not equal jobs, money, titles, weight and security. 

5. I require work. 

6. The most of me you will feel, is within yourself. 

7. I am the most powerful force on the planet. 

8. Even though some people resist me, I always win. 

9. I heal and unite people, out of free-will. 

10. If you want to embrace me truly, you have to be honest with yourself. 

11. I do not require domination or control. 

12. Manipulation and I are two very different things.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. A post break-up affirmation.

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I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He is in the form of someone who takes responsibility for his actions. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has grown enough, emotionally, to not blame me for what he is going through in his life. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has a positive approach to life. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has evolved from a boy into a man. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will remind me that everything I went through was for a reason. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will continue to motivate me and lift me up, as I will do for him. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He understands that sometimes love means being stronger, kind and more loving towards the people that he loves

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el verdadero amor y respeto- 8/16/2019

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Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el verdadero amor y respeto porque, independientemente de lo que me han dicho sobre las relaciones, creo en la fidelidad y la estabilidad.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el verdadero amor y respeto.

Alguien que me permite brillar tanto como está dispuesto a brillar también.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el verdadero amor y respeto.

Tendrá la forma de alguien amable y paciente.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el verdadero amor y respeto.

Alguien que entiende que la vulnerabilidad también es fortaleza.

Tengo la esperanza de que seré verdadero amor y respeto.

Él escuchará mis preocupaciones (cuando las tenga) y no dudará de ellas. Por lo que supura en la oscuridad, siempre saldrá a la luz.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el verdadero amor y respeto.

Alguien que cree en dos personas completas y seguras que están juntas, por elección propia.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el verdadero amor y respeto.

Podrá estar al lado en silencio; Sin embargo, siempre sabré dónde está su corazón.

Tengo la esperanza de que seré verdadero amor y respeto.

Alguien que trabaja todos los días para elevar sus vibraciones y permanecer en positividad, tanto como yo también.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el verdadero amor y respeto.

Él estará seguro en el hecho de que vengo a casa con él todas las noches y lo elijo, una y otra vez.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect- 8/14/2019

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I have hope that I will find true love and respect because regardless of what I have been told about relationships, I believe in faithfulness and stability. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

Someone who allows me to shine as much as they are willing to shine, too. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will be in the form of someone kind and patient. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

Someone who understands that vulnerability is strength, too. 

I have hope that I will true love and respect. 

He will listen to my concerns (when I have them) and not doubt them. For what festers in the dark, will always come to light. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

Someone who believes in two whole and secure people being together, out of choice. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will be able to stand by side in silence; yet I will always know where his heart lies. 

I have hope that I will true love and respect. 

Someone who works everyday to raise their vibrations and stay in positivity- as much as I do, too. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will be secure in the fact that I come home to him every night and choose him, over and over again. 

Estoy Listo.

Estoy listo

Listo para enfrentar este mundo sin ti.

Estoy comenzando un nuevo capítulo que es mío.

Y, en este libro no hay incorrecto ni correcto.

Entonces, déjame hacer lo que necesito hacer.

‘Porque no quiero hacer nada parecido a lo que haces.

Estoy listo para ser libre.

Estoy listo para ser yo.

¿Y qué? Pensaste que podrías arruinar mis planes.

Y destruye todas las emociones que tengo.

Estoy tan contento de que fueras malo.

Para poder ver todas las cosas que he visto.

Entonces, déjame hacer lo que necesito hacer.

‘Porque no quiero estar cerca de lo que haces.

Estoy listo para enfrentar todos mis miedos.

Estoy listo para ser yo.

I’m ready

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I’m ready 

Ready to face this World without you. 

I’m starting a new chapter that is mine. 

And, in this book there’s no wrong or right. 

So, leave me to do what I need to do. 

‘Cause I don’t want to do anything close to what you do. 

I’m ready to be free. 

I’m ready to be me. 

So what? You thought you could ruin my plans. 

And, destroy all the emotions that I have. 

I’m so glad that you were mean. 

So that I could see all the things that I’ve seen. 

So, leave me to do what I need to do. 

‘Cause I don’t want to be anything close to what you do. 

I’m ready to face all of my fears. 

I’m ready to be me. 

Izizathu ezi-4 zokuthi kungani kuyisikhathi sokwakha i-paradigm entsha yobudlelwano ngokususelwa othandweni nasekuhloniphe.

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Noma ngingumuntu othanda amasiko athile, angiyena fan wokuqhubeka namasiko angabasizi futhi abaqinisayo. Njengomuntu osecishe washada kabili futhi wabuza ezinye izikhathi ezimbalwa kunalokho, ngokweqiniso angiqinisekile ukuthi ngizoshada. Engikulungele.

Isikhathi esiningi lapho ngikusho lokhu ngokuzwakalayo kumuntu othile, baphendula ngokuthi, 'Ungasho njalo!' - kungathi ukungashadi kuyisiqalekiso. Uma ngingowesifazane ongashadi, ngikulungele lokho ngoba izindinganiso zomlingani engifuna ukushada naye ziphakeme. Futhi, uma ngingatholanga umuntu ohlangabezana nalokho okulindelwe kule nkathi yokuphila, ngingcono ngaphandle kwalokho.

Ngisanda kukhunjuzwa ngokwenzeka lapho sihlala futhi sinikela ngaphezu kwalokho esikutholayo, sikhathala. Bengikhathele kakhulu ubudlelwano bami bokugcina, okwamanje, angisakwazi nokukhuluma naye. Umcabango wokumbona uyangixosha. Kepha akuyena yedwa okufanele asolwe. Ngihambisane nemicabango yami nenhlalonhle ejwayelekile ngenxa yesiko. Okungukuthi, angisoze ngakwenza futhi.

Nazi izizathu ezine zokuthi kungani sidinga ukudala i-paradigm entsha yobudlelwano ngokusekelwe othandweni nasekuhlonipheni:

1. Iparadigm endala yobudlelwano ayisebenzi.

Ngaphandle kokuthi uhlala emhumeni, kufanele wazi ukuthi sigcwala kanjani ngamahlebezi osaziwayo noma imibhangqwana eyaziwayo ehlukana.

Ngokwalokho engikubonile nengibonile, ezimeni eziningi, indoda ikopela umuntu wesifazane futhi kufanele anqume ukuhlala noma ukuhamba. Impendulo ejwayelekile kulokho ukuthi, 'Amadoda azoba amadoda.' Yiliphi isiko lakudala. Umbono wokuthi umuntu angakwazi ukuguqula ngokususelwa ekukhulisweni kwakhe awunangqondo. Ngoba uma umuntu emthanda ngokweqiniso omunye, bayovuka babe ngumuntu ongcono kumlingani wakhe noma bavumele omunye wabo obalulekile ukuthi athole omunye umuntu ongeke aqhubeke nokubalimaza. Ngiqedile ukuzwa, 'abafana bazoba ngabafana' noma 'amadoda akopela' ngoba lokho kwehlisa kuphela amazinga wohlobo lwabantu okufanele sifise ukuba yilo. Abantu abahloniphayo futhi badala ukuthula ezimpilweni zabanye.

2.Izindima zobulili ziyaphela.

Akumele ube ongashisi kanambambili ukubona ukuthi umbono wakudala wobudlelwano bendoda nowesifazane awusebenzi. Sake sathengiswa isithombe- somndeni ophelele wendoda sibona owesifazane amthandayo futhi amenza owakhe. Owesifazane ube esechitha ubudlelwane emgcina noma ephoqa ukuthi ashintshe. Lokho kwaba ubuhlobo bami bokugcina. Futhi, engikufundile ukuthi konke kuyisihibe. Kuyindlela nje yokugcina idrama nezinkinga ezungezile ngoba othile uzohlala ecasule enye. Engihlangabezane nakho ngokuba yisimo sothando esinjengalesi, ukuthi izindlela ezilinganayo zilingana. Ubudlelwano obuphilile buthuthukisa ukulingana nenhlonipho, hhayi ukuthi ngubani onemali ethe xaxa, othola izingane, owaziwa kakhulu, owenza okuningi noma owazalwa owesilisa noma owesifazane. Zisuselwa othandweni nasekuhlonipheni.

3. Ukwethemba kufanele kufike ngaphambi kokuvikelwa.

Uma ngikhuluma nabantu abaningi ngobudlelwano, ngiphatheka kabi. Kuyangiphatha kabi ukuthi iningi labantu lingena ebudlelwaneni noma emishadweni lilindele okubi kakhulu futhi lidinga ukuzivikela. Ngake ngaba khona phambilini, lapho ngangesaba ukuthi izinto zizolunga nomuntu engimthanda kakhulu. Ngenxa yalokhu kwesaba, ngizamile ukulawula omunye umuntu ukuthi bazohlala bekhona. Ukudlala imidlalo yengqondo, ukwenza izinto ezingaqondakali, ukuza nokuhamba futhi nokuba nohlobo oluthile lwendlela yokuthola ithuba lokuthola umuntu othile ngoba uma ngikhethe ukubathanda, lapho-ke ngikufanele ukubuyisa okuthile. Lokhu kucabanga kunobuthi futhi kuncike ekubambaneni. Lapho sithanda ukuba nodonga lwethu luphakame, omunye umuntu ngeke akwazi ukungena endlini yethu. Kwesinye isikhathi sibeka izindonga phezulu kakhulu size singaboni nokuthi simvalele kanjani omunye umuntu ongakolunye uhlangothi. Ukunqoba yonke injongo yobudlelwano. Ngeke sithande ngaphandle kokuthembela. Uma kungekho ukwethenjwa, alukho uthando.

4. Ubudlelwano bumayelana nobumbano nokwakha inyunyana.

Ubudlelwano bami bokugcina bungifundise izinto eziningi kepha iningi lingifundise ukuthi uma ubumbano kungeyona inhloso, alikho iphuzu lokuthi uzoba nomunye umuntu. Okungukuthi, kungani ngashiya. Ngithathe isinqumo sokuhamba ngoba ngangizizwa ngingedwa kakhulu kunokuthi ngibe nomuntu. Ngemuva kokuba ngihambile, ngaba ne-epiphany, uma othile engithanda ngokweqiniso, kungani bangafuni ukuba nobunye nami? Futhi, uma kungenjalo, alikho iphuzu lokuba nabo. Ukuba nomuntu akufanele uzizwe sengathi ulwa naye ngokungaguquki, kufanele uzizwe sengathi umuntu okhethe ukuba naye ungasohlangothini lwakho; hhayi empini nawe.